Wednesday is hump day. That means my vacation (and the kids school vacation) is half-over. Let's see what cartoonists had trouble getting over the hump, and who flew over the hump like a teenager in a Trans Am going 35 miles over the speed limit:
Zack Hill by John Deering:
Sunday comics are supposed to be the best of the week: the artist's time to shine. Whoops, so much for that. Here are three that caught my eye:
The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:
So apparently it's Thursday. I didn't realize this until I got on the computer an hour or so ago and it told me. Boy, is my face red. Anyway, here's your moderately late but still technically-on-time comic reviews.
Heathcliff, 3/4/10
If you don't want mice in your store, then why would you have a section dedicated to mousewear? Furthermore, why would you have an exterminator to kill your customers? That's a businesss model doomed to failure, if I ever saw one.
Cow and Boy, 3/4/10
I remember seeing "The Core" in theaters, and I'm glad that someone other than me remembers it. It was like a b-movie from the seventies with the production values of a bad movie from the nineties!
Ronaldinho Gaucho, 3/4/10
Note how the fact that the eggs would no doubt be spoiled by now is overlooked. Unless the girl wants a bunch of bad eggs for nefarious purposes, in which case... well, why?
One Big Happy, 3/4/10
I have no idea why that guy is there, but I'm sort of hoping he's just some random guy who sneaks into classrooms while the teacher is away to upset the children. He's met his match with Ruthie, however: she'll not sit silently while such injustices occur.
Girls and Sports, 3/4/10
I hate this comic. For one, why can't he bring any girls over? I can understand if it's because he feels weird about taking girls to his parents' house, but if it's some rule his parents set... why follow it? Two, he's not without a home. He has a home, and while it's not exactly the home he particularly wants at current, he still has a home. There's people out there who'd probably love it if they could just move in with their parents again. Three, trying to use what happened in New Orleans but ignoring the fact that there were thousands of people who really were homeless, and instead focusing on the supposed plight of a sports team who couldn't play in their stadium because, you know, they had offered it up to those same homeless people.
Guy's a stupid jerk, is what I'm saying.
Family Circus, 3/4/10
Finally, here's a comic from 1960. It's "Family Circus", so of course it's not really all that great, but compared to what we've been dealing with for the past few decades, it's not that bad. After all, "Mack the Knife" is a song about a murderous gangster. I doubt the current Dolly even knows what a knife is, let alone any songs about murderers.
Well, I will no longer be able to contribute to the Monday or Tuesday posts since I now have a job. I will still be here for Sunday so you won't be completely rid of me (I know, I feel your pain). Also, I will try to keep my own site updated as much as possible. But for now, onto the comics.
Heathcliff 2/21/10
Now I didn't pay attention to the opening ceremonies but I am pretty sure Wayne Gretzky lit the Olympic torch this year so I can only assume this is an alternate dimension where Heathcliff has murdered Gretzky just so he can get close enough to eat the doves.
Funky Winkerbean 2/21/10
Is anyone else really hoping that when Funky approaches Wally, Wally uses his Army training to jam Funky's nose cartilage into his brain?
Mary Worth 2/21/10
"Dawn could you please stop talking? Your incessant yammering has given me a huge headache."
Also, the second panel is classic. "Yes, now I shall "pity" the man who is of no relation to us and then I shall rule the world! Mua-ha-ha-ha!"
One Big Happy 2/21/10
I don't know who to bitch slap more. Ruthie or her mother. I'm thinking Ruthie but Mom could've worded her definition better.
Wee Pals 2/21/10
I hate Wee Pals but this one actually made me laugh.
Yeah, stay away from marijuana. You don't want to become all mellow and get the munchies.
Rhymes With Orange 2/21/10
Today's Rhymes With Orange is done by Mo Willems who has worked on such TV shows as "Sesame Street", "Codename: Kids Next Door" and created "Sheep In the Big City". Currently, Willems is better known for his kids books featuring Pigeon, Elephant & Piggy and Knuffle Bunny.
Unfortunately, because of Jenkins' idiocy, all five of them were shot and killed.
Between Friends 2/21/10
I've never seen an ATM not accept another bank's card. Does Sandra not know how an ATM works?
Also, don't ATMs keep your cards after a certain number of attempts (usually 3) or is that one of those urban legends?
Andy Capp 2/21/10
How does Andy keep his friends? This is the third time this year I've seen him take money from his friends for no reason except he needs money for booze.
You're stuck with my blatherings for two days again. You probably did something terrible yesterday, didn't you? Anyway, check out Carafe as well. It will be part of your penance.
Barkeater Lake, 02/18/10
The original Godzilla only came to New York once, in "Destroy All Monsters", which really needs a better United States DVD release. I'm guessing, though, that the movie they're talking about is the American "Godzilla" from 1998. Which would make more sense, really, since the Japanese Baby Godzilla only ate fruit or flowers, depending on which one it was, while the American Baby Godzilla ate people. Still, though, what sort of person would choose to reference the American Godzilla over the Japanese one?
One Big Happy, 02/18/10
I haven't used cursive for anything since eighth grade, save for my signature. And that's evolved into a barely legible squiggle. However, I've never sent out an e-mail saying "U R HOT. Let's hook up!" so I guess that's a win for cursive.
Dinosaur Comics, 02/18/10
I want to know about the rest of T-Rex's day, and what conspired to get him into a hot tub like that.
The Rack, 02/18/10
I really like the second panel here. Who knew selling hotcakes could be so lucrative?
Betty White, star of such classic TV shows as Mary Tyler Moore, Golden Girls and many, many other was honored at the Screen Actor Guild Awards with the Lifetime Achievement Award which commemorated not only her 88th birthday but also her 65th year of acting. I am a huge fan of Ms. White and wish her all the best. Here's to 65 more years! Wait, something's wrong with that sentence...
Garfield 1/24/10
Yes, Garfield. Murder Jon. There shall be no more snow this winter. Anywhere!!
One Big Happy 1/24/10
"Go get a cab!" Classic episode of I Love Lucy right there. Sadly, this episode will now forever be sullied because it was used in this strip.
Joe has massive delusions of grandeur.
Frog Applause 1/24/10
If there is a God and if God is a man then this would be God's glory hole.
Annie 1/24/10
I love the art in Annie but the lack of pupils (which I know is the art style of this strip) is a bit distracting. But you know if they started adding pupils to the characters people would be outraged.
Broom Hilda 1/24/10
*Sigh* Not a joke anywhere in this strip. I was the Maple Leaf Festival a few years ago (every third weekend in October in beautiful Baldwin City, Kansas) and this woman behind us said "a ladybug landed on me" and the guy next to her said "better get it off, they'll bite you". Ladybugs? Bite? Whatever crazy old man.
FoxTrot 1/24/10
If I were Paige or if Morton were gay, I would not be able to answer this question because I suck at math. I mean, I really suck at math.
Ginger Meggs 1/24/10
Because typically caffeine doesn't occupy possibly valuable time that you could be using for more important things than trying to defeat New Super Mario Bros. Wii with Blue Toad.
Family Circus 1/24/10
Or it can also be apparent that:
1)you're a whore and will sleep with anything;
2)you are a 40-year-old man-child;
and 3)you don't bathe.
All I want to do is post a bunch of comics at the DCR but for some reason the people at Comics.com feel that people don't read the comics until the late afternoon, early evening. When I first signed up at Comics.com, the strips were sent out between 2 and 3 in the morning, then it got later until I was receiving the email between 9 and 10 in the morning. Now I don't get the email until between 2 and 5. But enough ranting about technology, onto the comics.
Wee Pals and One Big Happy 1/12/10
Both these comics feature a guest appearance by popular sound effect "chomp" today. Neither of which is helped by this.
Also, does the joke in Wee Pals become less racist because it's a kid saying it or because the cartoonist is African-American?
Mary Worth 1/12/10
Yes, all kids without fathers turn out to be horrible, horrible people. I mean, look at me. I am a decent husband and father who spends his free time blogging about comic strips. Who knows where I could be with a father figure in my life.
Why does Kurt seem to be getting more hopped up and scruffier as the week progresses?
Beetle Bailey 1/12/10
Where did Lt. Fuzz get those General clothes? More importantly, where did he get the stars, bars and medals?
Red and Rover 1/12/10
So are we to believe that isn't a Twinkie he's going to eat but get your generic cream-filled sponge cake?
Family Circus 1/12/10
"If you two don't calm down I will park this car by a lake, get out, release the parking brake and watch the car roll backwards into the water!"
Comics.com finally sent the email so here are some strips from Comics.com.
Flight Deck 1/12/10
And it took you this long to figure it out? You couldn't just press your ear to the door and listen for Ray Romano's nasally voice?
Arlo & Janis 1/12/10
Arlo compliments his wife in weird ways. Why can't he just say "I love you" like normal guys? If you have to think about where the compliment might be, it's not really a compliment.
Herman 1/12/10
Who paints their floor? It should've been "mopped" or "waxed".
Pickles 1/12/10
I love when stuff spontaneously combusts.
Frazz 1/12/10
Frazz is supposedly to be a pretty smart comic strip but I've noticed several strips where Jeff Mallett has opted to change something for the sake of a joke. Today it's "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". Goldilocks wasn't upset about having to eat porridge, she was upset because the first two she tried were too hot and too cold. She did eat Baby Bear's porridge because it was "just right". Goldilocks shouldn't be upset at anything. She committed a B&E and trespassed and the Bears didn't press charges.
Saturday. What does it mean to you? Traditionally, Saturday is a day of rest, especially if you are of the Jewish persuasion. For me Saturday has become a day of work. Working on the internet, working on school work, just plain going to work. I hope that you'll enjoy the fruits of my work on this Saturday as you rest and relax.
The length and quality of these reviews in in reply to a challenge from reader and creator of former Webcomic of the Week, The Underfold, Brian Russell. When I tweeted that today's post was going to be awesome, he outright challenged me and I accepted. So let this be a lesson, if you want personal recognition and a better than average Saturday post, challenge me. Use comments or twitter or email, it doesn't matter. I will do my best to meet your challenge. Onto the comics!
Those of you that do not like to read at length may want to skip today as it takes many words to be this awesome.
One Big Happy 4/20/09
Wait, you're telling me that kids still skip at recess?! I thought that they just milled around in the shade because everyone is too fat to run. That's what the news has been telling me. Are you suggesting the news is being over-dramatic? I find such a thing laughable. Hahahahaha. See? I just laughed at it.
Also, gambling should be encouraged at school. It teaches valuable skills about money management and breaking kneecaps. I've always found my knowledge of breaking kneecaps very useful in my life, haven't you?
The Argyle Sweater 4/20/09
So the weird, fat kid shit on his desk? I wanted to say that he shit his pants, but then I realized that he isn't wearing any pants. Must be Ziggy's kid.
Wait, that would mean that Ziggy has genitalia. And that someone had sex with Ziggy. *Shudder*. And now that imagine will never leave my mind. But since we're all scarred now anyway, let's examine this predicament.
Ziggy is a horrible, unfunny mutant that never wears pants and, even though he has no coverings, has no discernible genitalia. How would one such as Ziggy find a mate? What kind of sick person would willingly have intercourse with Ziggy? He's so tiny and weak that I think we can safely rule out rape as a factor. The only logical conclusion I have is that Ziggy, at some point, donated to a sperm bank or froze some eggs. It is nearly impossible to determine Ziggy's gender, but the result is the same either way. An infertile couple must have gone to the sperm/egg bank and unknowingly gotten Ziggy's sperm/eggs and had a child that is comprised of half Ziggy DNA. The other half appears to be a tire or marshmallow, which is greatly confusing.
And thus, we have the reason why this child does not wear pants.
If you skipped ahead, I advise you to go back and read that, for it is truly great. No really, it is.
Moe 4/23/09
The comic has a great joke and I will not attempt to deconstruct it, that is how great my respect for great comedy is.
However, there are some other things that concern me.
1) Since when has 'PIP' been a sound effect? What real-world sound does 'PIP' correlate to? I've never heard anything make a sound resembling 'PIP'.
2)Why is, what appears to be, a man shaving his axillary area (that's the armpit to those of you without medical backgrounds)? And why is he completely naked while doing so? Is he shaving his pubic area next? Why is the other guy not concerned about these things? Are they a gay couple? Will I ever stop asking questions?
No.
3)Why is there blood spurting forth from what would seem to be a very small wound? Is that guy's carotid artery in his forehead?
Except for those things, this is a very good comic.
Frog Applause 4/24/09
If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this author is writing about me in my own words. Not that I've ever said that, but I sure have thought it. I mean . . . I get tons of action, so I would never think anything like what the loser in this comic is thinking. Yeah, that's what I meant. Look, I've done tons of broads . . . internationally. It's really best if you just ignore what I said earlier and go about your business. But I do get all kinds of action. All kinds. Stop doubting me.
All right, fine. You caught me. I get no action. Are you happy now? Cause I feel like crap, you bunch of bastards. I hope you feel proud of yourselves for breaking the spirit of a once proud blogger.
I must go now and sulk in the darkness.
Once again, Webcomic of the Week is scheduled to return next week. However, scheduling conflicts may arise so there are no guarantees.
If you are really trying to discourage people from having children, just send them a couple hundred comics about family situations and viola! Everybody is using birth control!
Reality Check 3/18/09
Is it wrong of me to admit that one of the biggest things I look forward to doing as a parent is being able to regularly use this phrase? There's no rush to have any little wreckers just yet, but one day they'll be the light of my... broken lamp.
One Big Happy 3/18/09
One thing to dread having to do as a parent - homework help. As soon as I finish with this post I am going to find out where this Nachos Creek is located and probably move there. A CREEK OF NACHOS? THERE IS A GOD!
Mother Goose and Grimm 3/18/09
Is there something wrong with one dog downloading pictures of another dog on to their computer? I mean, besides that a dog using a computer is impossible. Is she mad because her hard drive is full? Are these dirty pictures of Lassie? Why the green swirly carpet?
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