Bazaar of the Bizarre

This post would have been much better for last week, but the comics page didn't deliver. So come one, come all to the Daily Comics Review Bazaar of the Bizarre! I, your humble host Mike P, shall guide you through three comics, each bizarre in their own way! First off...

The Barn

...the only thing really bizarre about this one is the owl! Just look at his eyes! LOOK AT HIS CRAZY EYES! Also, this reminds me of the owl from "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" whose name I won't look up but I think is Kaepora Gaebora or something like that. Mainly because he's carrying off that little sheep.

In the Bleachers

Next, we have this odd installment of "In the Bleachers" which doesn't take place in the usual sports-themed arena, but rather a surgical theater! At least, I think that's what they're called! Once again, I refuse to look it up! That's really the only bizarre thing about this. However, I do want to point out the sloppy caption coupled with the poor use of word balloons. This cartoon could have worked perfectly well without the word balloons:

Or with no caption, but rather an extra word balloon:

It does work as-is, of course, but it's also a muddled mess. One might argue that the surgeon's cry of "scalpel!" is to clarify what's going on, but really, who needs that?

Flight Deck

Our final stop in this Bazaar of the Bizarre is this: a seemingly innocuous single-panel comic that, at first glance, seems to be just a meta-commentary on the cliche it's portraying. Look closer, but not too close, for the man is just aching for a chance to devour his companion. The man is truly mad.

Go now into the night, for this Bazaar is over.

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Zippy the zombie tap danced on the 4th and got heavily frisked by a toaster.

Good morning, all.  Arkholt again.  Last time, I neglected to mention my other comic blog thing, The Silent Penultimate Panel.  For those who wish, please check it out.

Here's more comic blurbs, which I hope will serve to wake you up a bit.

Zippy the Pinhead:

As today is laundry day for myself as well as many others, I hope that we will all find it as interesting as Zippy does.  I know I never do.  Neither the washers nor dryers at my laundromat have windows, so I can't watch them go round and round anyway.  They don't even have indicators for how much longer they're going to take, so I just have to wait there and hope they'll be done soon.

Good for Zippy, though.  He can make anything interesting.

Reality Check:

This is either extremely sad or extremely creepy or both.  I have to admit that "heavy frisking" is indeed a very amusing phrase, however.

They Flying McCoys:

"You're...  at toaster!  A toaster!  No, no...  is it a movie?  It's a movie!  The Brave Little Toaster!  Yes!  No, no, no...  No!  No more hints!  No hints!  I'm going to get this..."

Beetle Bailey:

Depending on how good Zero is at tap dancing, I believe that it could put people to sleep.  Of course, Camp Swampy could always just break down and buy a recording of Taps and play it over the loudspeaker.  Watching people fall asleep from Zero's tap dancing would be far more entertaining, though, I think.

Over the Hedge:

It would only really work to add him to the group if he was a zombie animal.  I'd read it if there was a zombie animal.  Like the skunk that they conjured up for the movie.  I'd love to see her dead...  er, I mean undead.

Flight Deck:

I bet people whose birthdays are on holidays get those kinds of questions all the time.  "What's it like?" I bet when they're kids it's cool, but the older they get the more annoying it must be.  "Do you realize you're the fiftieth person to ask me that today?  Do you realize you're not the only one who thinks it's neat to have your birthday on a national holiday?  Do you realize that fewer people are probably going to come to my birthday party because they're all out having 4th of July celebrations?"

Yes, as you guessed, I'd be only slightly bitter.  Good thing my birthday's not on a holiday.

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A Bountiful Harvest

Today, the comic strip harvest is bountiful, as is the bounty everywhere else. Carafe has two new comics since last week, as does Time-Mind Sync-Warp. You can also check out my new-ish project (with comics from over a year ago) at Retro AoMP. And, while I'm only doing weekly comic strip commentary at the Meekrat Entertainment Group, there's still a wealth of new stuff for you to read and participate in. Now then, on with the commentary:

Rhymes with Orange, 3/25/10

One time, a gang-banger assaulted me because I said that "Rhymes with Orange" sucked. I still don't think it's the best comic, but I liked this one. I can easily see later Golden Age/Silver Age Superman doing this. I especially like the first little panel, where Superman tells the guy that next, they'll go tubing.

Mark Trail, 3/25/10

I try not to comment on soap strips. Josh Fruhlinger has them pretty much covered, and each one has their own separate blog. I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the second panel, where it appears that a giant duck is flying head-first towards the nefarious Parker Brothers.

Grin and Bear It, 3/25/10

Why do you need to be told about Massachusetts?

Flight Deck, 3/25/10

It's been years since I had cable, but if I recall correctly, the Playboy Channel is also a Pay-Per-View channel. Which means that most people (save for people who really really want to see soft-core pornography) would probably watch the Food Channel instead of the Playboy Channel.

BC, 3/25/10

This comic made me hungry for rice cakes. Not the diet ones, though. The white cheddar ones. Those are delicious.

Adam@Home, 3/25/10

There's these laser washes around here. For some reason, going through them brings me an immense amount of glee. The other ones, though, where you have to get out of the car? Or even non laser washes? Not nearly as much glee. Probably has to do with the lasers.

Today's post was brought to you by the letter "F", because it's rather needy. If you'd like to sponsor a post, contact us somehow. My e-mail address is meekrateg@gmail.com, so perhaps use that?

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No One Cares about Jamaal and Yolanda

Hey there. It's Friday. You're stuck with me again, but then you have six days to totally forget I exist. Unless you read the Meekrat Entertainment Group, Time-Mind Sync-Warp, or certain days of Carafe. Anyway, here's some commentary.

Academia Waltz, 02/26/10

For some reason, Comics.com or whatever is sending us old "Academia Waltz" strips, which is the comic Berkeley Breathed did before any of his other comics. Which is neat, I guess, but every time I read something about Breathed, it's always mentioned that "Academia Waltz" was sort of bad. So why re-run it? Anyway, the comic they gave us today shows us a pervy professor. The guy probably has tenure, otherwise I don't see how he could get away with molesting a statue like that.

Flight Deck, 02/26/10

Let's welcome Barry, He-Who-is-Death, to comment on this:

Barry went on to say that all the other reapers would probably laugh at the guy at first, then feel bad for him since he was ripped off by that salesman. Or at least Barry would.

Brewster Rockit, 02/26/10

I like all the robots. Also, I could probably name each and every one of them from memory, if pressed. Or at least tell you what they were from.

Herb and Jamaal, 02/26/10

In the world of Herb and Jamaal, Jamaal has a thing for Yolanda, and she has a thing for him, obviously. Except neither one of them is willing to take the next step and actually get into a relationship, and instead pull little things like this every now and again. It's not funny. It's not cute. In today's comic, it's even sort of creepy. What it is, though, is really really stupid. No one in the world is sitting around wondering if these two crazy kids will ever get together. No one cares about Herb and Jamaal that much to even think about it when it's not right in front of them. I used to do a blog about it and I hardly remember the strip exists when it's not right in front of my face. So what I'm saying is, can the romantic comedy/sitcom plot nonsense. Either let them be a freaking couple (like "Luann" did with its similarly matched Toni and Brad) or just stop all these faux-cute things like this. For serious.

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Look, it's commentary.

Hey. Go click the links I gave you yesterday, and here's a new one for you: Time-Mind Sync-Warp. Now then, look, it's commentary.

Baby Blues, 02/19/10

I just like the name of the gym. It's kind of nonsensical, but sort of makes sense, since if you get into really bad shape you'll probably die.

Committed, 02/19/10

At first, I was going to rant about how Discovery Zone hasn't been around for like, ten years. Then I noticed that this comic was from 1997, which means that I can talk about how I do, in fact, remember that there was such a place as Discovery Zone. Then I looked up what happened to it, realized how old I feel remembering life as a child, and got very depressed. Anyway, they sort of got hoisted on their own petard and, after filing for bankruptcy, were bought out by Chuck E. Cheese's. Which used to be a lot better, when they had actual arcade games.

Flight Deck, 02/19/10

My mother and little brother are pretty much obsessed with the Beatles, and everything Beatles-related, so I experience a greater amount of Paul McCartney than a good portion of the population. Therefore, I'm coming from a good place when I say that he looks sort of like someone's grandmother now. This is not meant to mock the man, but is merely a fact.

Funky Winkerbean, 02/19/10

It looks like Wally Winkerbean is about to have a violent war flashback, resulting in the deaths of a lot of the cast and background characters. It still isn't the worst way to die in this comic strip, though.

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Light Load

Light load today, folks. If you're still aching to read stuff, though, may I suggest the Meekrat Entertainment Group? Or perhaps Carafe, which has been proven to rock your socks off? Or perhaps Time-Mind Sync-Warp, which is another new webcomic sensation? All of them are available for your reading pleasure. Now then, on with the commentary:

New Adventures of Queen Victoria, 1/21/10

Oscar Wilde is a character in this strip, right? I want to see a wit-off between Conan O'Brien and Oscar Wilde. Such a thing would be epic and probably only of interest to about five people, but I am one of those five people, darn it. Make it happen, whoever makes this strip.

Natural Selection, 1/20/10

This is a comic panel about a man who is about to mount a dog. The dog is, rightfully, screaming in terror. Don't know how he can do that, but stress can make a person (or dog) do amazing things.

Flight Deck, 1/20/10

This panel is not funny. If you have to explain who someone is within the panel in order for the joke to be gotten, then you're trying entirely too hard. Also, a person's height has nothing to do with basketball skill. I'm sure it helps, but it's not everything.

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Chomp Chomp

All I want to do is post a bunch of comics at the DCR but for some reason the people at Comics.com feel that people don't read the comics until the late afternoon, early evening. When I first signed up at Comics.com, the strips were sent out between 2 and 3 in the morning, then it got later until I was receiving the email between 9 and 10 in the morning. Now I don't get the email until between 2 and 5. But enough ranting about technology, onto the comics.

Wee Pals and One Big Happy 1/12/10


Both these comics feature a guest appearance by popular sound effect "chomp" today. Neither of which is helped by this.

Also, does the joke in Wee Pals become less racist because it's a kid saying it or because the cartoonist is African-American?

Mary Worth 1/12/10

Yes, all kids without fathers turn out to be horrible, horrible people. I mean, look at me. I am a decent husband and father who spends his free time blogging about comic strips. Who knows where I could be with a father figure in my life.

Why does Kurt seem to be getting more hopped up and scruffier as the week progresses?

Beetle Bailey 1/12/10

Where did Lt. Fuzz get those General clothes? More importantly, where did he get the stars, bars and medals?

Red and Rover 1/12/10

So are we to believe that isn't a Twinkie he's going to eat but get your generic cream-filled sponge cake?

Family Circus 1/12/10

"If you two don't calm down I will park this car by a lake, get out, release the parking brake and watch the car roll backwards into the water!"

Comics.com finally sent the email so here are some strips from Comics.com.

Flight Deck 1/12/10

And it took you this long to figure it out? You couldn't just press your ear to the door and listen for Ray Romano's nasally voice?

Arlo & Janis 1/12/10

Arlo compliments his wife in weird ways. Why can't he just say "I love you" like normal guys? If you have to think about where the compliment might be, it's not really a compliment.

Herman 1/12/10

Who paints their floor? It should've been "mopped" or "waxed".

Pickles 1/12/10

I love when stuff spontaneously combusts.

Frazz 1/12/10

Frazz is supposedly to be a pretty smart comic strip but I've noticed several strips where Jeff Mallett has opted to change something for the sake of a joke. Today it's "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". Goldilocks wasn't upset about having to eat porridge, she was upset because the first two she tried were too hot and too cold. She did eat Baby Bear's porridge because it was "just right". Goldilocks shouldn't be upset at anything. She committed a B&E and trespassed and the Bears didn't press charges.

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Hey everyone out there in comic strip land.

Ha, half an hour to spare! I spend a lot of this post talking directly to the comic strips, their creators, or characters within the comic strips. Tomorrow I am probably doing something foolishly complicated, so be sure to be here!

Ballard Street, 10/8/09

I don't know which one is Benny, but I'm willing to guess it's not the one whose head is smeared against a wall. You don't mess with Benny and live to tell the tale.

Farcus, 10/8/09

Dear comic strip people,

Please don't do anymore jokes where a character is at "Mom's Diner" and the waitress is actually acting like their mother. "Ziggy" has done it to death, and I don't think it's been funny since the first time you did it, and it probably wasn't that funny even then. Thank you.

Mike Podgorski

The Lockhorns, 10/8/09

Leroy, I say this not as someone who actually cares about your well-being at all, but as a concerned member of the human race and comic strip blogging community (which you should really e-mail me about joining if you've got a comic strip blog) who detests you and your wife and your stale antagonistic antics: if you're getting up to go to the bathroom five times a night, there's something wrong. Seek help immediately.

Andy Capp, 10/8/09

Why not just take one long nap, Andy Capp? By the way, your fries are pretty good.

Flight Deck and Close to Home, 10/8/09

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS, COMIC STRIPS. ESPECIALLY IF IT'S FOR FINANCIAL REASONS. WE CANNOT ALL BE SUCCESSFUL CARTOONISTS WITH MONEY BINS AND GOLDEN YACHTS LIKE YOU. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A LOSER. SO SCREW YOU.

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Do Gorillas Even Know What Pratfall Means?

What is on the up today my friends? Below are some things for you to read. You are probably already reading them because this introductory section is usually very boring and contains no useful information. I hope you are enjoying the comics and/or the commentary that you are reading instead of this. I don't know why I'm still typing because I have long ago lost everyone. Now I am done.


Brevity 10/7/09

Behold, the only use of the word 'pratfall' ever in a comic strip.



Flight Deck 10/7/09

Does this even count as a joke anymore? It's been a long time since the remote control and the cordless phone were invented, let's move on to newer technologies. Like how fax machines are hard to use. That one's still pretty fresh.



The Meaning of Lila 10/7/09

First: if it's the newest Nintendo portable, it's not a Game Boy, it's a DS. Second, Game Boy is hardly sexist. Considering it came out of Japan we're lucky it isn't called Tentacle Monster Happy Rape Computer or something else disturbing.

Seriously, have you seen some of the crazy shit Japanese culture comes up with?


There are going to be some disappointed people searching for tentacle rape and ending up here.

And yes, I know not all Japanese culture is fucked up. I just like perpetuating the stereotype.

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Saturday is for T&A

Well, comic strip T&A. Also, my views on super-powered women and polical pundits! Are you excited yet?



Prickly City 7/1/09

Keith Olberman is the leftist equivalent to Bill O'Reilly. I'm sorry if you didn't know that, but it's true. He does make more sense than Bill-O, as KO refers to him, but for the most part he spews the same garbage, just from a different view point.

If you want a newsman that really tells it like it is, you want Rush Limbaugh. He's my only source of reliable information in this age where the government has taken over all media.*



Yenny 7/1/09

There is no comic, that isn't actual porn, that brings more skin than Yenny. It seems the only real point the strip has is to show as much T&A as possible without actually showing any T&A. If there were more comics that had this much skin maybe the comic page would make a comeback.

(Get it? Comeback? Hehehehe)



Flight Deck 7/2/09

Why does the sperm have eyes and a mouth, but not the egg? Wouldn't it make sense to give them both human characteriztics instead of just the male part? Is this another case of sexism? Probably not since it's a lame joke about a movie that not many people remember outside of one scene.



Ink Pen 7/3/09

What's this? More sexism? Will it never end?

Wait. How did she destroy that old-timey computer? It goes from perfectly fine to smashed and we don't get to see how it gets that way? WTF? I bet that a super-fast guy came and obliterated it, as we all know that a female could never have destroyed it all by herself. Not even a super-powered one with the strength of ten men.

Wait. That makes no sense. Are my views toward sex and destruction out of line? Is my whole world view wrong?! NOOO!!


Tune in next week when something else exciting will happen.







*Not really, I hate that guy. Stephen Colbert is the only pundit that commands me.**



**Again, not really. I have no moral compass and have no reservations about cutting off your leg if it makes me smile.***



***Hmm. I guess that really does make me like Rush Limbaugh. Damn.

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