Horrors Unbeholden

Meekrat here, taking a break from making comics for the DCR because I need to figure out a way to do it that meshes well with a thrice-weekly comic. Still reviewing them, though, so here it is:

Prickly City, 05/10/2012:

From the first time I read this strip on the Houston Chronicle's site, I have hated it. Not as much as certain other comic strips (I'm looking at you, Edison Lee) but it's still a pretty terrible example of how to do a political comic strip. It's heavy-handed with unlikable characters, and while it's been trying, bless its heart, it's not nearly enough. For example, this week we've been looking into Winslow the Coyote's history that no one asked or cared about and is proving to be him inserting himself into various media properties awkwardly. Today, it's a poor mesh of "The Godfather" and "Bonnie and Clyde". About the only redeeming thing is that Carmen readily acknowledges that no one cares. It's entirely possible that if this strip was more self-aware then it would be better overall. Perhaps in a year I won't hate it so much. We shall see, I suppose.

Crankshaft, 05/10/2012:

Meanwhile, we have this Crankshaft which has always been one of those comics which exist but are only really on my radar because of where it takes place and how relentlessly grim they are. Today, for example, we're forced to contemplate an elderly woman in lingerie and, unless I'm misreading the second panel, the fact that Crankshaft likes to wear lingerie as well. Yes, you could argue that he simply admires it on its intended audience, but this is Crankshaft we're talking about. Anything he can do to undermine happiness will be done.

Break of Day/Bizarro: 05/10/2012

Finally, we have two comic strips that feature Frankenstein's Monster holding drinks. This sort of synergy is always interesting to behold. Retired Frankenstein looks very melancholic, though.

That's it. I might be back with a comic-like thing next week, but if you really want to see new comics from me, just go to my Emporium of Nonsensery.

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Monday Free for All......

Matt back after a week in New Orleans where I can barely remember some of what happened (but am sure that my bank and credit card company will be very happy to remind me). Anyways, on with the Monday comics:

Six Chix

Wait, so the waitress is also the dishwasher at this place? And why is the woman at the table just staring at the cover of a book and reading it out loud? And why does the waitress equate success with winning a non-existent Nobel prize? And why am I over-analyzing this comic? Next....

Mary Worth

Wait, what kind of M.C.Escher house does Mary Worth live in. In panel 1, her chair has a back and it is up against a bookshelf. In panel 2, she places her book on the table to her left but all of a sudden the back of her chair is gone and the room opens up to have a couch and the bookshelf disappears. Can't wait to see who her visitors are. Maybe it's the "hippie thieves" from two story lines ago returning her purse.

Crankshaft

Nobody does smugness like Batiuk.

Rhymes with Orange

A little overly complicated and long but I like this one. Anyone who has put together anything from IKEA will instantly get it.

That's all for today. Have a great week!

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My Charlie Brown Vase!

When DC announced their relaunch a few months ago, people quickly noted that the Justice Society of America were nowhere to be seen and that the JSA are not even a part of the new universe. Well, DC just announced that the JSA will be returning. Here's the story from iFanboy.

The JSA is my favorite superhero team so I welcome their return. Heroes from that era were so original and unique. Green Lantern, Hourman and Mister Terrific were my favorite.

All right, let's get on with today's comics.

Crankshaft

Can't anything ever go right in the Funkyverse? I swear to god there is more pain and hurt--both emotional and physical--in this universe than any other universe in existence. And that includes Universe-471L "The Bully Universe".

by Chuck Asay and Zits

In a roundabout way, possibly. Give poor people more money and they will spend more which helps boost the economy which creates a demand for products leading companies to possibly to begin hiring again....

What the hell, Jeremy! Not yet having the privilage of having a teenager in the house I have to wonder do they really just destroy things? I certainly hope not because I don't have the tools (re: chains) to deal with them.

Hi & Lois

You better do as Thurston says Hi or else you will wind up at the bottom of that water hazard behind you.

The New Adventures of Queen Victoria

Dear Pab Sungenis, In order for a citation to be valid on Wikipedia, the source must be a third-party source so something like a newspaper article about you that says you are from Vineland. You cannot be your own citation. In fact, I noticed that someone added this comic strip to the Vineland article as the citation which doesn't actually verify that you are from Vineland. Also, I am questioning the validity of you actually being included in the "Notable People" section especially since you yourself do not have an article. Sincerely, Brian - Wikipedia Editor since 2006.

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The Madness is Over

March is over, and with it goes March Meekrat Madness, for once. Which means I'm less busy and now able to review things on here again, which I'm sure you're just thrilled about. Anyway, go check out the Meekrat Entertainment Group because last month showed me how angry I am with the lack of interest in my work. Here's comics:

Crankshaft

I thought Crankshaft lived in a room above the garage, like Fonzie? Also, are these two lesbians? I've been wondering that since this whole little storyline started.

Cul de Sac

I like how peg-like that kid is. Also, I'm thinking these two would just love an Asian market. Not only do they have fish with eyes, but chickens and squids with eyes as well! It would overwhelm them.

Frog Applause

I usually hate this strip, but this one made me chuckle.

La Cucaracha

I put this here because I was going to go on a long ramble about Godzilla movies but I figured that no one really came here to read me show off useless knowledge. So yeah, actually uploading this and all that proved to be useless. I do like how they call them films, though.

The Phantom

Way back when, this storyline started and I was still covering this, Mandrake the Magician, and Spider-Man on my own blog. I knew then that by the time this resolution came about, I'd be just so sick of doing daily comic commentary. Still, I'm glad I'm here so I can at least comment on the Phantom finally going after the stupid Python. He's a jerk.

Well, that's it for today. Remember to visit the sites of all of our contributors, and we have Twitters and Facebooks and all that good stuff you can follow and like and all that rigmarole.

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Looking On The Bright Side

Because of the overwhelming Monday-ness of this week's Tuesday, I almost forgot to post! Sorry about the brevity and all.

Crankshaft 2/22/2011

Where do I start with this plotline? It's tough to get any lower than an elderly women lying outside in the extreme cold spouting one-liners, but Batiuk never disappoints. Apparently someone cared enough to call an ambulance — but not enough to go outside and check on the poor women, let alone throw a blanket on her or something.

Ha! It's funny because Batiuk is so callous!

Funky Winkerbean 2/22/2011

Did they just notice each other?

Plugger 2/22/2011

I find this drawing here a little disturbing. Aren't some or most of the characters in Pluggers talking animals, including dogs? Why does one get clothes and not the other?

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Guerrilla friend making

In case you've forgotten, I'm Arkholt.  Saturday is, of course, my day to do the comic blurbs.  It's also the day that I laze around and wait until after dinner to do them.  I read the comics and picked them out this morning, though...

Over the Hedge:

Amazing.  Hammy has amazing universe ripping powers.  I'd imagine it would be easy for him to travel into the future anyway.  He runs pretty fast, so all he'd have to do is run fast enough, and then turn left at the right time (anyone familiar with The Flash comics knows that's how it works).  He's not too smart, though.  He obviously doesn't know that pigs yodel now.  You just have to find the right ones, at the right farms.

Crankshaft:

Everyone knows that to make friends on the Internet, you don't just wait for them.  You have to go make them, whether they want it or not.  You have to use guerrilla tactics to make friends on the Internet.  Those who fall for it will become your friends.  Those who don't will never speak to you, though they're probably the ones you'd rather have as friends.

Rhymes with Orange:

 
This is one of the reasons I don't drink.  Of course, if the caption had said "six beers," the guy probably wouldn't have his tie and shirt on in the last panel.  He would probably still have his pants.  Then again, I don't really know what I'm talking about, since I don't drink.  Drinkers out there can tell me if this is accurate or not.

Working Daze:

 

I wouldn't call this type of person a "geek." I would call them obsessive, addicted, and in need of some type of therapy and possibly medication.  This seems like a debilitating disorder, and one that would probably disallow this type of person from ever entering a computer store.

Also, why doesn't he just have an iPhone?  When an email comes in, there's a friendly "ding," and you don't even have to check.  Problem solved.  Any other smart phone would probably work just as well.

 

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Oops.

So, I sort of totally forgot about last week, what with all the fiction I've been posting on my own site and the little bird that's been following me around telling me I will never again know happiness. What you gonna do, though? I'll tell you what: you're gonna read some commentary.

Brevity

Putting a random reference to a superhero in your comic strip is a sure-fire way to get me to at least notice it, but putting Stretch Armstrong in there, too? Well, I have to spread the word about that, I do. Poor army guy, though.

My Cage

It's a shame about My Cage, it really is. Hopefully its creators will be able to land on their feet, or perhaps enter the world of webcomics? As for today's comic, I'd be much more concerned about the fact that Jeff is somehow able to exist outside of water for long periods of time. Is he like Silver Age Aquaman?

Crankshaft

Crankshaft has obviously gone insane, and I might have, too, considering I've never heard this line of "Pop Goes the Weasel" anywhere ever.

Beetle Bailey

It's always fun to see comic strips posting their older strips, because a lot of the time, they're worlds better than what they're running now. I realize that ol' Mort probably got bored and lazy with the strip years ago, and so he'll never do another gag where people actually have to move around, but I think Beetle Bailey could do with a lot more physical humor that's more than Sarge beating the living daylights out of Beetle for unseen infractions. Things more like this strip, where the violence is the punchline.

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Better Late Than......

You all should check out my nearly worthless site which features Thursday Comics--a random selection of comic related stuff with history and possibly commentary. Let me know what you think, I have obscure comic strip characters, terrible comic books and the history of Felix Comics.

Now, I love just about everything superheroes. Superheroes are awesome. Superheroes are usually put on some of the most coolest things I have ever seen and the Joker is one of the best villains ever created. Creative, memorable and utterly psychotic but neither of those words describe what the hell this is:

Well, maybe psychotic does.

Zits 8/1/10

RANT I hate when I am behind someone at Taco Bell or McDonald's and they don't know what they want. It's Taco Bell. It's McDonald's. Their menu constantly remains the same. McDonald's has burgers, Taco Bell has faux-Mexican food. Movie theaters have basically the same thing: assortment of the same candies, popcorn and an Icee-type treat. QUIT HOLDING UP THE LINE!!!!! RANT OVER

My Cage 8/1/10

I remember reading somewhere that we were going to learn what happened to the humans in the comic strip My Cage and I guess this is it. Based on what I looked up based on the horn and hoof flag, a group of farm animals ran off a Mr. Jones and took over his farm and the pig started a revolution not unlike the Soviet Union.

Curtis 8/1/10

"No, son. You cannot ride your skateboard to pick up our pizza."

How hard would that have been. Have it delivered or go it yourself. Also, only one pizza for four people? That doesn't seem like much.

Crankshaft 8/1/10

Ha! Even God isn't safe from the wrath of Crankshaft.

Born Loser 8/1/10

In Wilberforce's defense, he more than likely did not pee on his hands.

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Women are Irrational

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Let's get this party started with some terrible jokes!

Red and Rover (05.18.10)

Wait a danged minute... With telepathy, this kid could potentially fend off hostile martians with a stick dagger!

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think of this comic. Is it sweet that the kid thinks his dog is worth protecting? Is it freakish that the kid can hear what his dog is thinking? Is it awkward that this dog has such a depressing and reproachful view of the world?

I think the answer to all of the above is, "Yeah, pretty much."

Todd the Dinosaur! (05.18.10)

Okay... That guy just totally broke all of his teeth in the 2nd panel and yet is concerned not by that fact or the fact that he will need severe dental surgery to replace his entire collection of molars and incisors that he's been growing for years, but that it might have bugs in it?

If that's the case... I refer you to an age old proverb: God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt.

Stupid comic. Still can't get over how retarded Todd looks, by the way. Am I the only one that thinks this strip should be called, Todd the Tardosaur? Come on. It changes the entire scope of the comic, makes it more edgy and potentially more funny.

Arctic Circle (05.18.10)

Scotch Tape joke? It's called Scotch tape for the same reason that tissues are referred to as Kleenex... It's a brand name. Unfunny.

Okay... let's write better dialogue for this comic. Ready?

First panel

Penguin: Wow, that's a big one there, fella. How's about me and you go starve ourselves in the Arctic for a few months?

Last panel

Other penguin: Don't look at me. Everyone knows how they are when they drink.

You guys do your own versions in the comments section.

The Better Half (05.18.10)

Yesterday I criticized a better cartoonist for tackling a younger, old joke... this comic deserves much worse.

But... instead, let's just pretend like the blurb at the end doesn't exist, but instead is replaced with the following.

"If you suggest putting that carrot in my butt during intercourse one more time... I'm going to cut you with this knife."

Yeah, that's better.

Crankshaft (05.18.10)

There is a hidden fourth panel that got deleted in the theatrical release of this comic that was the dude slapping the crap out of her. I'm not saying I agree with either party for how the comic turned out in the end, but that is a ridiculous proclamation due to ONE friggin' ant.

The end.

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You Can't Unread It

Once you've read today's DCR, you can't unread it. Also, go read Carafe and Time-Mind Sync-Warp. This I suggest VERY STRONGLY.

That's Life, 2/10/10

What does that pelican need protection from, and why does he have a clipboard petition to help him obtain it?

Pros and Cons, 2/10/10

I just put this up here because I'm amazed that the colorists actually colored the background lilac. Or, at least, a shade of purple that I'm pretty sure is lilac.

Meaning of Lila, 2/10/10

Hold on a second. Pier W? I've been there. Which means that this comic strip takes place in Cleveland. My goodness, the things one learns unexpectedly.

Deep Cover, 2/10/10

Pshaw. Everyone knows that death rays don't work on Godzilla. The only two things that have reliably killed Godzilla are the oxygen destroyer and a nuclear chain reaction occuring within his body. Also, how the heck are those elephant-men and Barack Obama still alive? Then again, the last panel is rather fiery. Perhaps they all perished in the blast are now in Hell.

Crankshaft, 2/10/10

I was wondering a few weeks ago why Crankshaft never ran over Keesterman's mailbox anymore (I really was, it's very sad) and now I know the answer: it's because Crankshaft is afraid of getting shot. A good reason, I guess. This also means that Crankshaft's ritual destruction of the mailbox was probably intentional, which is really not surprising at all.

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A brain the size of a planet

Light load today, folks. It's been slim pickings for a little while now, but that just means that when the comics come back we'll have an embarrassment of riches. With that, here's the stuff.

Broom Hilda, 10/29/09

I agree that all traces of Broom Hilda should be erased from the planet, but I do have to wonder how she's breathing and talking in space. Shouldn't she be suffering from asphyxiation or something?

Crankshaft, 10/29/09

I'm going to have to agree with Crankshaft on this one: using anything but candles to light a Jack O'Lantern is just plain wrong. Just look at the man's face in the second panel: what little heart he has left is being broken by his stupid daughter's use of that... abomination to light the pumpkin. I hope he shoves it down her throat.

Retail, 10/29/09

I'm just posting this for the third panel, which features Marvin the Paranoid Android from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". This is something which brings me joy.

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My goodness, crossovers are afoot

Didn't there used to be a "Worst Comic of the Month" thing on this blog? I remember such a thing existing. Who was in charge of that, because that was sort of a neat little thing. Anyway, here's your reviews or whatever.

Baldo, 10/22/09

So Baldo is doing a cross-over with Yenny this week, which is an idea that I approve of. I think it's creepy that Baldo's father is hitting on her, though. You're like, twice as old as she is.

Yenny, 10/22/09

Yenny, meanwhile, is doing a cross-over with the Flintstones. I also approve of this.

Crankshaft, 10/22/09

I doubt this child is the first to call out Crankshaft on his insane curmudgeonly ways, and I also doubt that's he's the first to acquiesce to Crankshaft's whims. I have to wonder how good that is for Crankshaft's back, though.

Broom Hilda, 10/22/09

If you want some relief from the sun, don't go to the freaking beach.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/22/09

Come on, Chip and Dale were in the Rescue Rangers where they solved more crimes and stuff than any of you committee members. Leave them alone! Or perhaps they should be under the most scrutiny, because even heroes can fall? I'll leave that up to you to decide.

Garfield, 10/22/09

Expecting a cat to take care of you while you're sick is an insane man's expectation. Also, Garfield should welcome being sick: all he does is sit around and sleep anyway, being sick would just give him an excuse. Also, if he's the right kind of sick, Jon will bring him soup and stuff.

Pluggers, 10/22/09

This would have to run on the day I'm going to look at a used car, wouldn't it? Stupid Pluggers.

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