by Hal Bent
Late getting to it today, but we're getting to it. Let me start off with my usual hatred of all things Ziggy to get the ball rolling and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside:
Ziggy by Tom Wilson & Tom II:
Waiting for the blizzard here in the Northeast and ready to dig deep into the dark, steamy underworld of comic strips:
The Middletons by Ralph Dunagin and Dana Summers:
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I don't have any idea if Mike will be making a post but just in case I decided to pre-empt him with one a day early. BOOYA SPIDER-MAN GUY!
Nedroid 11/25/09
I'm thankful for xy and Mike, all our Project Wonderful advertisers and our amazing fans!
XKCD 11/24/09
Something about this time of year always reminds me of that damn ski game. Somebody needs to remake it in 3d or maybe make a full length motion picture based on it. Rainbow jumps, annoying snowboarders, logs, dogs and snow monsters!
The Middletons 11/25/09
So did you know this whole "turkey makes you sleepy" thing is total shit? Please enlighten yourself and everyone you know so we can stop these LIES! Here's an article backing it up.
Dinosaur Comics 11/25/09
In America it is easy to forget that not everywhere is the same as here. For example did you know in Canadia they don't even celebrate the fourth Thursday of November? Come on Canadia, get with the times already!
Apparently you didn't heed my request to tell me about married life with a comment. Today my request is much simpler.
New Adventures of Queen Victoria 7/21/09
Apparently this week is 'Bash Dane Cook Week' at NAQV. While I agree that he's a tad overrated, comparing him to what passes for SNL these days just isn't fair. And yesterday they said Garfield was funnier. Listen, a bag of sand on your balls is funnier has more wit and hilarity than Garfield and Dane is clearly better than a bag of sand on your balls.
Also, some of Dane's movies are not entirely horrible. The same cannot be said of the Garfield movies.
The Middletons 7/21/09
If you think the government is controlling the auto companies here are few things you need to do right now:
1. Groom yourself. Because you're most likely the type of person that thinks the government is watching you through the mirror. Guess what? They aren't. They don't care about you so go take a damn shower.
2. Find a job. Because you think that by working and paying taxes the government will chemically sterilize you in your sleep. Guess what? They can't do that and they don't want to. Besides, your chances of reproducing are slim to none anyway.
3. Finish your GED. Because you never finished high school because you didn't want the 'Man' to tell you what to do. Guess what? The only thing the 'Man' is interested in is how to make more money. Seeing as you have no skills because you didn't finish high school, he doesn't even know you exist. And even if you had your diploma, you're so stupid that the 'Man' wouldn't want anything to do with you.
Sorry about all that. Things got away from a little bit.
C'est La Vie 7/21/09
Um...ok. That works for me. Although it is odd that a woman thinks that a man can't possibly be friends with another woman just because she has ginormous juggs. Men think women can be friends with other men that have huge trouser snakes. Although a large member isn't as obvious as large breasts.
God I love to type that.
Breasts. It just feels to good when you type it. Why don't you try it right now?
...I sure hope the Fritz is enjoying it. I don't think he is.
But seriously, my Franken-PC-running-linux is on its last legs here. It's very fragile and sensitive, like an old person. Or rather, a very young child. Either way it's dying. That's why I'm doing the Wednesday review instead of Friday; tomorrow I begin the backup process & begin rebuilding on a new machine. So YOU lucky ducks get to listen to my mindless drivel TODAY!!
Much gratitude to XY who's offered to take over the Friday review, btw.
Annie 6/10
Okay, seriously? Surely Annie and the person right behind her would've noticed that Frisco was scared wayyyyy before the actual jump. Then they would've taken the appropriate action (push Frisco out of the boxcar before them) and this mess wouldn't have happened. By the time she jumps, she'll be miles away and probably land on a barbed-wire fence or something.
Cleats 6-10
Yeah, because the correct course of action when one is irresponsible is to physically abuse the people around you. Ginger there should dump the wormy-gooey bait all over Annoying Kid, shouting "THERE'S your repellant! Happy?!" Or maybe just hook him "by accident." Heh heh heh.
Compu-Toon 6/10
"I'm going to have to fire you now, because you obviously forgot that in this day and age, people can (a) get other productive work done DURING a download, and (b) you can lock your computer and leave for the night during a download as well."
Is it just me, or does the boss have three glasses lenses? Nice placement of the doorknob, Charles.
Foxtrot 6/10
Is it just me, or do I seem to remember Bob Fox igniting the grill in a previous strip? Sigh... when will he ever learn? Oh wait, I forgot, playing with fire is fun. Rock on pyromaniacs everywhere!
The Middletons 6/10
"On second thought, let's mug someone else. This elderly, overweight woman seems to be able to yell obnoxiously and twirl her cane around, which I honestly don't think I can handle. Because we are The Middletons, and we are complete wusses!"
Finally, I give you a panel of Bad Reporter that made me audibly laugh, which rarely happens when I read comics as of late:
Well, I'll be back next Friday, hopefully on a new Frankencomp that's actually alive.
Until then, mahalo.
Welcome one and all, to another scintillating edition of The Daily Comics Review. Today you'll find old ladies doing things you really don't want to see them doing, a really old strip that has clearly gone insane, and some other really boring comic that is terrible. Enjoy!
The Middletons 6/9/09
Thing number 4 you don't want to catch your mother doing: surfing porn sites with only one hand.
That's a pretty weird fetish too. I don't think I've ever heard of people screwing pastries. I know that some people like food, but I had no idea that there were sub-groups within the food fetish.
Dick Tracy 6/9/09
Is it really necessary to tell the reader that Dick is disguising his voice? Maybe we aren't the smartest people in the world, but give us a little credit. I'm pretty sure more people are confused by the explanation than by what Dick is actually doing.
Also, his name is Dick, hehe.
It's All About You 6/6/09
I agree, you should be other people because you are both really, really boring and lame. If one of you was a hero or a villain, or at least homeless or something, this strip might actually be of interest to people.
That's all for today. Come back tomorrow. Or else.
Welcome to day 2 of my reign of . . . well, I guess it's not really a reign of any sort just yet. I'll let history be the judge of how awesome my leadership of this blog was.
Tank McNamara 6/3/09
I get that this is a Manny Ramirez joke, but why would Fedex have a sorting machine that detects female fertility drugs? I didn't know that Fedex sorted anything actually, I though they just threw everything into a truck and wished for the best.
Also, you can't ship people, so this joke is incredibly dumb in several ways.
The Middletons 6/3/09
If there was an old lady just standing around, looking angry, I would not hesitate to turn and run. Old ladies are scary.
Gil Thorp 6/3/09
I don't normally comment on strips that already have their own blogs dedicated to them, but I had to mention today's Gil Thorp. What the fuck were they going to do with pizza boxes? Or Diet Coke cartons for that matter?
If they had said Diet Coke bottles, then I could have some ideas in my head of what the plan was, but what can you do with a cardboard box?
Cleats 6/3/09
Cleats receives a fail for not realizing that no one under the age of 20 knows what air guitar is. Kids these days have their newfangled Guitar Hero and Rock Band things that let them simulate what it's like to play a guitar that has one string that somehow becomes four. Or is it five? I've never played either of those games.
So. Here I am, innocent li'l old me, sitting at my desk reading through what's new in Google Reader. Suddenly I come across an interesting post about the DCR that says they're taking time off! Next, I see that they're trying to avoid that by adding more writers, so I offered my blogging/reviewing expertise (of which I have very little, up til now) and Bryce said yes.
The process is as such: I read comics, and when I see one that's stupid, hilarious, scoff-at-able, doesn't make sense, or that I think I could have written better, I'll review it. Whilst reviewing, I'm going to attempt to utilize my wit and wisdom of the world to its full potential.
I hail from upstate NY, and I'm a sophomore in college with a CMA major and a minor in music.
You can view my complete profile here.
That being said, here's my first review.
I think you can just assume that all the comics reviewed are from today, 5-15-09.
The Middletons
Whenever I see someone who's hunched over in pain, having just thrown their back out, I make sure I mock & ridicule them as much as possible... don't you?
Red and Rover
Red: "Because when I'm working with a trained group of sharpshooters who are willing to kill people, they won't notice that I'm the only one who aims poorly every time, and they most certainly won't turn against me. And really, aiming away from the condemned man will be for my own satisfaction, because the other six guys won't miss anyway."
Rover: "Ah. I see. So, is this firing squad based in Sherwood Forest? I've never seen a firing squad that used bows and arrows before."
Red: "Uh..."
Overboard
Why don't the squirrels take a hint from birds, and learn to poo on their adversaries? Then they could eat ALL the acorns and still have tons of ammo. Duh.
Little Lost Dog
In today's lesson, we will be learning the properties of a turtle.
Property #1: Turtles often use a hard, solid matter called a shell as a bodily protective coating.
Property #2: Porcupine spines don't stick into hard turtle shells. Omg.
This is all assuming that's a turtle, of course, and not a loaf of bread with legs.
Lio
Damn, why does Lio get all the luck? I've always wanted to be sucked into a sewer and thrown a birthday party by illiterate cycloptic octopi!
Chuckle Bros
Okay, goats, kids, haha. What I'm wondering is why the family of goats has a lamp-table with legs made of goat horns in their own home? Wouldn't it be creepy if humans had coffee tables with actual severed human legs? The answer is yes. Yes, it would be creepy.
Cathy
Personally, I would be completely okay with my mother-in-law organizing my clothing for me. If she wanted to clean my house, I'd be overjoyed. However (glancing at the state of Cathy's desk & office) Cathy looks like she really enjoys unorganized clutter, so... I guess that's just her thing.
Brenda Star
...Salman surely won't mind. He's such a nice, understanding guy. Oh, and by the way, could you please smack me upside the head for using random bold words where they aren't freaking neccessary? Thanks.
Bo Nanas
Comic Strip: Bo Nanas
Number of panels: 4
Joke: "Why are you waiting for the bus when you're wearing a rocket pack, smart one?"
Number of panels needed for joke: 1
Task: Figure out how to lengthen the comic into all 4 panels.
[COMPLETED]
--
Hope you enjoyed my first review. I shall now return to my regularly scheduled doldrums...
Today is Saturday. Do you know what that means? That means that you get to read my fabulous observations about some really bad comics from the past week.
Bliss 5/4/09
That is the most awesome thing that has ever been on the local news. If there were something like this on the news every night, I guarantee that more people would be watching the news. Because if there's one thing that people like, it's the pain of someone else.
Pardon My Planet 5/4/09
It does not please your honor. In fact, it greatly displeases your honor. The bench is only 15 you disgusting pervert. Wait. You're a chair. How are you able to talk? Am I dreaming? What the hell is going on?! AHHH!!! (runs out of the courthouse and into traffic, getting struck by a car and dying on the street)
The Middletons 5/6/09
If acid reflux is the only thing you got from the 1960's, you weren't a real hippie. Real hippie's got all kinds of bad things from all the drugs. Mostly they can't think anymore because most of their brain has turned to mush. Damn hippies.
Hold your nose, these comics freaking stink!
The Better Half 4/21/09
LOL TEH ECONOMIES SUX< SO DOES THA HOUSEZ ROFL
Broom Hilda 4/20/09
"If that doesn't work I also wouldn't mind SHOOTING YOU IN THE FACE!"
Herb and Jamaal 4/10/09
It really says something about HJ that they are the only comic strip with two nominations so far this year. As soon as you're over 40 it is IMPOSSIBLE to continue getting closer to 40, only farther away. Job opening for syndicated cartoonist: basic understanding of mathematics not required.
The Middletons 4/6/09
Smelling piss = text messages. What?
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