Transmissions

TO: Head of the CIA
FROM: Charleston Charge
RE: Transmissions (URGENT)

Hello, director of the CIA. I know everyone says that it's some guy named Petraeus, but you guys are the CIA. There's probably at least five levels over him, and you're at the top. Now, my name is Charleston Charge, and I have an important thing to talk to you about. It's recently come to my attention that over 2000 TB of unaccounted data have been transmitted daily since the year 1995, and while no one else wants to talk to me about it, I'm sure there's something weird going on. I think it might have something to do with that Verdant Orb thing that a lot of my contemporaries have sighted in various shots from space telescopes. I've tracked down some of what was transmitted today, and thought I should share with you. Here's the first thing:
It's today's "Arctic Circle", and I think the author is using this specific strip as an attempt to tell us that, soon, some weird creature is going to reveal themselves and start killing our ducks in order to eat them. Except, maybe, we're the ducks and they're going to eat us, which is probably a lot more likely. That's not the worst of it, though. Look:

This one is called "Overboard", and I think the implications are clear. Aliens are going to come to Earth and abduct all the humanoids. Man and ape will be united as they attempt to escape the humanoid aliens who come to take us to their home-world in order to mate with us. Maybe they won't even leave. Maybe they'll colonize Earth! It's sort of weird, isn't it, how one dog is a dog and the other talks? Oh, and I just noticed that pun at the end, but I'm getting off-track. Abductions, man! Breeding camps! Thankfully, other comic strips want to protect us:

"Brewster Rockit" knows that the only way to defeat the alien hordes is to take up arms against them. Yet is also shows us we have to be careful, lest we destroy ourselves. Stan Lee already knows about another danger:

In "Spider-Man", he shows us that it's only a matter of time until we betray ourselves.

I think what has to be done is clear, director. The CIA has to stand up against the alien menace that's coming, and I volunteer for the task force.

Awaiting your reply,
Charleston Charge

---

TO: Charleston Charge
FROM: Rahn Way
RE: RE: Transmissions (URGENT)

Stop sending us messages about this. At first, it was sort of fun to see what theories you had come up with, but it's just gotten sad. I'm the only one reading them. Please, you have to have something better to do with your life.

---

TO: Rahn Way
FROM: Charleston Charge
RE: RE: RE: Transmissions (URGENT)

This is my life. Who cares about finishing high school when there's so many things in the world that need explaining? So many dangers that need thwarting? You'll be hearing from me again.

---

There was no reply.

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Happy New Year! Also, chocolate fish and cauliflower brains.

My New Year's resolution is to actually write on this blog.  I really hope I can do it.  I mean, I did volunteer to do it, after all.  There's no reason for me to slack off.  So, I can start the new year with a post here.  Without further ado:

Arctic Circle:

I tried to find some strips that didn't have anything to do with the new year.  Thankfully, one of them had to do with chocolate fish, which happen to be my favorite kind of fish.  Of course, I don't like real fish, but that's beside the point.  I would gladly trade any real fish I happen to find for these penguins' fake chocolate fish.  If anyone knows of a way to contact them, please tell me.

Frank and Ernest:

This one didn't have anything to do with the new year either, so I picked it.  It's unfortunate, however, that they don't realize that putting a cauliflower into his head won't work.  His brain is made of mashed potatoes, as is his heart.  His intestines are, of course, made of butter and cheese.

Mutts:

You know they've been standing out there all night, taking turns holding the sign.  They waited longer than most people even, all the way until the sun came up.  Now, they can finally go home.  The bird will just have to go up a branch.  That's his front porch he's standing on, probably.

Family Circus:

And, to end off, the same tired old New Year's joke that Bil Keane does every year.  I know I've seen it on many other comic strips, too.  Yes, this "new" joke looks just like the OLD joke!

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Women are Irrational

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Let's get this party started with some terrible jokes!

Red and Rover (05.18.10)

Wait a danged minute... With telepathy, this kid could potentially fend off hostile martians with a stick dagger!

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think of this comic. Is it sweet that the kid thinks his dog is worth protecting? Is it freakish that the kid can hear what his dog is thinking? Is it awkward that this dog has such a depressing and reproachful view of the world?

I think the answer to all of the above is, "Yeah, pretty much."

Todd the Dinosaur! (05.18.10)

Okay... That guy just totally broke all of his teeth in the 2nd panel and yet is concerned not by that fact or the fact that he will need severe dental surgery to replace his entire collection of molars and incisors that he's been growing for years, but that it might have bugs in it?

If that's the case... I refer you to an age old proverb: God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt.

Stupid comic. Still can't get over how retarded Todd looks, by the way. Am I the only one that thinks this strip should be called, Todd the Tardosaur? Come on. It changes the entire scope of the comic, makes it more edgy and potentially more funny.

Arctic Circle (05.18.10)

Scotch Tape joke? It's called Scotch tape for the same reason that tissues are referred to as Kleenex... It's a brand name. Unfunny.

Okay... let's write better dialogue for this comic. Ready?

First panel

Penguin: Wow, that's a big one there, fella. How's about me and you go starve ourselves in the Arctic for a few months?

Last panel

Other penguin: Don't look at me. Everyone knows how they are when they drink.

You guys do your own versions in the comments section.

The Better Half (05.18.10)

Yesterday I criticized a better cartoonist for tackling a younger, old joke... this comic deserves much worse.

But... instead, let's just pretend like the blurb at the end doesn't exist, but instead is replaced with the following.

"If you suggest putting that carrot in my butt during intercourse one more time... I'm going to cut you with this knife."

Yeah, that's better.

Crankshaft (05.18.10)

There is a hidden fourth panel that got deleted in the theatrical release of this comic that was the dude slapping the crap out of her. I'm not saying I agree with either party for how the comic turned out in the end, but that is a ridiculous proclamation due to ONE friggin' ant.

The end.

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Melancholic Ramblings

It's Friday again, folks. Time marches on, inexhaustible and unforgiving. To make the long trek towards your inevitable death less melancholic, why not take a look at Carafe? It has varied comedic stylings, and the current installment will teach you a valuable lesson. Or how about Time-Mind Sync-Warp? Today's nostalgia and misogyny flavored installment will make you feel bittersweet memories of years past and anger at the mistreatment of women. With that, let's focus on comics which appeared today in newspapers and Internets across the world, viewed by hundreds if not thousands of people. You should feel humble, a mere speck of sentience in a sea of humanity.

Off the Mark and Strange Brew, 01/29/10

We start off this lovely Friday with two panels with the same joke. This time, it's about how bears use the woods as a bathroom. We can't go anywhere but up from here, folks!

Arctic Circle, 01/29/10

Especially when we go to Renaissance-era full-frontal nudity. I know it's a work of art and all and you can't really see anything, but if that one old episode of "The Simpsons" is any indication, then people would still get into a huff about this. Especially since it's supposedly a newspaper strip.

Cathy, 01/29/10

If I were Cathy, I'd probably have killed myself years ago. But if I were Cathy in today's strip, then I wouldn't get too excited. Irving is probably smart enough to realize you're holding the DSL cable or whatever, and he intends to plug it back in. Then again, he did marry Cathy, so we can't be sure he's very smart at all.

Moose and Molly, 01/29/10

They never found Moose's body after this ill-fated sled trip.

Gunshow, 01/29/10

I have a question, comic strip. How did that dog survive the fall? Unless it's Demidog. Then it makes perfect sense.

xkcd, 01/29/10

This comic only makes me feel sad for the poor robot. I shall go weep with sadness, and eat cookies in order to make the sadness end. It will not work: I do not have nearly enough cookies.

With that, have a good a weekend folks.

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Over-Analyzation

Today, I over-analyze things and I'm probably not very humorous at all. At least there's a bunch of words for you to read, eh? Yeah. Maybe someday I'll learn humor. For now, read on:

La Cucaracha, 11/19/09

TACO CART GUY'S TACOS ARE MADE FROM PEOPLE!

Crock, 11/19/09

Moskos should just kill Crock. Doing it with the machine gun would have been quick and easy, but I'm betting that doing him in with the shovel would be far more satisfying and fun. Also, he could bury the body when he was done! Very convenient.

Wit of the World, 11/19/09

Here's some stuff from Italy and Israel. I want to bring your attention to the second one, with the man who inexplicably has a hole in his head that shoots light out of it. Also, he's crossing his legs in a very dainty, almost lady-like, manner. We should all fear this man, especially since the hole in that helmet should, in no way, line up with the one on his head. Ah, and he may be on the moon, which may explain everything.

Frog Applause, 11/19/09

Wouldn't the top part of a Pop Tart just be the frosting and, perhaps, some of its innards? Whatever that... girl, I guess, is doing, she's not eating just the top part. She's eating the whole thing, which is the equivalent of a man drinking a can of "Sprite" and saying how much he likes drinking "Pepsi".

Sherman's Lagoon, 11/19/09

I only put this up because the concept of a Yeti Crab fascinates me, especially since he seems to be living in sin with the Loch Ness Monster. However, once I did a tiny bit of research, I found out that the Yeti Crab isn't mythical at all. Just sort of new. Also, it's frequently called the "furry lobster" which just sounds wrong.

Arctic Circle, 11/19/09

I have no idea why Oscar looks so down in the last panel. Is it because there were no hits? Is it because people were saying nasty things about him? I decided to do a Google search. The first page primarily features Oscar Wilde, then it just devolves into nonsense after that. The images are just a bunch 0f random pictures, including one of the comic strip character. So I have no idea what he's so down about, unless he really dislikes Oscar Wilde for some reason.

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Fan-Freakin-Tastic Friday Comics Review

Well if you're only going to get two updates from me in a week, one of them better be damn good! Can you tell that I had to restrain myself from putting a swear word in the post title? I'm trying to make this place a little more professional god damn it.

Dick Tracy 2/20/09

In what law enforcement code of conduct handbook would this scenario ever be allowed. "If you know a criminal will be returning to a crime scene, quietly wait without any backup until they arrive. When they enter, spray them in the eyes with whatever the victim has available. If they try to flee immediately apprehend them, unless of course they are trying to escape with the use of a vehicle. In the case of vehicular fleeing, follow behind the car until it crashes. Blame any collateral damage on the chief."


Get Fuzzy 2/19/09

Great, now I've get to get to the lawyers office and update my Will.


Luann 2/19/09

"Guys I just met the President! He said I could be a senator some day! Yeah that was it, I had to cut him off cuz I had a turtle head poking out." That's the kind of story you can tell your grandchildren some day.


Henry 2/19/09

So Henry farts down the railing, farts all through out the house on his way outside, then farts all over the snowman this little kid is trying to build. Am I wrong or is Henry kind of a dick?


Pluggers 2/19/09

Wow, yesterday was a plethora of butt/poo related jokes. Must be something about Thursdays.


Arctic Circle 2/20/09

You may notice I cut this strip down to just two panels from it's original four. That's because it is WAY funnier this way. If you don't already know about pitching tents, do us all a favor and check it out on urban dictionary or something.


Judge Parker 2/19/09

The original

And my own little improvement on the strip. JP is somehow totally insulated from the terrible economic times every one else on earth is going through. Next week they're going to buy a yacht and a new full size house... for their dog.


The Amazing Spider-Man 2/20/09

"We need a real super hero, like The Tow-truck Guy!" Only New Yorkers think it's a hero's responsibility to save them from their own shitty driving. Next week Peter will walk right by some guy in a suit and he'll be all like "Some hero, couldn't even stop me from losing my life savings to that damn African prince."


Scott Meets the Family Circus 2/18/09

I don't usually repost other bloggers work, but SMFC only updates sporadically and is so disarmingly funny I can't help but share it.

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The Good, the Bad, And the Leftover Comics

My Cage 12/10/08

My cage has been difficult for me to categorize. It goes far beyond the regularly attributed label of "Dilbert with animals" and is defining itself upon it's own merit. I think this strip could actually be great one day.


Gasoline Alley 12/10/08

Aw shit. Damnit. Oh good God. We have all been sentenced several weeks of tear-jerking sadness and heart warming love, brought to us by GA. Frog baby fin-hands, you have ruined my day.


Arctic Circle 12/10/08

I'm going to exploit a comic strip as a soap-box here for a minute(wait, don't I do that every day?) to express how much I fucking hate these types of Christmas ads. I will never, NEVER in my life buy anything from Garmin GPS because of their slaughtering of innocent holiday songs. They are not the only offenders but for sure they are one of the worst. I encourage the boycott of any and all retailers who rewrite classic carols in order to sell their stupid products.

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