Thursday Quickies

by Hal Bent

It's Thursday, which means it's time for the quickies...set the snark-o-meter to "zing!".

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:

The Great White Snark, that's gonna be my new DCR nickname for myself.  "Hi, I'm Hal. You may know me as the Great White Snark."  Aww, who am I kidding. They'd give the title to Fruhlinger, make him a shark costume, and hold a parade for him through downtown Baltimore.


Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson:

Wait, who the hell is Vic? "Vic, it's Arlo. Key party on Saturday. Be there and bring that sweet wife of yours.  Yeah, Janis is going too. What shape is her keychain?  Wait, what?"


Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen:

Gary Sanders is revered as a symbol of fertility and virility (and sponsored by Viagra) in his neighborhood.The balloons tied to garters are from the stay at home moms who live in the neighborhood and there is symbolism tied to the number of balloons tied to each garter.


The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy:

Look at dat ass.  I'd say this strip is shocking to the average 75 year old newspaper comics reader (letters to the editor are going to trickle in full of indignation), but certainly tame compared to the average Craigslist "Casual Encounters".



Gasoline Alley by Jim Scancarelli:

When you "pinch a loaf", Slim, it's not necessary to cook and serve it to yourself for dinner, no matter how many ham and cheese lunchables you had for dinner the night before. 

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Herding Cats

Arlo and Janis

Congratulations Arlo!  You've successfully herded a single cat straight to his food dish.

The Barn

Pork Bellies are down?  How can that be?  They're delicious!  I'm sure it's just a temporary blip in an otherwise upward trend.

Betty

And it's hard to feel ridiculous when you're doing what 9 out of 10 people on their lunch breaks do.  The man in the orange shirt isn't looking over at Betty because he is silently judging her; rather, he is jealous of her download speeds and wishes he was watching TV on his phone instead of being stuck a boring conversation with his hipster acquaintance.

The Flying McCoy's

He also gets to have his arms violently ripped from their sockets.

Frazz

I'm not sure why the teacher would be thanking Caulfield for being very rude in class.  Perhaps she is preemptively thanking him for setting up Frazz's witty punchline in panel three.

Herb and Jamaal

Apparently, Herb enjoys being a dick to complete strangers.  Run away Herb!  They may be lost, but I bet they can find their way back to that corner to kick your ass.

Rubes

This comic is funny because it depicts a doctor about to beat a poor apple vendor to death with a baseball bat.  Yes, the physician will be kept away—kept (locked) away for a long, long time.

Ziggy

"I'm the star of this comic strip! Got it?!  If anyone is going to be fat and lazy it's me!"

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Tighty Whities

Barney and Clyde

There is something disturbing about the little girl peering into the laundry basket and inquiring about her father's (probably skid-marked) tighty whities.  At least the maid has the good sense brush the discussion aside.

Bound and Gaged

So the witch is just going to toss aside her old broom without even trying to negotiate a good trade-in deal?  That's not so smart.

The Flying McCoys

Well, that's one way to toilet train a cat.

Love Is

Love is... making whoopee on a stack of textbooks.

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Supersize Man

The Born Loser

You don't see much human contact or affection in The Born Loser.  It's rather unsettling.

Bound and Gagged

It's funny because this man is a simpleton who never took high school biology.  Though I suppose that makes him a perfect test subject for Buzzy's horrific genetic experiments.

Cornered

Judging from the size of his waistline, it appears Superman has been supersizing it for quite some time.

The Flying McCoys

Wow.  That has to be the perfect example of "cruel and unusual" punishment.

Loose Parts

Not so much "insensitive" as "I hate you all, why don't you dunk your head in this electrified water and drop dead!"

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A Pub With No Beer

Adam@Home

Wow.  Adam makes absolutely no effort to filter the madness inside his head.  Careful, Adam, or they'll send you to a place where you have to wear gowns all the time.

Andy Capp

Is Andy aware that he can probably order hard liquor at this pub? It'll still get him drunk, and isn't that the point?  Or am I missing something?  Perhaps Andy is a beer aficionado and his repeated public intoxication is merely an unfortunate side affect.


The Argyle Sweater

Yes, Ryan Seacrest is a tiny, tiny man.  Also, everyone at the Academy is a sarcastic dick. Hilarious!

Candorville

Why does Lamont continue to hang out with Clyde when he so clearly dislikes him and never wastes an opportunity to put him down? And why does Clyde put up with it?  I'm waiting for the day when Clyde finally snaps and punches Lamont in his 'smart' mouth—it will be well deserved.

F Minus

I like how Mark isn't concerned at all—he's actually smiling a little.  "Looks like I'm possessed by the Prince of Darkness.  Cool."

The Flying McCoys

I don't usually nitpick, but I think the joke would have been funnier if she said the book on time travel would be due five hundred years ago.  Just sayin'.

Rubes

Ha! Since Nietzsche is unavailable, may I suggest arresting Kelly Clarkson?

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Terrible Wednesday

Terrible because there were hardly any good or noteworthy comics today.  Sigh.

Adam@Home

Cake? That looks more like a sad platter of scalloped potatoes.  It's a surprise that there is anything legible written on it at all.

Bliss

Um, because not liking hippies is funny?

The Flying McCoys

Apparently he stinks at limbo too.  Look how high the bar is!

Reality Check

See what I mean?  Butts with cell phones is the highlight of the day.

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It Doesn't Matter If You're Black and White

Animal Crackers

Well, everything in your world IS in black and white, Mr. Unidentifiable-Animal-Thing.  Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the coloring book "industry"—I'm sure the publishing companies that spit out those toddler scribble pages have varied enough projects that they'll survive the Color Apocalypse.  Now, the Crayon Industry on the other hand...

Ballard Street

I shudder to think of what horrid mound of white flesh is disturbing enough to freak out that poor dog.

Betty

Whoa!  Did Betty's friend just give her a not-so-subtle jab there at the end? "Surprise, surprise.  I'm intelligent and well-spoken, unlike some people *cough*you*cough*. 'Funny friend' my ass!"

The Flying McCoys

Yes, this was a Superman diarrhea joke.  Fun times.

The Grizzwells

I guess it should come as no surprise that the bear's laziness extends to his parenting as well.  "The little tyke has been so annoying lately, I think I'll just avoid him altogether.  Ah... I feel better. I must be doing a good job!"

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Bubble Gum Farts and People Food

Adam@Home

Laura is too amused by her own cleverness to pay attention to her parenting responsibilities.  But it works out in the end anyway:  Laura's absent-minded detachment from her kids is punishment enough for Clayton.

Boom Hilda

So it looks like Broom Hilda has finally been caught and is being tried for witchcraft.  Judging by the trigger happy (or should I say match-strike happy?) attitude of the jury, I'd say Broom Hilda isn't long for this world.

The Buckets

The mom here isn't overreacting to her son's "Kids Say the Darndest Things" moment, rather, she is slow-jamming her favorite song that just popped into her head.  Yeah, overmedicating yourself can have disturbing consequences.

Close to Home

Somebody out there please make this a real thing.  It would be HILARIOUS.

Eek!

Ug.  This gag has been done before.  Come on Eek!

Speaking of retread ideas...

F Minus

The Flying McCoys 

A near identical gag on the same day!  I swear, cartoonists all must subscribe to same newsletter.  The back page must be "10 Comic Strip Ideas In Case You Are Lame and Uncreative and Totally Can't Think of Anything Right Now."

Alright, that's all for now.  See you next week!

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Dirty M&M's

Agnes

So Agnes is a cruel, sadistic child that tortures and murders helpless ants? Sounds about right.

The Argyle Sweater

Ick. That Super Bowl commercial was disturbing enough. I don't want to know what the green M&M myth is. You all can look it up if you want, just don't tell me.

The Flying McCoys

This is a very odd scene. The artist apparently thought these gentlemen needed to be crazy (straight-jacket, padded room crazy at that) for the gag to work. I think it distracts if anything. Too many unanswered questions. (Why is a hard metal object allowed in an otherwise padded room? How did he draw a face on the trophy if his arms are bound?) The man bringing his new bride to his quiet suburban home in front of two gossiping neighbors probably would have been funnier.

Lola

Ack! Another example of M&M love! I used to like them too. Sigh.

Love Is

"Paralyzed from the waist down you say? Need special care and attention for the rest of your life? Okay, how about I just wheel you over to this corner and be on my way?"

The Grizzwells

So their job is to hang out in the woods and do nothing? I always thought it odd that the bear and porcupine talked frequently about their jobs, yet never seemed to go. Little did I know that they have been at work this whole time.

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