The Daily Comics Review: Manic Monday

by Hal Bent

I came up with this great idea to kind of put together theme days, so today is Manic Monday. I guess it's manic since I go back to work after the weekend and rush around manic to get the column posted.  Or it's manic due to the content.  Or, based on today's comics, it's manic depressive.  

Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

Yeah, having your creepy nudist neighbors drinking tea and "watching" your house through binoculars is normal.  Who is to say anyone asked these Love Is weirdos to watch their house?  Who is to say the neighbors are away?  "Love is...a spot of tea and neighbors fornicating with the blinds open" is my guess.

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:

That one is a filthy four fucker! I don't blame old #2 for being pissed.  Now, here's my confusion: the technician is not a number. It's a human being.  Animate numbers and humans on the same sphere.  How do #1 and #2 survive in this brave new world without appendages? Are they genetically modified pets? They have faces and certainly understand the language. They can reproduce and live among human kind. That said, how'd you like to be #2?  Bad enough to be a pet of the human overlords, but to be named after a code for going human excrement? Bad day gets worse, that's all I'm saying here.

Compu-toon by Charles Boyce:

I'm going to be nice and say this has to be a reprint from 1987 and that's why it's talking about using a fax machine as an office tool for gossip instead of someone on a computer open to an email program or lapstop, or texting from an iphone or smartphone.  I mean, I worked in an office in the mid 90's and no one gossiped on a fax machine.  Phone, email, text: take your pick. 

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Blizzard of Comics

Whoo-hoo.  A rare day off as work is cancelled due to the impending blizzard here in the Northeast.  Time to peruse the comics and set my snark level to HIGH.  Hard to type with my fingers-crossed hoping this storm turns to rain and blows out to sea, but let's give it a shot: 

Bliss by Harry Bliss:

See, I say latched on.  I latched onto my wife and didn't let her shake me, no matter how hard she tried. Accept it and embrace, baldy. Attractive wives with less attractive guys is only supposed to happen in sitcoms, not real life. So if you're lucky enough to latch-on, don't ruin it by rolling your eyes and making that "disappointed" face.  Put your arm around her shoulder, say "Damn right I latched onto this sweet piece of ass, right here!) and let the glowering chick in the red sweater with the glass of wine have to make the uncomfortable "is he serious or joking? Do I chuckle? Are they fighting? Is he sarcastic?" face and then give a half-hearted chuckle/snort and walk away in embarrassment.   (Not that I've ever done this at a Christmas party at my wife's work or anything. Why do you ask?)

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Momma by Mell Lazarus:

This old bag (I never knew her name was Sonya--she doesn't look like a Sonya.  More of a Louise or Betty) is always complaining her grown children don't come to visit her. So she finally gets them all there for dinner (and no sign of her hated daughter-in-law) and what happens? Sonya/Momma is bitching and moaning about them sponging off her for dinner.  What else does she have to offer them? Scintillating conversation? 80 inch television? Pleasant demeanor? 

Food is what brings a family together. I hate to think of parents/in-laws complaining about family coming and visiting them.  So does that mean she really doesn't really want her miserable kids around?  Or, maybe she's just really a mean-spirited old biddy.

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Compu-toon by Charles Boyce:

Grammar police! Wheeeee-oooh-wheeeee-oooh! (Gotta validate that Liberal Arts degree my wife worked so hard to pay off).  Were these castaways wondering or wandering? If wandering, where the heck did they wander towards.  What is that on the left side of the panel under the sun? It looks like shrubbery. Are these idiots a 50 foot wade through waist-high water from the main land? What rescue options did they try? Are they IT Professionals? Is that the "Main menu" joke?  Maybe "joke" should be in quotes, as I'm missing the attempted humor here.

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Working It Out by Charlos Gary:

Remember when Starbucks started expanding across the country and the populace was enchanted and/or confused by terms like latte, venti, cappuccino, and grande?  Of course you don't, unless you're over 35 years old and remember 25 to 30 years ago when Starbucks exploded across the nation. Walk Like an Egyptian was the hit single and the Bangles were blowing up MTV.  More important than this outdated attempt at humor, I saw Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs on VH1 on one of those idiot shows that are great to put on the TV in the background when doing something else and I cannot believe that she is 53.  Not only that, but she married the geek who directed the Austin Powers movies, Jay Roach?  Did I mention not only is she 53, but Hoffs is still smoking hot. 


Fort Knox by Paul Jon:

This General is in the mood for some general cuddle-time around the fire with Army boy here. I don't see any graham crackers in hand, so which guy is the chocolate and which is the marshmallow? Didn't take long for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to end for the General to start making propositions. Look at the facial expression on Army boy in the last panel...he is FREAKING OUT AT THE PROSPECT OF "MAKING S'MORES" WITH HIS COMMANDING OFFICER.    


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

These freaky, naked Dutch folk (who were big in the late '70s/early '80s, as I recall) are actually wearing clothes! Praise the Lord, this Love is actually has the giant-head character wearing clothes. That's worth celebrating.


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Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers:

Humpty Dumpty was that kid in high school with the Pink Floyd t-shirt who was stoned all day? Don't seem to recall those kids having a bow-tie, bowler derby, and spats.  

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Ventriloquists are Weird

Peter here again, bringing you comics review for Wednesday!

Compu-toon

Is there something I'm not getting here? Or is this just a slice of wild absurdism?

Eek!

Yeah, when your dummy starts talking back to you, probably time to lay off the Red Bull. Also, I'm a bit confused as to why this guy is manically drinking energy drinks alone in his room. Is he prepping for a show the next day? Ventriloquists are an odd sort I guess.

Speaking of ventriloquists...

Brevity

I like the dummy's thought bubble. Though, overall this comic isn't very original. You see the creepy ventriloquist in bad date montages in movies all the time.

Heathcliff

It's a tradeoff... a diet will make a lap less soft, but it should provide more lap space.

Home and Away

That's right, emotional-abusive affairs can be more hurtful than physical ones.

Candorville

No need to call, Lemont—it's just a simple online form you can fill out. Better get on it though, as it'll be a few weeks before you start getting the checks. I don't know if your kid can wait that long.

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Typographical Errors

Well, it's that time again when I take a break from my duties at the Meekrat Entertainment Group and blather on about comic strips. Let's get to it, shall we?

Compu-Toon

The first thing that struck me about this panel was that the joke is sort of clever. Of course a wireless network would work at a wire company, though that's not why this is posted here. For one, the caption seems clumsily written. If they just replaced the "if" with the "that", it would read better, though it may not be grammatically correct. Second, all the words in the panel are skewed. The type at the bottom should be slanted to match the sign, and the lettering on the door is a bit better, though not perfect. Also, "We sale all types of wires"? I'm going out on a limb and guessing this is another "Yenny" type incident, where the strip's grammatical and typographical mistakes stems from the strip being produced in a non-English language. If not, there's really no reason for a syndicated strip to be so lazy.

Gasoline Alley

On a semi-related note, this joke only makes sense if Slim hasn't been reliably portrayed as a well-meaning but slightly dim character every other time I've seen him in this strip. There's no way on Earth he'd be confused about the double meaning of fine.

Spider-Man

Meanwhile, it looks like the marriage I've been pushing for is going to be dashed by a rampaging monster, hopefully Fin Fang Foom but likely not him. Chances are, the Mole Man will either vanish, leading Aunt May to return to the surface a heart-broken mess, or Aunt May will realize the constant danger she might be in living underground and call off the wedding. In either case, I won't be happy.

Crock and Piranha Club


I leave you with two strips about rump roast. Bizarre? Yes.

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Boots, Nuns, and Time Travel

Compu-toon:

The placement of that boot is interesting.  I definitely wouldn't sit in that chair to type at it.  I'm not sure what it's meant to kick.  If it's kicking what I think it's kicking, I don't think I'd restart until several hours later.

It also reminds me of Soviet Russia, but there's no need for me to mention that.

2 Cows and a Chicken:

I found this one to be quite strange, especially since I hadn't been reading it for the past few days.  It appears there's something that I ought to know that's going on, but I don't have any idea what it is.  There are two cows in nun outfits sneaking up on a donkey with something on a long stick.  It's very obvious that I've come in at the middle of something.

I am, however, not the type to care enough to actually look back at previous strips to find out what's already happened.  I prefer the mystery.  Also, I'm lazy.

Speed Bump:

*checks date*

Wow, this strip has travelled into the future from the past!  How amazing.  Now I want a comic strip from 2057 to travel backwards in time.  That is, if they still exist then...

Love is:

Finally, they're wearing clothes.  How long can this last?  Not more than a day, I think.  *sigh*

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We can't all be old, bald, masochistic dwarf planets.

I would be un-American if I didn't at least mention the fact that today's September 11th.  For those who find this to be saddening to them, here's some comic blurbs that may in fact cheer you up.


Compu-Toon:

Perhaps he wasn't meant to be draw that way, but the little kid looks like an old bald man.  Either that, or he's a mean child with leukemia.  If the latter is true, he's probably bitter and feels he deserves to be mean, but of course he at least has a quota of niceness for each day.  As long as his quota is not weekly or monthly, that seems reasonable.  Imagine what would happen if his quota was met early in the month.

By saying any of that, I am perhaps showing my ignorance of recurring characters in Compu-Toon, if there are any at all.  If so, feel free to correct me and call me ignorant.  I can take it.

Ballard Street:

Masochism is seldom seen on the comics page, although it is a well known fact that comic strip readers are often masochists, as evidenced by the large number of people who enjoy reading Marmaduke every morning.  All of them who were in reality sadomasochists took their children to see the Marmaduke movie.

Fastrack:

 
I knew it.  She's the one responsible for Pluto's demotion!  It was all a marketing scheme!  She should be ashamed.

Bob the Squirrel:

I was considering writing something about "putting himself into his work," but I thought better of it.  All I really have to say is that the glue sitting there is probably the latest in a large number of tubes of glue that he used.  There's no way there was enough in that one to glue all of that hair and nail clippings together.  Let's hope it's Gorilla Glue, too, or the thing might fall apart.

Beetle Bailey:

Sarge, don't you realize that Snoopy hardly ever wears clothes, and yet your dog puts on his own military uniform daily?  He also just drew a perfect dog paw print.  Otto should bite Sarge more.  Maybe then he'd understand.

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Late To The Party

It's a bit late, but I've heard some people say that late is better than never.


Compu-toon 2/24/10

No it isn't. I understand the joke is that voice mail is annoying, but it will never be considered a punishment for anything.

Dick Tracy 2/24/10

From the way the final word balloon is structured it appears as though Dick is actually saying 'gurgle' and not actually gurgling. That is funny to me.

Gil Thorp 2/24/10

Ah, so here we are. After many weeks of wondering why Quasi Luhm became a janitor instead of graduating from State with a communications degree(or whatever dumb thing he was doing)we discover that he apparently dropped out on purpose. The reasons are clear: everyone knows that high school girls all want to bone the janitor. Especially ones that are trying to piss off their parents.

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Baby-Eating Sunday

Sunday comics for all, in glorious COLOR!!

Ginger Meggs 1/10/10

What kind of moronic person would do this? You never post on Facebook when you are skipping work or school because even if it's legitimate, it still raises questions.

Adam@Home 1/10/10

I've never seen it but I thought that "Transformers" was a decent movie. It was the second one that made people physically ill.

Wee Pals 1/10/10

So the police in this city monitor how fast people drive on the sidewalk? Or in the park? That's not the only problem I have with this strip. The fact that Morrie takes three panels to do what two could've done easily just urks me.

Dog Eat Doug 1/10/10

I know the baby just crawled away to break that shiny thing but I'd like to think the dog ate the baby. This pleases me.

Mother Goose & Grimm 1/10/10

Yeah! You wouldn't understand you weird purple cat, raccoon thing.

Compu-Toon 1/10/10

Hmm, that's not how High-Defintion works. That's not how it works at all.

Momma 1/10/10

Hmm, that's not how thoughts works. That's not how they work at all.

What did Momma honestly expect to find? You'd think she'd know her son better by now.

The Amazing Spider-Man 1/10/10

I have been following Spider-Man over at Meekrat and I clearly remember when Wolverine left but we got a glimpse of Sabretooth and I was excited. Then we got a stupid story about Sandman's daughter and the day being saved by a fricking henchman--not ol' Web-head. So now Sabretooth is back. Will Wolverine be back as well?

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Inflatable Goats

I greet you from the deeps. Today is just another average Tuesday here at DCR. I have some witty comments and some not-so-witty comments. Oh, who're we kidding? None of them are witty.




Cleats 10/13/09

Ooooo, burn. Take that you inked up people.



La Cucaracha 10/13/09

As long as Meryl Streep gets eaten my a hippo, that will be the greatest movie ever.

Not that I have anything against Meryl, it would just be sweet to see someone of that caliber eaten by a hippo.



Frog Applause 10/13/09

Inflatable bestiality: a new horizon. Thanks Frog Applause for reaching towards new heights.



Compu-Toon 10/13/09

What the hell kind of name is Cleophus? Nobody is name that and I dare you, Internet, to prove me wrong.

Also, what exactly is going on? Just where is this external portal? I don't see it.



Real Life Adventures 10/13/09

Listen up kids. Messing with Canada geese is never a cool thing to do. They are mean bastards and would love to bite you for no reason at all. So don't let your friends pressure you into taunting a Canada goose, it just isn't smart.



Off the Mark 10/13/09

"Insert obvious joke here"

That angry cat looks like a cross between Garfield and Heathcliff.

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I Brake For Cannibals With Fake Diamonds

Monday brings a bounty of comic commentary. Did you see that? Two alliterations in one sentence! Only two words still counts as alliteration, right?

Now that I've completely lost the entire audience, on to the strips.

Also, you can discuss the DCR at The Mighty Comic Strip Blog Collective.

Mother Goose & Grimm 10/5/09

Above 'Massage' there are more words. They are 'Potato Cannibal'. Why else would they be using sour cream, chives, and butter? Humans don't massage each other with wines and spices, do they?

Also, it kind of looks like Mr. Potato-head already got the 'full release', if you know what I mean.



Watch Your Head 10/5/09

In summation, some people are crazy if you touch their stuff. You would do well to remember that.



Luann 10/5/09

At last we learn that Elwood, the supposed millionaire after Luann's jailbait ass, is not rich. Or at least, an asshole of large magnitude.

Also, why is the jeweler being so bitchy? There's no need to get the poor girl's hopes up like that only to dash them. She was already proposed to by a midget pretending to be a millionaire, I think she's suffered enough.



The Doozies 10/5/09

Why is he having a garage sale in the middle of the street?

Actually on closer inspection, it appears that the whole thing is set in some kind of void.

Also, it makes sense that she didn't brake because the sign that designates the pile of crap as a garage sale is facing the opposite direction that the vehicle is traveling making it impossible for the driver to know that the collection of junk is in fact a garage sale and not simply the result of a tipped over garbage truck.



Pluggers 10/5/09

Usually Pluggers is just lame, but this time it's just wrong. There is, in fact, airmail (it is one word, Google told me so). How do you think mail gets to other countries? And yes, they don't call domestic mail 'airmail' anymore, but how do you think express mail gets to where it needs to go so quickly? You didn't get that package from Portland, Maine to Portland, Oregon overnight by truck, I can tell you that.

If there's one thing I know, it's the Post Office, so don't fuck with me Pluggers.



Compu-Toon 10/5/09

By completely destroying the damn thing. Maybe it the heat won't damage the phone beyond repair, but the tumble will likely break the case open and otherwise render the phone inoperable.

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