The Daily Comics Review: Swearing Off "Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs" Forever

I keep saying to myself I can't do this everyday.  But here I am sitting in front of the computers reading the comics and I just can't stop myself:

ANDY CAPP By Reg Smythe:

Andy Capp is a long running adventure of a Brit named Andy and his long-suffering wife, Flo.  Andy, as all Americans imagine the average roustabout Brit, plays snooker, darts, and footy; drinks to excess; drinks to excess and then fights with the wife; bails out of any opportunity to get a job; and generally drinks to excess and fights anyone available who slightly insults his sensitive sensibilities. 

Andy Capp has a script: it's one of the above everyday, or, a combination of them.  Today, Andy has already reacted to a perceived slight from a waiter and violent mayhem as ensued. Andy Capp is, as another famous Brit wrote about an Italian guy, "as constant as the Northern Star. Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality. There is no fellow in the firmament." (It was Shakespeare from "Julius Caesar" -- Sorry, I have to get some mileage out of that liberal arts degree I wasted so much valuable time and money on in my wasted youth earned through hard work and dedication and have used to advance my career and provide for my family. 

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BEN by Daniel Shelton:

Is it funny because he is old and confused? He has early onset Alzheimer's Disease and therefore is a subject of ridicule?  That or some other form of dementia? Or, he truly can't tell his wife from the dog, which is kind of creepy. I think this comic is about ridiculing the elderly. It's not trying to be funny, this comic is simply mean-spirited.   So the comic creator is showing the decline of modern morals by ridiculing the older generations and showing the scorn they are subjected to by the younger generations.  Quite a powerful statement to make in the funny pages. (Or, it's just not funny or deep, and Shelton likes making fun of old people).

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BOTTOMLINERS by Eric and Bill Teitelbaum: 

This comic isn't here because it's funny. No, it's here because it appeals to a extremely small demographic, namely me.  A former career in executive job placement and now a government employee? Wow. They are targeting me!  I feel so special.

That said, another lame joke about diddle-daddling, lazy government workers? Lame.  Another joke that was old when I was a kid.  Add in all the layoffs, early retirements, and attrition in our agency, and even the lazy old-timers are forced to work hard whether they want to or not.  We are all doing more work with less. But, yeah, since we work in government, we're automatically lazy.  More slings and arrows to endure. Ouch, you fine gentlemen have wounded me to my core.

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BAD REPORTER by Don Asmussen:

Not as familiar with this comic, but mildly entertaining. My nine-year-old daughter found the puppy bowl story amusing, so it has that going for it.  It caught my eye in that in a similar vein, my friends and I would create our own "fake" newspaper in study hall.  We would buy copies of the Weekly World News or National Enquirer or other trash tabloid and then cut and paste (literally with scissors and glue, no computers in the classroom back then) the headlines and re-write the stories with classmates and teachers and extremely inappropriate subject matter.  Looking back on it, I don't know how our "newspapers" were not confiscated by the administration and we were not expelled. Most of the stories were so graphically inappropriate and unsuitable for the environment that in today's politically correct culture it would jail time and headline news for sure.  

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CUL DE SAC by Richard Thompson:

This is me with my family. I make jokes, and I get uncomprehending stares from them.  But at least I have a full head of hair! Hah, suck it, father in this comic strip who is as real as Manti Te'o's girlfriend (I take small victories wherever I can get them!). 

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BREVITY by Dan Thompson:

OK, I hate to mix newspaper comic strips and superhero comic books, but in the Marvel Universe Reed "Mr. Fantastic" Richards uses unstable molecules to create uniforms for the Fantastic Four so that it stretches when he stretches, it turns invisible when his wife, Sue "The Invisible Woman" Storm, turns invisible, doesn't burn up when his brother-in-law, Johnny "The Human Torch" Storm turns to flame, and doesn't rip when his best friend Ben "The Thing" Grimm who is Incredible Hulk sized flexes.  In the comic books, Bruce "The Incredible Hulk" Banner is friends with fellow scientist Reed Richards.  

So I have to agree with the strip here. Why is the Hulk ripping his clothes all the time when the solution is known and used by his friend?  Granted, he is not as impressive on the page without his green muscles flexing and ripped clothes all about (gotta stop the description so the wife doesn't get all excited!), but overall, good point made in the newspaper comic strip about the superhero comic books.  

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MONTY by Jim Meddick:

"Nathan's Famous"? As in hot dogs. Skinny jeans. This is about Monty's penis.  On a Saturday, usually the least-read comic strip day (the seven people who still read newspapers tend to buy them on Sunday, and then Monday to Friday), Jim Meddick decides to drop the first three letters of his last name when making his joke in Monty.  Wow. I am flabbergasted, that is pretty blatant.  Of course, now I am covering the final panel on the computer screen...I don't have any desire to search for detail in the drawing of Monty in his skinny jeans in that panel.   "Nathan's Famous".  Monty's skinny, hot dog like genitalia referenced in the comic strip.  Ugggh.  TIME TO MOVE ALONG TO THE NEXT COMIC STRIP. 

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THE FUSCO BROTHERS by J.C. Duffy:

Erotic Illustrations on a menu? No one say anything about Nathan's Famous hot dogs. Or Monty. 

TIME TO GO!  NO MORE! NO MORE!

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Now with 110% more exploding cow heads.

Hello all. Time for some Wednesday comics review!

The Born Loser

Would a punchline have been too much to ask?

Candorville

Now kids, can you tell me which of these unemployed gentlemen is living clean and sober and which is as high as the SOHO satellite?

Cow and Boy

True. I don't know about your head exploding, but if you gave 10% more than you had to give you would probably die. On a side note, I can't be the only one thinking that while Cow is headless Boy should use this opportunity to slice off a bit of prime rib or a nice juicy sirloin. Mmm... perhaps I shouldn't be reading the comics while hungry...

The Grizzwells

The frightened look on the porcupine's face in the second panel suggests that this is not the first time that the rabbit has gotten these inter-species lustful urges. Run away, Pierpoint! No woodland critter is safe!

Rose is Rose

No, it's not mandatory little birdie, but guess who gets to die cold, hungry, and alone this winter.

Gasoline Alley

Whoa! Seriously? Blatant product pitching in the comics page? Ug.

The Fusco Brothers

I guess Axel's prostrate cancer is going undiagnosed for at least another few months.

Read more...

Perverted Wednesday

Hello. It's Peter again. Let's see what Wednesday's comics have to offer.

Adam@Home

Ever since Rob Harrell took over writing and drawing Adam@Home, Adam has gotten a little, shall we say, weird. The strip used to depict Adam actually working from home, interacting with his clients and arguing over deadlines and such. Now it seems Adam's work has dried up, and the lack of meaningful human contact has made him forget how to talk to other adults.

Eek!

Whoa. Take that!, One Million Years B.C.

Herb and Jamaal

The punchline is that the old lady is about to die and doesn't know what the point of it all was. Funny.

Real Life Adventures

At least Herb and Jamaal had a punchline. I'm not understanding what's supposed to be funny here. Okay, this woman got grossed out by sweat-drenched exercise equipment. Big whoop. Also, there are usually lots of stationary bikes at the gym, why couldn't she have found another one?

Reality Check

This is rather creepy. I don't think I'd have cast a character named "Groper" in the first place.

Monty

Okay, we get it, creators of Monty. This little robot guy has a thing for household appliances and other machinery. I don't want to think about the disturbing implications of today's strip.

Though not nearly as disturbing as...

Fusco Brothers

Eww.

And with that, gentle readers, I'll leave you until next week.

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These Comics Suck, Buster

Greetings to you on this glorious Friday. There is some comic snark for you to read, if you so choose to read it. And if you don't, then go away this is clearly not the place for you.


Funky Winkerbean 6/12/09

Because the only joy worth feeling is the kind that comes at someone else's expense.

Also, no one says 'buster' anymore. Not even old people.

Also also, I will live forever and never learn that my day is coming so take that Funky, you big prick.



Todd the Dinosaur 6/12/09

I think the writer forgot that twitter is no longer associated with being excited and is now a culture fad that involves saying as little as possible in as few as possible characters. In any case, the comic is still not funny.



Shoe 6/12/09

I don't really get it. Did he purchase a bus? Or did his bus fare cost $250,000? If the latter is true then I hope they give out free champagne and caviar.

Also, is the blue bird not wearing any clothes? That seems odd since all the other birds in the Shoe universe wear clothes. Are they at a nudist bar or something?



The Fusco Brothers 6/12/09

What exactly would beer insurance do? Provide financial assistance in case you drink a bad beer? That doesn't seem likely. And how much would beer insurance cost? It seems like it would be cheaper to just enjoy high quality beers and avoid the crappy stuff.

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Some Evening Humour

Tonight, I will bring to you some comic relief in the form of a time-honored tradition: A review using title variations. For example, if a comic strip is called "King's Cuffes" (yeah, I made that up) I will use some (or all) of the letters in the title to form a review such as "Effing sucks!" with various punctuation changes, but no letters used besides the ones in the title. Get it?
To tell you the truth, this isn't really a time-honored tradition, but my brother once reviewed some movies this way... and it's been a long day and I'm lazy. Good thing we have XY to do some real work around here.

All strips are from today, 6-05-09.
So... to begin.

Review of Bo Nanas using only the letters in "Bo Nanas."











A snob, an ass; a b-b-basin. Bo Nanas as "boss"... n/a.

Review of Brewster Rockit using only the letters in "Brewster Rockit."











Brewster work be worst wit! Two twits... tsk tsk.

Review of Dog Eat Doug using only the letters in "Dog Eat Doug."











Good god! Get a GED. Dodge da odd dog duet.

Review of The Duplex using only the letters in "The Duplex."











He leapt; the depth helped expel. Duped dude: hexed.

Review of The Elderberries using only the letters in "The Elderberries."











Let her stir her terrible shit, eh? ...I bet the elder'll relist her this bed-tide.
Okay, that last one was reaching a bit with "bed-tide" (I was going for "evening," but...)

Review of The Fusco Brothers using only the letters in "The Fusco Brothers."











Truth hurts. Trust the tutor.
...torso of our Fusco brother be of toro? Fusco brother's torso sort of stout. Huh.

Review of Eek using only the letters in... okay, even I'm not that good. Normal, boring review instead.











Actually, the optimist would hope to God that she's completely empty, otherwise the vampire might be still lurking around, hungry... perhaps he's lurking in that ominous shadow on the bottom-right? Also, the dude on the left has vampire-esque hair and a violet suit-jacket. He's definitely the culprit. The toothless guy on the right better watch out.
Or, maybe the chick in purple just lives in her basement (hence the paleness) and had an attack of narcolepsy, therefore quickly falling asleep before she could close her eyes.


Goodnight, y'all!

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You Have No Chance to Survive Make Your Time

Greetings readers, I have an important message for you: The DCR now belongs to ME!!! Soon your planet will kneel before my might and I shall be known as Emperor of Earth. Mwhahaha!!

But until that happens you can enjoy my humorous observations about comic strips every Tuesday and Wednesday in addition to the News post on Thursday and the Saturday week in review.

Herman 6/2/09

Unless he was born in two separate parts, he was born on the third. A single person can't be born on two days. You can start on one day and finish the next, but you aren't born until you actually come out.

Also, I hope that's a snake baby or something or else that women will never recover.



Alley Oop 6/2/09

If you read all that text then I salute you. I couldn't even make it through the first panel. I saw 'Previously in Alley Oop' and ZZZZZZZZZ . . . damnit, it happened again.



Shoe 6/2/09

Shoe is pending for a bending by making a joke about spending.

Wow, it's hard to rhyme hateful sarcasm.



The Fusco Brothers 6/2/09

Are comic strips allowed to make fun of their own jokes? Isn't that mine and all the other comic strips bloggers job? I didn't read Fusco Brothers yesterday, but if it thinks its own joke was bad then it must have really sucked because Fusco Brothers isn't very good.



The Duplex 6/2/09

I have never heard either of those two statements, but it seems that if nature abhors a vacuum then nature really hates itself since most of the universe is a vacuum.

And regardless of what nature does or does not abhor, I abhor dust mops. Damn things, always cleaning up dust.



Bo Nanas 6/2/09

I'd normally try blinds over the windows before resorting to vandalism, but I suppose that I'm not dumb enough to put my bedroom right next to the street light.

Also, your retinas cannot melt without your eyes melting. And that would involve very high temperatures which would probably kill you and could not be produced by a normal street light.

But maybe that wasn't a normal street light. Maybe that one burned with the power of a 1000 suns.


Peace out y'all. I'll be seeing you on the morrow.

xy

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The Daily Comics for 7/29/08

Do you feel that there should be daily comics in color in newspapers? It's more effort to force on people who are already working hard every day, but in my opinion, the color adds so much! There are lots of traditional comic strips available in color, and most web comics are in color too. Is it time for grayscale daily comics to go the way of the dinosaur? Are there certain comics that benefit from black and white only? We'd love to hear your opinions!


Marmaduke 7/29/08

"You see, he is gigantic! Don't you get that Marmaduke is a HUGE dog? I've got to scoop his crap with a snow shovel! Someone kill me."


Nancy 7/29/08

There must be a missing panel right after the first one because this doesn't make any sense otherwise. I'm guessing, just from reading this strip the last few months, it went something like this: Sluggo stands over Nancy, kicking sand in her face and saying "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard."


Pearls Before Swine 7/29/08

Maybe this is why I've always had a problem with those people, they're just unnatural.


The Fusco Brothers 7/29/08

Here we see how going from irrelevant comics to creepy sexual innuendo comics is one of the best ways to get yourself featured on Daily Comics Review. It's more enjoyable to read Fusco Brothers if you imagine they speak in a low gravely deep voice, real creepy slow like. Try it!


Alley Oop 7/29/08

Alley Oop is on a quest to contact his creators for some boring reason and has finally found them. Turns out they are two flat, featureless gradient-maps shaped slightly like humans.


For Better or For Worse 7/29/08

We present the first and hopefully last comic to feature an old man biting his own nipple. And people say For Better or For Worse is past its prime!


Dick Tracy 7/29/08

I've bitched a lot about the rediculous lack of gun use in superhero comics where cops are often present (see the whole Spider-Man plot currently running) but Dick Tracy is a detective. He has no super powers, but doesn't use his gun in the most obvious situation. Let me set it up for you: You are being attacked by dogs that are trained to kill people. You have a gun, but you decide to give them a steak instead in the hopes of distracting them. Either Dick's writer is losing it or Mr. Tracy is really a sleeper operative for PETA.


Overcompensating 7/29/08

Best comic today. We lean kinda left, deal with it.

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Monday April 5, 2008 comics!

After a weekend spent trying fix my computer I ultimately succeeded in getting the machine working great once again. I failed to update the blog though and when you have as many readers as I do I just have to apologize to all....... wait, nobody reads this. Anyways today we got tons of comics, way better than last Monday!


Days of Thunder 5/5/08























As as far as the various single panel comics out there go, Days of Thunder falls about in the middle of the spectrum. It is drawn very basic and the humor is very dry but it is seldom boring or even stupid. I liked todays comic very much so I figured I would share it.


Edge City 5/5/08








I worked for 3 months at a big box electronics store and I have to say this is not the way it would have worked. The customer in this comic doesn't even get angry at the clerk. In the real world the customer would insist we look in the back of the store and make sure we don't have any more. Then the clerk would need to get on the phone with the other store and make sure they pulled the item and set it aside. The fact of the matter is it's cheaper almost always to buy your electronics off the internet, but that just isn't funny.


Mark Trail 5/5/08








Talking birds and hands in this Monday edition of MT. As the scheme has now been hatched we can see Mark hasn't lost his touch for outsmarting all manner of outlaws. Apparently the town paper has nothing to report ever if Mark can get a story about how much he loves his dog some front page love.


Marvin 5/5/08








Apart from Marvin's "come hither" stare in the first frame this strip alarms me to the fact that 2 year olds no have access to computers, the internet, and their own email addresses. We're seeing carpal tunnel earlier and earlier with these kids.


The Phantom 5/5/08








The introduction of a new plot line and none of the panels make any sense, whether you read them separately or together. Oh Ghost-Who-Walks you really need to get your shit together.


Slylock Fox 5/5/08








The better mystery might have been what the hell Slylock fox was doing up in a tree in the middle of the field. Solution - He was going to hang himself after he found out his detective office got foreclosed on. Damn adjustable rates! But as he looked down and saw the big ape with the cash he loosened the noose and apprehended the criminal! With that reward coming his way he can pay to fill his gas tank!


The Amazing Spider-Man 5/5/08








Today we got an all too close look at the bedroom behavior of Mr. and Mrs. Spider-man. Peter apparently likes to be tied up with his own sticky webbing. I'm sure there's a whole online community devoted to the idea.


The Fusco Brothers 5/5/08








This is the first time the Fuscos have actually made me laugh. Ever. Congrats guys, lets work on making it a more regular thing.


We The Robots 5/5/08


















For finally chronicling the innermost thoughts of all men as the spend their time toiling away on a patch of grass, We The Robots gets my comic of the day award, woo hoo!

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