The Daily Comics Review: Nest Heads Throw Down

by Hal Bent

Oh my gosh, where I have I been? Busy with life I guess. Glad to be back here after a few days away from the pages of the Daily Comics Review. You know what, I'm feeling frisky and ready to throw down. Some comic must be trying to step up and challenge.  Let's get on with it already!

Nest Heads by John Allen:

Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it Nest Heads?  Saying stupid things and being proven wrong? Reality Shows? Bottled Water. That's just weak. Let's see you top these (yes, I actually said these things):
"New Coke tastes even better than old Coca-Cola";
"Dad, wake up, the Red Sox are about to beat the Mets here and win the World Series in six games";
"What in the world did you do to your hair?";
"It's possible to make a decent living with a Liberal Arts degree";
"Star Trek: Voyager is going to be the best of all the Star Trek series!";
"This Kobe Bryant kid is gonna flame out of basketball in two years";
"No one is going to want to watch a bunch of washed up celebrities dancing on television"; 
"Glam Metal and Hair Bands are never going to go out of style"
"I can drink the whole bottle without it affecting me"
Yeah, go hang your head in shame, Nest Heads, you just got beat down.

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly:

This was the story of my life in high school.  "Look at that gaggle of Geeks."  Actually, no one would use gaggle, we were the only geeks who knew the definition of "gaggle". 

Broom Hilda by Russell Myers:

Where is panel three?  I want to see the carnage.  I need to see that hideous Broom Hilda devoured. Oh what a treat the comics would be. 

Brevity by Dan Thompson:

I don't have many rules in my life, but one of them I firmly believe in is that no toilet paper with a sword is allowed anywhere near me.  Not many rule, but that is definitely one of them!

B.C. by Hart:

You mean the pretentious, know-it-all, overspending douche-bag?  Yeah, the country is full of them. Too bad the blonde lady is already glassy-eyed and ready to throw herself at him, as always happens with these walking, talking turds. Just saying...

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Bad Also Starts with "B"

Ben by Daniel Shelton:

I call bull-hockey...this guy is over 60 years-old, and everyone knows that old people hoard batteries.  Not only that, they stuff their refrigerator full of the batteries so....well, I guess they think it makes them last longer. But the point is, the older guy is going to go to the fridge and replace the batteries. He probably has 400 double-A's left-over from the last snowstorm or hurricane.



Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos:

This lady is in for some serious gastric surgery. Edible hairnets?  Her stomach is going to be opened up and feet of her intestines are going to be removed as those hairnets wrap themselves around her innards.  Or maybe the minimum-wage, on-call substitute cafeteria worker pay barely covers her expenses as she struggles to make ends meet with her 401k lost in the financial bubble, all 99 weeks of unemployment long gone, and reduced to eating anything she can get her hands on in the cafeteria.  Or I can be crude and come up with another reason why the hairnets smell like fish sticks...



B.C. by Hart:

This comic strip isn't really all that funny, but the post-apocalypse cave woman with the cheese, is in real bad shape there.  Look at that face.  Such quiet desperation. She has lost all and is clutching the one think that does not judge her--that doesn't look down on her. NO ONE is taking that cheese away from her.

Broom Hilda by Russell Myers:

t

MISSING PANEL FOUR:..>but I'm pretty sure I got laid!

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Valentine's Day Massacre

Happy Valentine's Day! Let's hope everyone spent lots of money to stimulate the economy (because nothing says eternal love like flowers that die in two days and sugar and cocoa snacks high in saturated fats and carbohydrates). I know, I missed yesterday. C'est la vie. Let's get to it!

Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos:

If you are not a regular Baldo reader (and really, why would anyone be reading Baldo on a regular basis?), you will be confused by this love-themed Valentine's Day cartoon as Baldo's fat friend (I really can't expend the brain cells to remember his name) is in love with a scooter or some nonsense.  It has a female personality and screen with a female face and tubs of love here is goo-goo gaga-gaga over the mechanical device.  Apparently he does obscene things with the motor, as far as I can tell about the final panel.

Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

Hmm, the comics with a Valentine's Day theme seem geared towards fat guys with disturbing machine issues. This tub of fun bought his not-very-attractive wife a rowing machine.  Um, I can't imagine a wife being too thrilled about getting a rowing machine. "Dear, your arms and body shape are pretty manly, so I got you a rowing machine to really give you that broad-shouldered look."  Nope, does not go over like this in real life. 

Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom:

OK, so it's a definite theme.  Unattractive people are going to consume candy and give sad gifts.  Then they will risk the future of mankind by engaging in reproductive practices.  END IT! STOP THE VALENTINE'S DAY MADNESS!

Broom Hilda by Russell Myers:

Well, at least these hideous creatures will not be reproducing in some bizarre cross-species three-way  this Valentine's Day.

 Café con Leche by Charlos Gary:

Welcome to the real America on Valentine's Day!  "Yeah, here's my effort. I spent some money on an empty gesture as required by society, and I won't lower myself to say I love you, either. But here's a weak attempt. Can I go back to doing what I want to do and detesting you?" How depressing.

Daddy's Home by Tony Rubino and Gary Markstein:

It's funny because she finds her husband unattractive and has lost all interest in having any kind of physical relationship and was hoping for a box of chocolates she could re-gift to young worker in the mail room she meets for occasional relations.

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Well, that was depressing.  Hope everyone has a better Valentine's Day than the comics page characters!  Thanks for reading!

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Fatties, Spock, and Gaylords

I told Bryce there was no way I could do the Daily Comics Review each day: Full time job; Kids; Attractive wife; No way I can do it more than a couple times a week. Yet here I am posting again for the third straight day.  Can't help it, I read the funnies, and I have the addictive need to shoot off my big mouth. Good thing I have an addictive personality. 

DRABBLE by Kevin Fagan:

It's funny because Drabble is fat. He's gonna suffer from heart disease, diabetes, and other maladies because he's obese.  Ha, that's high humor.  Maybe he'll damage his kidneys or spleen by wearing his belt so tight. Hah-hah.  It's funny because he's constricting himself. Funny stuff. 

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BEN by Daniel Shelton

Ho-ho. Fat and old! They know how to tickle the funny bone today: impending death. Whoo-hoo.   Too bad there wasn't a job about how the old guy's stomach fat leads to impotence.  Then we'd have some real humor.

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CHUCKLE BROS by Brian & Ron Boychuk:

OK, inner Star Trek geek rage time: Mr. Spock, from Vulcan, is buying a relationship book about human men and women.  In a semi-modern 20th century bookstore.  Since Vulcans mate every seven years during Pon-Farr, and it is entirely non-logical biological function, why would he buy the book?  Do the comic creators assume he is Martian. Thus, he is from Mars. Therefore, he is looking to get freaky with a Venusian female?  He is not from Mars.  This makes no sense.  I repeat: Not. From. Mars. 

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BROOM HILDA by Russell Myers:

I remember this comic as a kid....it wasn't funny then either.  The joke is pretty lame.  Is Broom Hilda made up of tomato sauce, cheese, and a bread crust? NO. So she's not a pizza-based life form. But the fuzzy monster called the bird, Gaylord.  Back when I was a kid, gaylord was THE recess insult. As in, "look at that gaylord showing off on the jungle gym".  I know its a proper name (Hall of Fame pitcher Gaylord Perry), but its much funnier to think the fuzzy monster  doesn't like the bird and insults him to his face.  Heck, that's the only way this is funny.

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FLO AND FRIENDS: by Jenny Campbell

Deleting cookies.  Fat guy eating this Aunt's Christmas cookies on February 1st, when the cookies are about 6 weeks old.  Is the 3rd panel expressions due to the extreme wit or simply the fact that this joke was made 20 years ago and it wasn't funny then.  Cookies on a computer, ha-ha.  More importantly, why is prototypical early 80's punk girrl deleting her Aunt's cookie file?    Just what kind of websites is Auntie hanging out on that requires a cookie delete? Hmmm. I'm going with German porn.  

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Of Human Bondage

Boomerangs

Pun alert! And it involves the name of the author of a nearly 100 year old book!  With dry humor like this, why isn't Boomerangs still pumping out new strips?

Bound and Gaged

I don't believe inmates are allowed cell phones and other such electronics, so most likely what the man on the floor has in his hand is a bar of soap carved into the shape of an iPhone—carved for the express purpose of annoying his cell mate with this inane pun.  Mission accomplished.  Though he should be careful, lest he wind up with those 4 bars shoved somewhere unpleasant.

Broom Hilda

What's wrong with Broom Hilda flying on her broomstick?  She is a a witch with magical powers after all.  She should be able to save all kinds in travel expenses.

Jump Start

Looks like the food truck craze has finally found its way to the comics page.  Hmm... I'm a bit hungry, I could go for some "Mobile Gourmet Food" right about now.

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Paying for College

Adam@Home

"...And given that they've probably inherited my physical capabilities, athletic scholarships are also out of the question.  Oh well, I guess I'll have to finance their education with my baby ventriloquism act."

The Argyle Sweater

Ug.  That's three terrible puns in a single panel.  That has to be some kind of record.

Bliss

Okay, it's not a deer, so what is it?  A person?  A bear?  Judging from the kid's expression, perhaps it was his favorite superhero?  We'll never know.  That's Bliss for you.

Broom Hilda

Is Broom Hilda so hard up for compliments that when a cashier merely verifies the painfully obvious (given Hilda's grotesque physical appearance) that she flies broomlessly through the air to plant a kiss on said cashier?  What a wretched life indeed.

Cornered
 
Um... it's called a "deposit."

The Grizzwells

Actually, what's creepy is the lady porcupine's weird boob-lumps.

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On Tipping

Bliss

The colorist really should not have made the characters' torsos flesh colored.  Now everyone looks like nerdy Chippendale dancers.

Broom Hilda

Wha?  This monster has a very roundabout method of collecting victims.  I don't imagine that many "vacuum cleaner salespersons" would just happen to walk by this darkened cave, let alone possess the inclination to accept the sign's invitation.  Yet apparently this exact scenario has happened at least 4 times.

The Buckets

Weird, inexplicable storyline in The Buckets this week.  This kid just sits outside next to a tip jar while absentmindedly playing a video game.  Strangers walk by and ask him if he is some sort of undesirable/annoying character; the kid says "no" and then the stranger leaves a dollar in the jar and moves on.  Perhaps the cartoonist is suggesting we all should show greater appreciation for innocent and unobnoxious.  So readers, next time you see someone on the street minding their own business and not being a prick be sure to tip them generously.

Cul de Sac

"Because you're my only hope for grandchildren.  Petey's off-putting OCD tendencies will never get him laid."

Off the Mark

Ah... sweet vengeance.

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Bubble Gum Farts and People Food

Adam@Home

Laura is too amused by her own cleverness to pay attention to her parenting responsibilities.  But it works out in the end anyway:  Laura's absent-minded detachment from her kids is punishment enough for Clayton.

Boom Hilda

So it looks like Broom Hilda has finally been caught and is being tried for witchcraft.  Judging by the trigger happy (or should I say match-strike happy?) attitude of the jury, I'd say Broom Hilda isn't long for this world.

The Buckets

The mom here isn't overreacting to her son's "Kids Say the Darndest Things" moment, rather, she is slow-jamming her favorite song that just popped into her head.  Yeah, overmedicating yourself can have disturbing consequences.

Close to Home

Somebody out there please make this a real thing.  It would be HILARIOUS.

Eek!

Ug.  This gag has been done before.  Come on Eek!

Speaking of retread ideas...

F Minus

The Flying McCoys 

A near identical gag on the same day!  I swear, cartoonists all must subscribe to same newsletter.  The back page must be "10 Comic Strip Ideas In Case You Are Lame and Uncreative and Totally Can't Think of Anything Right Now."

Alright, that's all for now.  See you next week!

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Happy Pi Day!

Happy pi day everybody! Now on to comics review!

The Born Looser

Run away, Jacob Yaeger! This man may have been born a looser, but I'm pretty sure his aura of excessive personal failure can rub off on those around him.

Boom Hilda

No Prozac for you, Broom Hilda. You'll just have to soldier through your crippling depression.

The Buckets

Over 8 hours of continuous sleep? Sheesh, this guy should be a little more grateful that his body clock is fully cooperating.

Cornered

I don't think longer legs make you any better at jumping. Maybe the opposite actually. If this guy was playing basketball, he would have less of a need to jump as he would already be closer to the basket. The gag would probably work better if the employer was interviewing a frog or kangaroo—you know, something that can actually jump.

Momma

Momma's worst fears and nightmares are confusing. So which is the main worry here? That her son is a beggar, or that he is disillusioned? Also, I don't see how demanding $2 as opposed to $1 would make anyone think themselves a businessman.

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Leap Year

Happy Leap Year! Time for some comics review!

Agnes

Uh... it's every four years. Since Trout seems to know so much about this day, you'd think she'd be aware of that.

Alley Oop from 2/27/11

For the last time: THEIR DRESSES ARE TWO DISTINCT COLORS! Differentiating the two requires only a minuscule amount of memorization. Or if you can't see color, the shoulder strap of one dress is on the left, the other is on the right. Okay, no more excuses.

Bob the Squirrel

My vote is for "February Supreme."

Brevity

"Last!"?? You can't have a "last" comment. Does anyone do that? Someone would just comment right after. A "first" comment would have been more true to life. TECHNOLOGY JOKE FAIL!

Broom Hilda

Looks like the maître d' should be the one more familiar with the concept of eating for three.

Rose is Rose

Are there actually any leap year celebrations out in the world? No so much of a holiday per se, as just an extra day. Though perhaps it should be.

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