Women are Irrational

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Let's get this party started with some terrible jokes!

Red and Rover (05.18.10)

Wait a danged minute... With telepathy, this kid could potentially fend off hostile martians with a stick dagger!

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think of this comic. Is it sweet that the kid thinks his dog is worth protecting? Is it freakish that the kid can hear what his dog is thinking? Is it awkward that this dog has such a depressing and reproachful view of the world?

I think the answer to all of the above is, "Yeah, pretty much."

Todd the Dinosaur! (05.18.10)

Okay... That guy just totally broke all of his teeth in the 2nd panel and yet is concerned not by that fact or the fact that he will need severe dental surgery to replace his entire collection of molars and incisors that he's been growing for years, but that it might have bugs in it?

If that's the case... I refer you to an age old proverb: God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt.

Stupid comic. Still can't get over how retarded Todd looks, by the way. Am I the only one that thinks this strip should be called, Todd the Tardosaur? Come on. It changes the entire scope of the comic, makes it more edgy and potentially more funny.

Arctic Circle (05.18.10)

Scotch Tape joke? It's called Scotch tape for the same reason that tissues are referred to as Kleenex... It's a brand name. Unfunny.

Okay... let's write better dialogue for this comic. Ready?

First panel

Penguin: Wow, that's a big one there, fella. How's about me and you go starve ourselves in the Arctic for a few months?

Last panel

Other penguin: Don't look at me. Everyone knows how they are when they drink.

You guys do your own versions in the comments section.

The Better Half (05.18.10)

Yesterday I criticized a better cartoonist for tackling a younger, old joke... this comic deserves much worse.

But... instead, let's just pretend like the blurb at the end doesn't exist, but instead is replaced with the following.

"If you suggest putting that carrot in my butt during intercourse one more time... I'm going to cut you with this knife."

Yeah, that's better.

Crankshaft (05.18.10)

There is a hidden fourth panel that got deleted in the theatrical release of this comic that was the dude slapping the crap out of her. I'm not saying I agree with either party for how the comic turned out in the end, but that is a ridiculous proclamation due to ONE friggin' ant.

The end.

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Chomp Chomp

All I want to do is post a bunch of comics at the DCR but for some reason the people at Comics.com feel that people don't read the comics until the late afternoon, early evening. When I first signed up at Comics.com, the strips were sent out between 2 and 3 in the morning, then it got later until I was receiving the email between 9 and 10 in the morning. Now I don't get the email until between 2 and 5. But enough ranting about technology, onto the comics.

Wee Pals and One Big Happy 1/12/10


Both these comics feature a guest appearance by popular sound effect "chomp" today. Neither of which is helped by this.

Also, does the joke in Wee Pals become less racist because it's a kid saying it or because the cartoonist is African-American?

Mary Worth 1/12/10

Yes, all kids without fathers turn out to be horrible, horrible people. I mean, look at me. I am a decent husband and father who spends his free time blogging about comic strips. Who knows where I could be with a father figure in my life.

Why does Kurt seem to be getting more hopped up and scruffier as the week progresses?

Beetle Bailey 1/12/10

Where did Lt. Fuzz get those General clothes? More importantly, where did he get the stars, bars and medals?

Red and Rover 1/12/10

So are we to believe that isn't a Twinkie he's going to eat but get your generic cream-filled sponge cake?

Family Circus 1/12/10

"If you two don't calm down I will park this car by a lake, get out, release the parking brake and watch the car roll backwards into the water!"

Comics.com finally sent the email so here are some strips from Comics.com.

Flight Deck 1/12/10

And it took you this long to figure it out? You couldn't just press your ear to the door and listen for Ray Romano's nasally voice?

Arlo & Janis 1/12/10

Arlo compliments his wife in weird ways. Why can't he just say "I love you" like normal guys? If you have to think about where the compliment might be, it's not really a compliment.

Herman 1/12/10

Who paints their floor? It should've been "mopped" or "waxed".

Pickles 1/12/10

I love when stuff spontaneously combusts.

Frazz 1/12/10

Frazz is supposedly to be a pretty smart comic strip but I've noticed several strips where Jeff Mallett has opted to change something for the sake of a joke. Today it's "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". Goldilocks wasn't upset about having to eat porridge, she was upset because the first two she tried were too hot and too cold. She did eat Baby Bear's porridge because it was "just right". Goldilocks shouldn't be upset at anything. She committed a B&E and trespassed and the Bears didn't press charges.

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Do You Know Where Your Pants Are Right Now?

(Edited to change the post title. Proofreading is important kids.)

Tuesday is here once again and that means it must be one day until Wednesday. Unless you mean the Wednesday 3 weeks from know, then it doesn't.

Also, it's election day! It may not be a super important one, but voting for your local council members and any levies/propositions is still a good idea lest the government try to pull something on you.


Brewster Rockit 11/3/09

Who here can say they haven't had an out-pants-experience. I know I've had several of them. Right around the time I started this new medication I got from my local pharmacy. It's not a regular pharmacy that you might see in a grocery store. It's in an alleyway. I go there because it's really cheap and they don't ask a lot of questions. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the best kinds of experiences are out-of-pants experiences because they're just like regular experiences but without pants.



Dog Eat Doug 11/3/09

You know a concept has jumped the shark when it's used by a dog in a comic strip. It's not as bad as when it's used by a cat in a comic strip, but it's pretty close.

At least the dog didn't say 'EPIC FAIL.'



Red and Rover 11/3/09

Red's mom should be more worried that he's having full conversations with the dog. I know I get scared whenever I see somebody talking to an animal as if it were talking back. Good thing that mostly happens when I visits the asylum.



The Flying McCoys 11/3/09

That clown really seems to be enjoying the way the doctor is cupping his ass.

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I'm Chris Hanson

Hi, how're you doing? Why don't you have a seat? Have a seat, right there. What are you doing here? Why did you bring all that beer and all those condoms? Were you expecting an underage girl to be home alone? And you were going to have sex with her? Then why do you have those condoms? Yes, you're free to leave, but only after you read the rest of this post.



Red and Rover 7/6/09

I was shocked to see that this comic didn't cause an uproar. These children are what? 10 at the oldest? And yet we clearly see the girl being overtly sexual. Thank goodness the cartoonist was smart enough to have her shoot down the lesbian alternative that Red throws at her. Then we would have had a real problem.

But I must comment on the most obvious sin this comic commits. The sin of bestiality. It's not even hidden like in Marmaduke. It's right out there in the open for everyone to see. Rover wants to mount that little girl. And I don't think this is the first time that this has happened because of Red's reaction. He immediately knows the restrain the dog to prevent him from violating a small girl. Underage kids wanting sex and beastiality, way to go Red and Rover, you've created to most disgusting comic strip ever printed.



Pearls Before Swine 7/7/09

And what do we have here? To the tens of fans of The Underfold, it looks like a high profile comic strip has stolen an idea from an under-appreciated webcomic. Intrepid readers might remember that The Underfold was one of the last webcomics to receive the Webcomic of the Week award from me. Even more intrepid readers might have noticed that way back at the end of March and beginning of April, The Underfold created a new character that was, in fact, very similar to Mr. Heebie Jeebie. Fred, as he is known, is an evil paper bag puppet that has removed the eye of one of the main characters and has recently threatened to take over the whole comic strip.

This probably sounds like a big advertisment for The Underfold. Well, it is and it isn't. I'm not trying to make you read The Underfold, I'm just trying to make it look like a major comic strip has stolen from it. I realize that this commentary isn't humorous, as I usually am, but it is important to me that little known comics get recognition. Especially when an idea they have is used by a big-time comic strip. Just like us going against the juggernaut that is The Comics Curmudgeon.

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Greetings, DCR readers!

So. Here I am, innocent li'l old me, sitting at my desk reading through what's new in Google Reader. Suddenly I come across an interesting post about the DCR that says they're taking time off! Next, I see that they're trying to avoid that by adding more writers, so I offered my blogging/reviewing expertise (of which I have very little, up til now) and Bryce said yes.

The process is as such: I read comics, and when I see one that's stupid, hilarious, scoff-at-able, doesn't make sense, or that I think I could have written better, I'll review it. Whilst reviewing, I'm going to attempt to utilize my wit and wisdom of the world to its full potential.

I hail from upstate NY, and I'm a sophomore in college with a CMA major and a minor in music.
You can view my complete profile here.

That being said, here's my first review.
I think you can just assume that all the comics reviewed are from today, 5-15-09.

The Middletons










Whenever I see someone who's hunched over in pain, having just thrown their back out, I make sure I mock & ridicule them as much as possible... don't you?


Red and Rover











Red: "Because when I'm working with a trained group of sharpshooters who are willing to kill people, they won't notice that I'm the only one who aims poorly every time, and they most certainly won't turn against me. And really, aiming away from the condemned man will be for my own satisfaction, because the other six guys won't miss anyway."

Rover: "Ah. I see. So, is this firing squad based in Sherwood Forest? I've never seen a firing squad that used bows and arrows before."

Red: "Uh..."


Overboard











Why don't the squirrels take a hint from birds, and learn to poo on their adversaries? Then they could eat ALL the acorns and still have tons of ammo. Duh.


Little Lost Dog











In today's lesson, we will be learning the properties of a turtle.
Property #1: Turtles often use a hard, solid matter called a shell as a bodily protective coating.
Property #2: Porcupine spines don't stick into hard turtle shells. Omg.
This is all assuming that's a turtle, of course, and not a loaf of bread with legs.

Lio











Damn, why does Lio get all the luck? I've always wanted to be sucked into a sewer and thrown a birthday party by illiterate cycloptic octopi!

Chuckle Bros












Okay, goats, kids, haha. What I'm wondering is why the family of goats has a lamp-table with legs made of goat horns in their own home? Wouldn't it be creepy if humans had coffee tables with actual severed human legs? The answer is yes. Yes, it would be creepy.

Cathy











Personally, I would be completely okay with my mother-in-law organizing my clothing for me. If she wanted to clean my house, I'd be overjoyed. However (glancing at the state of Cathy's desk & office) Cathy looks like she really enjoys unorganized clutter, so... I guess that's just her thing.

Brenda Star










...Salman surely won't mind. He's such a nice, understanding guy. Oh, and by the way, could you please smack me upside the head for using random bold words where they aren't freaking neccessary? Thanks.


Bo Nanas











Comic Strip: Bo Nanas
Number of panels: 4
Joke: "Why are you waiting for the bus when you're wearing a rocket pack, smart one?"
Number of panels needed for joke: 1
Task: Figure out how to lengthen the comic into all 4 panels.
[COMPLETED]


--
Hope you enjoyed my first review. I shall now return to my regularly scheduled doldrums...

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Daily Comic Strips of 5/20/2008

The Daily Comics Review is happy to bring you Tuesdays fine assortment of crappy comics. I have been searching lately for other people doing what I am doing and trying to make contacts within the small group of people with time to waste on blogging about comics. I have been surprised there is so little discussion by individuals on their own sites but so much commenting by visitors on established sites. Like I have said, if you like critiquing comics I want your help! I envision this site becoming a collection of comics commentators covering web comics, soap opera comics and regular old strips too. Contact me if you're interested.


Apartment 3-G 5/20/08








I am amazed that we have never seen any dope in this comic even though ti has been overwhelming the strip lately. Besides the fact that "Haley" has her vocabulary stuck in the 70's, Alan can't seem just let his inhibitions down to "have some fun". A3G has been the most predictable soap comic lately with this downward drug spiral sure to end in a job ending and/or family intervention. Personally I hope this plot line ends with a drug deal gone wrong and somebody getting shanked.


Over the Hedge 5/20/08








OTH is one of those dailies I read for the slight smirk it gives me almost every day. Today though I got a full chuckle from RJ and Hammy and their Lord of the Rings impersonation. Sorry Verne, nobody loves you.


Red and Rover 5/20/08








NO MORE FREAKIN CROSS-STRIP COMICS Sheesh! Those who have been following Mark Trail know all about the over-zealous dog-nappers but it seems they have gone way too far this time, making off with the next most-famous comic dog next to Marmaduke. Let us all hope for the swift return of Rover, because a strip called Red would just be communist.


Wee Pals 5/20/08







I have to confess something to all my readers today (all 2 of you). I hate Berets. They look bad on pretty much everyone, most people who choose to wear them as a fashion statement think they are being edgy when they are really being lame, and I would be fine if they were outlawed everywhere in the world except for France. Also this comic isn't funny, it's just depressing. I have complained about the mouths in this strip before, but today we have this ugly mug front and center in our final frame and now I'm not even interested in lunch any more.


Wizard of Id 5/20/08










Look, I know that he means what he said symbolically, but the idea of watersports in Wizard of Id was just too much for me to take without saying something. For a strip that has been boring for years, it appears all we needed to spice it up was a little urine fetish humor.

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