Terrible Tuesday

by Hal Bent

It's Tuesday, which is like a Monday on repeat, so getting right to the comics under review:

Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom

I don't like it when the Born Loser (is his name Brutus? Yes, Brutus Thornapple. What a great name) is not in his own strip.  Today, we have an unpublished writer and part-time freelance script editor working hard to make some green to support his dreams and has to suffer the slings and arrows of this doofus.  Hey Boss-Guy (Veeblefester, How depressing that I know their names), the waiter didn't buy or cook your steak. He is not the owner. He makes an obscenely little amount of money, and he definitely does not need to hear your hackneyed joke that was old and tired when Vaudeville was new.


Bottomliners by Eric and Bill Teitelbaum

"I am also a charter member of the FREAK-daily-mile-high-club. Wanna see how freaky I am, Baby? Don't let the suit throw you off or anything--I'm a FREAK!"


Dick Tracy by Joe Staton and Mike Curtis

Umm, that second panel is awesome.  Is that kid withe the ponytails holding a turkey drumstick? Are they frozen, or are they slowly walking backwards back up the steps into the house instead of turning around.  Then antennae?  Mind=Blown. Wow. Whatever Staton and Curtis are smoking, I'll have one too.



Kit and Carlyle by Larry Wright

I add this one only because the cat looks like my cat, and my son turned on the shower Sunday night and got him when he did not see the little guy napping in there. 

Read more...

The Daily Comics Review: Swearing Off "Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs" Forever

I keep saying to myself I can't do this everyday.  But here I am sitting in front of the computers reading the comics and I just can't stop myself:

ANDY CAPP By Reg Smythe:

Andy Capp is a long running adventure of a Brit named Andy and his long-suffering wife, Flo.  Andy, as all Americans imagine the average roustabout Brit, plays snooker, darts, and footy; drinks to excess; drinks to excess and then fights with the wife; bails out of any opportunity to get a job; and generally drinks to excess and fights anyone available who slightly insults his sensitive sensibilities. 

Andy Capp has a script: it's one of the above everyday, or, a combination of them.  Today, Andy has already reacted to a perceived slight from a waiter and violent mayhem as ensued. Andy Capp is, as another famous Brit wrote about an Italian guy, "as constant as the Northern Star. Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality. There is no fellow in the firmament." (It was Shakespeare from "Julius Caesar" -- Sorry, I have to get some mileage out of that liberal arts degree I wasted so much valuable time and money on in my wasted youth earned through hard work and dedication and have used to advance my career and provide for my family. 

*

BEN by Daniel Shelton:

Is it funny because he is old and confused? He has early onset Alzheimer's Disease and therefore is a subject of ridicule?  That or some other form of dementia? Or, he truly can't tell his wife from the dog, which is kind of creepy. I think this comic is about ridiculing the elderly. It's not trying to be funny, this comic is simply mean-spirited.   So the comic creator is showing the decline of modern morals by ridiculing the older generations and showing the scorn they are subjected to by the younger generations.  Quite a powerful statement to make in the funny pages. (Or, it's just not funny or deep, and Shelton likes making fun of old people).

*

BOTTOMLINERS by Eric and Bill Teitelbaum: 

This comic isn't here because it's funny. No, it's here because it appeals to a extremely small demographic, namely me.  A former career in executive job placement and now a government employee? Wow. They are targeting me!  I feel so special.

That said, another lame joke about diddle-daddling, lazy government workers? Lame.  Another joke that was old when I was a kid.  Add in all the layoffs, early retirements, and attrition in our agency, and even the lazy old-timers are forced to work hard whether they want to or not.  We are all doing more work with less. But, yeah, since we work in government, we're automatically lazy.  More slings and arrows to endure. Ouch, you fine gentlemen have wounded me to my core.

*

BAD REPORTER by Don Asmussen:

Not as familiar with this comic, but mildly entertaining. My nine-year-old daughter found the puppy bowl story amusing, so it has that going for it.  It caught my eye in that in a similar vein, my friends and I would create our own "fake" newspaper in study hall.  We would buy copies of the Weekly World News or National Enquirer or other trash tabloid and then cut and paste (literally with scissors and glue, no computers in the classroom back then) the headlines and re-write the stories with classmates and teachers and extremely inappropriate subject matter.  Looking back on it, I don't know how our "newspapers" were not confiscated by the administration and we were not expelled. Most of the stories were so graphically inappropriate and unsuitable for the environment that in today's politically correct culture it would jail time and headline news for sure.  

*

CUL DE SAC by Richard Thompson:

This is me with my family. I make jokes, and I get uncomprehending stares from them.  But at least I have a full head of hair! Hah, suck it, father in this comic strip who is as real as Manti Te'o's girlfriend (I take small victories wherever I can get them!). 

*

BREVITY by Dan Thompson:

OK, I hate to mix newspaper comic strips and superhero comic books, but in the Marvel Universe Reed "Mr. Fantastic" Richards uses unstable molecules to create uniforms for the Fantastic Four so that it stretches when he stretches, it turns invisible when his wife, Sue "The Invisible Woman" Storm, turns invisible, doesn't burn up when his brother-in-law, Johnny "The Human Torch" Storm turns to flame, and doesn't rip when his best friend Ben "The Thing" Grimm who is Incredible Hulk sized flexes.  In the comic books, Bruce "The Incredible Hulk" Banner is friends with fellow scientist Reed Richards.  

So I have to agree with the strip here. Why is the Hulk ripping his clothes all the time when the solution is known and used by his friend?  Granted, he is not as impressive on the page without his green muscles flexing and ripped clothes all about (gotta stop the description so the wife doesn't get all excited!), but overall, good point made in the newspaper comic strip about the superhero comic books.  

*

MONTY by Jim Meddick:

"Nathan's Famous"? As in hot dogs. Skinny jeans. This is about Monty's penis.  On a Saturday, usually the least-read comic strip day (the seven people who still read newspapers tend to buy them on Sunday, and then Monday to Friday), Jim Meddick decides to drop the first three letters of his last name when making his joke in Monty.  Wow. I am flabbergasted, that is pretty blatant.  Of course, now I am covering the final panel on the computer screen...I don't have any desire to search for detail in the drawing of Monty in his skinny jeans in that panel.   "Nathan's Famous".  Monty's skinny, hot dog like genitalia referenced in the comic strip.  Ugggh.  TIME TO MOVE ALONG TO THE NEXT COMIC STRIP. 

*

THE FUSCO BROTHERS by J.C. Duffy:

Erotic Illustrations on a menu? No one say anything about Nathan's Famous hot dogs. Or Monty. 

TIME TO GO!  NO MORE! NO MORE!

* * *

Read more...

Fencing Tryouts

Adam@Home

Adam, 30 minutes is more than enough alone time with your wife.

B.C.

Since when do fence builders need agents?  Also, those other three are ready to go; no blunted tips for them!

Bottomliners

Aww... true story.

Fort Knox

Because being your Grandpa really isn't doing it for me, kid.

Overboard

There is an important life lesson here, and it is to never help anyone.

Read more...

Turkey Baster

I hate Mondays. Now you know and knowing is part of the conflict.


Cornered 9/28/09

"By remembering to be considerate of your cell mate's feelings when you're raping and/or stabbing him for looking at you wrong. It's the little things that make a relationship work."



Nest Heads 9/28/09

Actually, from what I hear it causes drowsiness right from the start of the show because it sucks. But I haven't seen it because I have better things to do. Such as write this stuff.



Bottomliners 9/28/09

This joke is as unoriginal as me pointing out how unoriginal it is.



The Knight Life 9/28/09

Well, she is lying. Blacks and whites haven't magically lived happily ever after since the Emancipation Proclamation. I'm not sure why anyone would even try to teach that; it's wrongness is quite amazing. It took another 100 years after the Civil War to get somewhat equal rights for black people. And there's still a long way to go before whites and blacks live in peace.

In summation: She lie!



Watch Your Head 9/28/09

"Turkey baster thighs"? What the hell does that mean? I've never heard that before, although I am from a Midwestern state and have little interaction with people so I guess this could be something really popular that I don't know about.

Has anybody heard any other crazy things like this?

Read more...

The Government Still Demands You To Read This

Today you get something a little different than what I usually offer. Instead of going off on tangents and spewing some garbage that I don't even understand, I'm going to offer different lines to the comics. While not original, it is different from my usual fare. Enjoy.

Also, the comments for yesterday were great. Why not leave some more. You could even request something or voice concern about what we're doing. We want to be better and we can't do it without your help.


Bizzaro 7/22/09

"The problem with having sex with the same person more than twice."



Loose Parts 7/22/09

"Get a real job."


Another good one:

"I had sex with your wife."




The Flying McCoys 7/22/09

"Wait here, I'm going to go rape that man/lion."

"What? Look at him. He's asking for it."



Bottomliners 7/22/09

"Has anyone else noticed that the boardroom is being swallowed by the void?"



The Duplex 7/22/09

"How did this roof get so smooth? And why is it painted pink?"



Bound and Gagged 7/22/09

"My HMO didn't know how to treat my gigantism so he cut off half my arms and put bolts in my neck."



Animal Crackers 7/22/09

"Do you mind if I use your eyes as my bait?"



9 to 5 7/22/09

"I need more convincing acting when you fake your orgasms."

Read more...

PETA Now Hates The DCR

If you are a member of the terrorist organization PETA, you may want to find another comic blog to read today.

Also, why are you reading comic blogs? Don't you have some research labs to blow up?


Exciting news will be shared with the reading public soon.


Bottomliners 7/3/09

Why are 'weren't' and 'enough' italicized? We would have gotten the point if only 'high' had been italicized.

Also, thanks for putting a window with 'RAB' on it so I knew that they were in a bar and not sitting in the street.



Eek! 7/3/09

This idea seems stolen from ATHF episode The Shaving. Which was probably stolen from somewhere else.

Also, that guy has a tiny head.



Daddy's Home 7/3/09

'Friggin''? Is the point of that pseudo-curse-word to drive home the fact that the black guy is a cold hearted bastard? Pretty racist if you ask me.



Cathy 7/3/09

Dogs are not like children. Neither are cats or any other pet. Animals are not really similar to children at all. Besides the fact that they eat, poop, breathe, and get in the way, they have nothing in common. People that think animals should be treated like humans *cough*PETA*cough* have a mental disorder and should be ignored to the best of your ability. I'm not saying that we can be cruel to animals, but dressing them up in sweaters and talking to them like they are babies only makes you look mentally ill.

Read more...