Recalculating....

What a beautiful day...at least in my neck of the woods.  Which mean tomorrow it will snow.  We'll lead off this entry with today's Garfield which will segue into some shameless self-promotion.

Garfield

I don't know what made Jon think he is handy around the house.  But at least we know Garfield has a Facebook page.  You know who else has a FB page?  Meekrat, Dog Spelled Forward, The Bird Feeder, Stupid Inventor and the DCR itself.  For some reason, I used to have one then got rid of it.  Maybe I will bring it back someday.  We all also have Twitter however @theDCR hasn't been updated since July 27, 2010.

Todd the Dinosaur

Instead of making a joke about eating dolphins and pandas, I would contact the grocery store manager who would kindly ask these two douchebags to get off his property.  I mean, it is clear that they approaching people in the parking lot.  Then I would mention dolphins and pandas.

Crock

Yeah.  Okay.  I guess this is kind of topical...

Bizarro

I love the Mayhem commercials from All State.  That's really all I have to say about this panel.

Hi and Lois

Along with it being the vernal equinox, tonight is also when the Devil visits Stull Cemetery.  I notice Hi doesn't mention that.

Wee Pals

The kids in Wee Pals are way too touchy about everyday phrases.  Even the handicapped/disabled girl in the chair seems very upset and offended that that boy is using the phrase "handicap" correctly!!

Family Circus

Great.  Those dogs are eating chocolate.  Now they are going to die.

New Adventures of Queen Victoria

Using the formula of comic book characters can use powers while the Archie and Newspaper side use popularity, my Final Four is Green Lantern, The Hulk, Jughead and, reluctantly, Calvin with Hulk and Calvin being the champions (based on popularity).  Who would win the championship...I'd go with Calvin.  What would your Final Four and such be?  Let us know in the comments.

Ziggy

Does Ziggy now live in a dystopian future that looks eerily like three weeks from now?

Wait.  On the bracket, are the Wee Folks the same as Wee Pals?

A quick search reveals 'Yes.  Yes it is.'

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Toast and tweets.

Arkholt is back with more comic blurbs, guaranteed to amuse and excite!

Todd the Dinosaur:

The kids obviously only need half a day in order to get so smart.  The juice breaks and nap times are the key, of course.  Kids don't learn as much in higher grades because they don't get them.  We ought to institute juice breaks and nap times for all grades.  I'm writing my senator.

Bizarro:

Have you ever considered trimming it for me as long as you're up there?

Pardon My Planet:

I prefer peanut butter and jelly commandments, myself.  I put butter on my Jesus and Virgin Mary toast.

Candorville:

 
Maybe it's just me, but this seems a bit lazy.  It's kind of interesting when it's done once, but when it's done over and over again it just seems silly.  There's already a TV sitcom about somebody's tweets.  We don't need a comic strip based on it.  Mr. Bell, please try harder next time.

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So it's Halloween again.  Have you seen Google's doodle for the day?  Show me someone who doesn't like Scooby-Doo and I will personally beat them up (you have to pay travel expenses though).*  One thing that people loved to do in my area on Halloween was enter a cemetery outside of town that was rumored to be one of the places the Devil rises from to dance with the dead.  It wasn't really that there was anything special about the cemetery except it had a creepy old church standing on a hill looking over the cemetery and town.  People (i.e., drunk college students) would enter the cemetery and report feeling chills or things tapping on their shoulders.  Normally this probably wouldn't be a problem and the town would embrace their weird little heritage but when you start knocking over graves and leaving your beer bottles out there, something has to be done.  The sheriff began patrolling the area at Halloween which kept a lot of people away.  My friends and I went out there several times just to explore the old church, which was the main source of all the curiosity seekers.  The church was torn down in 2002 and the pile of rubble is still there.  The cemetery was the subject of an Urge Overkill song and was used for a battle between good and evil in the fifth season finale of The CWs Supernatural.  I'm never going to get those "ghost hunting" experiences back--I just wish I remembered to take pictures.  Teenage Brian was an idiot.**

*And I probably won't beat anyone up but will cower in the fetal position.


**Adult Brian isn't much better.

And now, comics!!

 My Cage 10/31/10

I read the blog post on mycagecomic.com and it looks like some good things are coming from the My Cage creators so here's hoping My Cage returns in some form and let me tell you that I am kind of interested in seeing what "Jack" is.  I'm a dork for historical fiction.

Todd the Dinosaur 10/31/10

Some of you may remember a few day (weeks?) back where Dagwood was having trouble finding shirts that only had one button.  If that strip hadn't ran, I'm pretty sure I would be confused by today's Todd the Dinosaur.

B.C. 10/31/10

Looks like the Fat Broad owes Linus, Sally and Charlie Brown restitution.

Baldo 10/31/10

Let us not forget that it is also the Day of the Dead.  I wish I could remove my skin, muscles and veins...

Cleats 10/31/10

Are those ghosts supposed to be anyone in particular?  I mean, if you are going to show the ghosts of dead comic strip characters then why don't you show Charlie Brown, Calvin, Dondi, Little Orphan Annie, Little Nemo.  Actually show kids of strips that are no longer being produced.

New Adventures of Queen Victoria 10/31/10

Sounds like Her Majesty needs to get on some type of even-pay/budget billing type deal.

Wee Pals 10/31/10

I hate Wee Pals.  The only reason I'm posting this is to bring attention to the gigantic "10-31" in the last panel.  Why is it so big?

Luckily, manufacturers of "flesh-colored" adhesive strips market to the entire nation, not just your neighborhood.

On a Claire Day 10/31/10

This just made me laugh and since those are few and far between, you just have to post it.

Born Loser 10/31/10

Chip wants to give a shout-out to the Dells, Pates and Smiths.  And a big eff-you to the Barkers.  Seriously, Barkers, healthy treats?  No wonder the neighborhood children egg your house every year and now everyone in the country knows what kind of losers you are.

EVERYONE HAVE A SAFE, BUT SCARY HALLOWEEN!!

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So comics distributed by King Features Syndicate colored a majority of their strips pink today to make people more aware about breast cancer.  If you haven't donated to one of the many breast cancer charities out there then you should probably get around to doing that.  Anyway, here are the comics.

Mutts 10/10/10

Mutts was one of the few strips that brought attention to it being pink.  Like always, Mutts made my eyes roll in their "this strip has so much potential" way.  The few strips to actually mention the pink-ness I didn't really like.  At least My Cage got it right.

My Cage 10/10/10

See?

Todd the Dinosaur 10/10/10

This one made me laugh out loud.  I love how cat and dog food are the foods of choice when someone is poor and can't afford to buy something to eat.  Cat food and dog food are kind of expensive.  You can get a dozen eggs for about dollar or so less than a can of pet food.

The Family Circus 10/10/10

Our last pink comic of the day forces you to think of Thel Keane getting a mammogram.  Go on.  Embroider it on the back of your eyelids.

Dick Tracy 10/10/10

I fantasize a lot about how Dick Tracy will die.  Usually, it's an inside job and Internal Affair refuses to investigate but I never thought 'murdered by hobos' would be part of the equation.

Adam @ Home 10/10/10

My mom made the exact same joke earlier.  Is my mom really the cartoonist for Adam @ Home?  It would make sense except I'm pretty sure she knows pay phones are now 50 cents and are rare.

Ziggy 10/10/10

Why would opportunity knock in the middle of the night.  This is one of the most depressing Ziggys in a long time.

So Ziggy wears pajama pants but not real pants?

Born Loser 10/10/10

I would imagine tea cozy sales would go down during a recession and a bad economy.  I just don't see how being nice will get people to buy more tea cozies though.

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I posted a comment on an article about Beetle Bailey's 60th anniversary where they compare Mort Walker and his strip to Charles Schulz and Peanuts. I commented that, like Jim Davis, Walker uses a "corporation" to produce his strips unlike Schulz who did everything himself. I want to apologize for that as Walker does not use a corporation to create Beetle Bailey. He, his sons and Jerry Dumas meet once a week to discuss the strip then they go play golf. Does Walker touch his strip anymore? Probably not except to sign them in the corner. Anyway, here's today's strip:

Beetle Bailey 9/5/10

It's really amazing how different the strip looks now. In the article I commented on, someone said that Walker needs to update the strip--basically not show Sarge pounding Beetle into a bloody pulp. Really? That's what you would update? Not, you know, sending them to war or hell even a base in Germany would at least be a step closer to relevancy.

Drabble 9/5/10

For once, I was right there with him. Until I noticed that he has a squeeze bottle of ketchup in his pants.That is ketchup right?

Mary Worth 9/5/10

"I will spend the rest of my days going bar to bar trying to find out who killed Richie, just like my father."

Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids 9/5/10

Slylock, the most unAmerican fox ever known, blatantly accuses the majestic eagle of thievery even though the ostrich and penguin worked together. The eagle doesn't want that stupid tricycle, he just wants his country back.

Lola 9/5/10

I'm fairly certain "It's a Small World (After All)" is a copyrighted song and very expensive so I doubt ice cream trucks could use. I usually hear them playing "Pop Goes the Weasel", "Mulberry Bush" and occasionally "Turkey In the Straw". If anyone has heard an ice cream truck play "It's a Small World" let me know in the comments.

Broom Hilda 9/5/10

First, that seems like an awful lot of headache inducing just to get a child to go the bed. Second, why would anybody buy a book from someone named Broom Hilda?

Reynolds Unwrapped 9/5/10

This is perhaps one of the most insulting comic strips I have seen in a long time. Mr Reynolds, you shame me.

Todd the Dinosaur 9/5/10

Technically, watching the news on PBS is like listening to NPR--it's informative and to the point and bordering on dry. But if the kids these days actually got their news from PBS or NPR, this world would be a better and more informed place.

Panel from Grin and Bear It 9/5/10

Look, kids, it's the 21st Century and it's 2010. We don't care that you are gay. You can quit hiding it.

Ask Shagg 9/5/10

I hate Ask Shagg and I bet you a dollar that somewhere there will be a kid who tells their teacher that they learned about vasserlines over the weekend.

Nancy 9/5/10

I really have nothing to say about today's Nancy but I do want to point you to this site. I knew there were people who believe that we didn't land on the Moon but people who actually believe the Moon doesn't exist? That's...I don't know what. What I like is that their "reward" for proof the Moon does exist is a paltry $100,000 and it has to be conclusive physical proof--sent by email.

I would almost go as far to say the site is a joke but considering there are people thinking the President of the United States wants to bring down the country I don't know what to think anymore.

The Born Loser 9/5/10

I'm pretty sure the Thornapples have taken a vacation this year but I'm not in the mood to search through my site to find out. But please, feel free to do it yourself. I love how Brutus has decided to take his family on vacation after Wilberforce has already started school.

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Hopefully everyone survived Friday the 13th.  If not, it would be quite unfortunate for me, because then I'd be writing this post for no reason.  Assuming there are some people reading this since they did survive, and they don't utterly hate me or my posts, I will continue to today's comic blurbs.

Family Circus:

Great.  Mommy of course had no idea that Daddy had made this deal with the kids, and had not anticipated this expenditure or the detour to the ice cream shop which will take up much more time than she had planned on.  Thanks, Daddy.  The kids are happy, though, which is really all that matters, right?

The Sunshine Club:

Here we have a strip that is in desperate need of a third panel.  That or some type of punchline.  Maybe someone could throw a brick at the TV or something.  Anything will do.  Just something to assure us that the cartoonist didn't just fall over dead in the middle of drawing this strip.

Todd the Dinosaur:

 
Of course, Todd neglects the fact that those are the only two drinks that actually have "ade" at the end of them, and that orange juice, apple juice, and grapefruit juice, among others, are all from fruits "you can pick." I'm not here to nitpick, though.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee:

 
Now, I find that most plastic wrappers sound exactly the same.  I guess those with a finely trained ear can hear the difference between a twinkie wrapper and others.  That's quite impressive.  Not only are grandpa's ears doing quite well for his age, he's also quite speedy.

Rubes:

Thus, roll-on deodorant on a stick was invented to solve the problem of tyrannosaurs having tiny arms.  Unfortunately, after the extinction of the dinosaurs the invention also disappeared due to the encroaching mammals not using deodorant.

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Women are Irrational

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Let's get this party started with some terrible jokes!

Red and Rover (05.18.10)

Wait a danged minute... With telepathy, this kid could potentially fend off hostile martians with a stick dagger!

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think of this comic. Is it sweet that the kid thinks his dog is worth protecting? Is it freakish that the kid can hear what his dog is thinking? Is it awkward that this dog has such a depressing and reproachful view of the world?

I think the answer to all of the above is, "Yeah, pretty much."

Todd the Dinosaur! (05.18.10)

Okay... That guy just totally broke all of his teeth in the 2nd panel and yet is concerned not by that fact or the fact that he will need severe dental surgery to replace his entire collection of molars and incisors that he's been growing for years, but that it might have bugs in it?

If that's the case... I refer you to an age old proverb: God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt.

Stupid comic. Still can't get over how retarded Todd looks, by the way. Am I the only one that thinks this strip should be called, Todd the Tardosaur? Come on. It changes the entire scope of the comic, makes it more edgy and potentially more funny.

Arctic Circle (05.18.10)

Scotch Tape joke? It's called Scotch tape for the same reason that tissues are referred to as Kleenex... It's a brand name. Unfunny.

Okay... let's write better dialogue for this comic. Ready?

First panel

Penguin: Wow, that's a big one there, fella. How's about me and you go starve ourselves in the Arctic for a few months?

Last panel

Other penguin: Don't look at me. Everyone knows how they are when they drink.

You guys do your own versions in the comments section.

The Better Half (05.18.10)

Yesterday I criticized a better cartoonist for tackling a younger, old joke... this comic deserves much worse.

But... instead, let's just pretend like the blurb at the end doesn't exist, but instead is replaced with the following.

"If you suggest putting that carrot in my butt during intercourse one more time... I'm going to cut you with this knife."

Yeah, that's better.

Crankshaft (05.18.10)

There is a hidden fourth panel that got deleted in the theatrical release of this comic that was the dude slapping the crap out of her. I'm not saying I agree with either party for how the comic turned out in the end, but that is a ridiculous proclamation due to ONE friggin' ant.

The end.

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