Society is Lame

You people are stuck with me for another Thursday/Friday block. Today, it's just business as usual, but tomorrow... is Otter Pun Day. It will be spectacular. Now then, on with your commentary:

Bo Nanas, 1/7/10

I'm guessing it's also pretty lousy on days it rains, since the rain would cause the suit to become a soggy lump of newsprint. The guy's a jerk, anyway. Bo Nanas doesn't care about your stupid newspaper suit, all he wants to do is whistle at the bus stop.

Cow and Boy, 1/7/10

Except when would you know how to stop? How soon before cat-copters are hovering over every city, every house, waiting to descend upon children who don't live up to your definition of good? Don't go down this dark path, Boy. It's not too late.

Herman, 1/7/10

There's no way those legs could be connected to anything, unless they're connected to that dentist's chair. In which case, he's either servicing a chair with legs, or there's some sort of hole in space right there. So it's likely that his problems are far greater than a little mirror.

Non Sequitur, 1/7/10

First and foremost, she was the one who made the reference in the first place. Second, what sort of society is this where people who get geeky references are punished for it? Not a society I want to live in, that's for sure. I just hope that this woman's prejudices don't extend too far.

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Geekiness abounds!

Hey there, cats and kittens. Are you ready for the Internet's hippest comic strip reviews? Then you should go find them, because I'm just doing what I usually do while I'm here.

Better Half, 8/13/09

I take issue with this strip because, while that man is the stature of a hobbit, he clearly does not have hairy feet or pointed ears. Also, the word hobbit is not capitalized when being used in that manner. However, I am wondering if one could go to that job and claim to be an orc or an elf while all decked-out in a costume. That would be quite an interesting place to work.

Annie, 8/13/09

Crom? The same Crom who is a part of the Conan the Barbarian mythos? Does this mean that Annie and Conan the Barbarian share the same universe and history? Could Annie be the reincarnation of Red Sonja? Is Daddy Warbucks working with Thulsa Doom? This just opens the door for so many hypothetical, yet now plausible, situations! Also, that dinosaur is obviously a carnivore. Look at those teeth. Those are for tearing the flesh off bodies, they are.

Gasoline Alley, 8/13/09

Speaking of Conan the Barbarian... I hope that Conan does exist in this universe and that he'll eventually come to Gasoline Alley and just stop this strip. I'm not sure, but I think it's the oldest strip around, and it really doesn't deserve to still be around. So get right on that, Conan. I don't care which Conan. Just get on it.

Betty, 8/13/09

Why are Americans so interested in doing stuff other cultures do when, in the not-too-distant past, we have fought wars to get away from those other countries and to stop them from doing things that they do? I realize that the United States is on good terms with Europe, but really, if George Washington could see us now he'd slowly shake his head and wonder where he and the other forefathers went wrong.

Bo Nanas, 8/13/09

Cleveland (where I live) supposedly has the best public transportation in North America. Considering how... not bad, really, but terribly uneven it is here I can only imagine what it's like in other places. That said, I would not take food or drink offered to me on a bus. I can only imagine it would be, like the service, terribly uneven. I wouldn't let them come near my face, either. Especially not with hot oil.

Flo and Friends, 8/13/09

This comic strip is either about assisted suicide, incest, or an old man's wish to be sexed to death. In any case, it's disturbing and rather depressing.

Natural Selection, 8/13/09

Attention comic strip person: Fish are not Pokemon. They do not evolve into bigger, different fish. Yes, some Pokemon are fish-like, but that does not mean anything. Also, please ignore that one "Legend of the River King" game for the Game Boy Color, in which fish COULD evolve into bigger fish. Foolish comic strip person. Unless, of course, the joke is that the grouper ate all the other fish, in which case all of what I just said just goes to show what a geek I am.

Non Sequitur, 8/13/09

I don't see what a lifeguard could really do against a giant cephalopod anyway. Beat it with that boogie-board thing, I guess?

Herb and Jamaal, 8/13/09

Stop lying to yourself, Jamaal. Seriously.

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Some Evening Humour

Tonight, I will bring to you some comic relief in the form of a time-honored tradition: A review using title variations. For example, if a comic strip is called "King's Cuffes" (yeah, I made that up) I will use some (or all) of the letters in the title to form a review such as "Effing sucks!" with various punctuation changes, but no letters used besides the ones in the title. Get it?
To tell you the truth, this isn't really a time-honored tradition, but my brother once reviewed some movies this way... and it's been a long day and I'm lazy. Good thing we have XY to do some real work around here.

All strips are from today, 6-05-09.
So... to begin.

Review of Bo Nanas using only the letters in "Bo Nanas."











A snob, an ass; a b-b-basin. Bo Nanas as "boss"... n/a.

Review of Brewster Rockit using only the letters in "Brewster Rockit."











Brewster work be worst wit! Two twits... tsk tsk.

Review of Dog Eat Doug using only the letters in "Dog Eat Doug."











Good god! Get a GED. Dodge da odd dog duet.

Review of The Duplex using only the letters in "The Duplex."











He leapt; the depth helped expel. Duped dude: hexed.

Review of The Elderberries using only the letters in "The Elderberries."











Let her stir her terrible shit, eh? ...I bet the elder'll relist her this bed-tide.
Okay, that last one was reaching a bit with "bed-tide" (I was going for "evening," but...)

Review of The Fusco Brothers using only the letters in "The Fusco Brothers."











Truth hurts. Trust the tutor.
...torso of our Fusco brother be of toro? Fusco brother's torso sort of stout. Huh.

Review of Eek using only the letters in... okay, even I'm not that good. Normal, boring review instead.











Actually, the optimist would hope to God that she's completely empty, otherwise the vampire might be still lurking around, hungry... perhaps he's lurking in that ominous shadow on the bottom-right? Also, the dude on the left has vampire-esque hair and a violet suit-jacket. He's definitely the culprit. The toothless guy on the right better watch out.
Or, maybe the chick in purple just lives in her basement (hence the paleness) and had an attack of narcolepsy, therefore quickly falling asleep before she could close her eyes.


Goodnight, y'all!

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You Have No Chance to Survive Make Your Time

Greetings readers, I have an important message for you: The DCR now belongs to ME!!! Soon your planet will kneel before my might and I shall be known as Emperor of Earth. Mwhahaha!!

But until that happens you can enjoy my humorous observations about comic strips every Tuesday and Wednesday in addition to the News post on Thursday and the Saturday week in review.

Herman 6/2/09

Unless he was born in two separate parts, he was born on the third. A single person can't be born on two days. You can start on one day and finish the next, but you aren't born until you actually come out.

Also, I hope that's a snake baby or something or else that women will never recover.



Alley Oop 6/2/09

If you read all that text then I salute you. I couldn't even make it through the first panel. I saw 'Previously in Alley Oop' and ZZZZZZZZZ . . . damnit, it happened again.



Shoe 6/2/09

Shoe is pending for a bending by making a joke about spending.

Wow, it's hard to rhyme hateful sarcasm.



The Fusco Brothers 6/2/09

Are comic strips allowed to make fun of their own jokes? Isn't that mine and all the other comic strips bloggers job? I didn't read Fusco Brothers yesterday, but if it thinks its own joke was bad then it must have really sucked because Fusco Brothers isn't very good.



The Duplex 6/2/09

I have never heard either of those two statements, but it seems that if nature abhors a vacuum then nature really hates itself since most of the universe is a vacuum.

And regardless of what nature does or does not abhor, I abhor dust mops. Damn things, always cleaning up dust.



Bo Nanas 6/2/09

I'd normally try blinds over the windows before resorting to vandalism, but I suppose that I'm not dumb enough to put my bedroom right next to the street light.

Also, your retinas cannot melt without your eyes melting. And that would involve very high temperatures which would probably kill you and could not be produced by a normal street light.

But maybe that wasn't a normal street light. Maybe that one burned with the power of a 1000 suns.


Peace out y'all. I'll be seeing you on the morrow.

xy

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Greetings, DCR readers!

So. Here I am, innocent li'l old me, sitting at my desk reading through what's new in Google Reader. Suddenly I come across an interesting post about the DCR that says they're taking time off! Next, I see that they're trying to avoid that by adding more writers, so I offered my blogging/reviewing expertise (of which I have very little, up til now) and Bryce said yes.

The process is as such: I read comics, and when I see one that's stupid, hilarious, scoff-at-able, doesn't make sense, or that I think I could have written better, I'll review it. Whilst reviewing, I'm going to attempt to utilize my wit and wisdom of the world to its full potential.

I hail from upstate NY, and I'm a sophomore in college with a CMA major and a minor in music.
You can view my complete profile here.

That being said, here's my first review.
I think you can just assume that all the comics reviewed are from today, 5-15-09.

The Middletons










Whenever I see someone who's hunched over in pain, having just thrown their back out, I make sure I mock & ridicule them as much as possible... don't you?


Red and Rover











Red: "Because when I'm working with a trained group of sharpshooters who are willing to kill people, they won't notice that I'm the only one who aims poorly every time, and they most certainly won't turn against me. And really, aiming away from the condemned man will be for my own satisfaction, because the other six guys won't miss anyway."

Rover: "Ah. I see. So, is this firing squad based in Sherwood Forest? I've never seen a firing squad that used bows and arrows before."

Red: "Uh..."


Overboard











Why don't the squirrels take a hint from birds, and learn to poo on their adversaries? Then they could eat ALL the acorns and still have tons of ammo. Duh.


Little Lost Dog











In today's lesson, we will be learning the properties of a turtle.
Property #1: Turtles often use a hard, solid matter called a shell as a bodily protective coating.
Property #2: Porcupine spines don't stick into hard turtle shells. Omg.
This is all assuming that's a turtle, of course, and not a loaf of bread with legs.

Lio











Damn, why does Lio get all the luck? I've always wanted to be sucked into a sewer and thrown a birthday party by illiterate cycloptic octopi!

Chuckle Bros












Okay, goats, kids, haha. What I'm wondering is why the family of goats has a lamp-table with legs made of goat horns in their own home? Wouldn't it be creepy if humans had coffee tables with actual severed human legs? The answer is yes. Yes, it would be creepy.

Cathy











Personally, I would be completely okay with my mother-in-law organizing my clothing for me. If she wanted to clean my house, I'd be overjoyed. However (glancing at the state of Cathy's desk & office) Cathy looks like she really enjoys unorganized clutter, so... I guess that's just her thing.

Brenda Star










...Salman surely won't mind. He's such a nice, understanding guy. Oh, and by the way, could you please smack me upside the head for using random bold words where they aren't freaking neccessary? Thanks.


Bo Nanas











Comic Strip: Bo Nanas
Number of panels: 4
Joke: "Why are you waiting for the bus when you're wearing a rocket pack, smart one?"
Number of panels needed for joke: 1
Task: Figure out how to lengthen the comic into all 4 panels.
[COMPLETED]


--
Hope you enjoyed my first review. I shall now return to my regularly scheduled doldrums...

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