Thursday Quickies

by Hal Bent

It's Thursday, which means it's time for the quickies...set the snark-o-meter to "zing!".

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:

The Great White Snark, that's gonna be my new DCR nickname for myself.  "Hi, I'm Hal. You may know me as the Great White Snark."  Aww, who am I kidding. They'd give the title to Fruhlinger, make him a shark costume, and hold a parade for him through downtown Baltimore.


Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson:

Wait, who the hell is Vic? "Vic, it's Arlo. Key party on Saturday. Be there and bring that sweet wife of yours.  Yeah, Janis is going too. What shape is her keychain?  Wait, what?"


Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen:

Gary Sanders is revered as a symbol of fertility and virility (and sponsored by Viagra) in his neighborhood.The balloons tied to garters are from the stay at home moms who live in the neighborhood and there is symbolism tied to the number of balloons tied to each garter.


The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy:

Look at dat ass.  I'd say this strip is shocking to the average 75 year old newspaper comics reader (letters to the editor are going to trickle in full of indignation), but certainly tame compared to the average Craigslist "Casual Encounters".



Gasoline Alley by Jim Scancarelli:

When you "pinch a loaf", Slim, it's not necessary to cook and serve it to yourself for dinner, no matter how many ham and cheese lunchables you had for dinner the night before. 

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Liquefy the Street Melons

Big Top by Rob Harrell:

I love phrases that sound dirty, but really aren't.  Like anything referring to kumquats, for example.  It sounds like a bizarre sexual euphemism, but is actually a tame word.  I am definitely working "I haven't had quiche this moist in ages!" into a conversation on St. Paddy's day when feasting on quiche before the corned beef and cabbage.  Of course, I'll laugh like crazy and no one will know why I find it funny, but why should I start NOT humiliating my wife when we go to a party now?


Gasoline Alley by Jim Scancarelli:

So this is what happens when you skip Gasoline Alley for a few days: cross-species marriage.  When last I checked, Red Hat Bumpkin was negotiating a dowry for Black Hat Hillbilly's daughter.  Apparently, I skip a few days and it's full-bore bestiality in the comics pages.  Look at that donkey (mule? Is it already a cross-breed?), he/she is pretty darned happy for the honeymoon with Red Hat Bumpkin. 


Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis:

I love Rat. That is all. Sometimes the best character in the comics pages needs to be acknowledged.


Ziggy by Tom Wilson & Tom II: 

The waiter wants Ziggy to be mutilated by the Lobster! Hah! I wish I was just an impartial observer, but I am totally partial to the Lobster.  I'd love to see him crack that idiot Ziggy open.  Even better, he's at the Lobster Hut, so I can take a short drive down to historic Plymouth, MA and get a table and watch that idiot Ziggy get his just desserts. 

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Dog Eat Baby

Adam@Home

Damn.  Clayton isn't too fond of his little brother.  "Yeah, you should have held out for something less smelly and drooly."

Boomerangs

"If my daughter grows fangs then perhaps I will give her the love and attention she never got from me growing up."

Dog Eat Doug

Whoa.  Looks like Sophie the Dog has brutally murdered Doug's mom and dad.  Now that the parental figures are out of the way, the strip can finally live up to its name.

Gasoline Alley

Uh...her husband almost died.  Yeah, she should be frantic.  Why does he have to be such a dick about it?

Herb and Jamaal

She's crying because she found Herb's old love letters to Jamaal.

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Wednesday Comics

R.I.P. Bil Keane, creator of Family Circus. Family Circus wasn't always everyone's cups of tea (especially for snarky comics bloggers), but it was remarkably consistent over the years in its portrayal of family life. I will admit that it did make me smile on occasion.

Andertoons

"But even that's mostly spam anymore." Huh? At first I thought the strip might have been an import and the weird grammar was the result of a poor translation, but then I looked up Mark Anderson and found out he lives in Chicago.

Ballard Street

I need to feature more Ballard Street in my review. It is one of the most mystifyingly strange comics out there. Sometimes it's brilliantly weird; often it's just baffling. Today is one of the baffling days. Though I do enjoy Monty's crazy-proud expression.

Candorville

Looks like someone forgot to color in the Star Trek logo on Lemont's shirt... Gah! I notice too much!

Chuckle Bros

Typical Chuckle Bros: a clever gag ruined by a clunky delivery and bad art.

The Doozies

With customers like this, how does Dippin' Dots go bankrupt? I guess that explains the perplexed look on the man's face in the first panel. He's thinking, "How could my insatiable desire to gorge myself on sweet treats not keep this business afloat? Must be criminal mismanagement."

Gasoline Alley

Why call him Clarence? Oh I don't know... maybe because that's his real name, and "Chubby" is a ridiculous moniker for a grown man to have.

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Now with 110% more exploding cow heads.

Hello all. Time for some Wednesday comics review!

The Born Loser

Would a punchline have been too much to ask?

Candorville

Now kids, can you tell me which of these unemployed gentlemen is living clean and sober and which is as high as the SOHO satellite?

Cow and Boy

True. I don't know about your head exploding, but if you gave 10% more than you had to give you would probably die. On a side note, I can't be the only one thinking that while Cow is headless Boy should use this opportunity to slice off a bit of prime rib or a nice juicy sirloin. Mmm... perhaps I shouldn't be reading the comics while hungry...

The Grizzwells

The frightened look on the porcupine's face in the second panel suggests that this is not the first time that the rabbit has gotten these inter-species lustful urges. Run away, Pierpoint! No woodland critter is safe!

Rose is Rose

No, it's not mandatory little birdie, but guess who gets to die cold, hungry, and alone this winter.

Gasoline Alley

Whoa! Seriously? Blatant product pitching in the comics page? Ug.

The Fusco Brothers

I guess Axel's prostrate cancer is going undiagnosed for at least another few months.

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Watch Out for Kite-Eating Trees

I know I've been pretty flaky with the Sunday posts but hopefully from this point on there will be a regular stream of Sunday comics.

Ronaldinho Gaucho

Unless eating your vegetables also turns you into a man, this is veering awful close to child pornography.  I guess not drawing the nipples make it okay.

That's Life

Wouldn't this work better with Batman considering the 1960s Batman TV show had all the "POW!" and "ZOW!" and "BORT!" graphics?  Also considering Superman would be impervious to being stabbed by an action bubble makes this comic not work.

Funky Winkerbean

"Yeah, that Class of '11 just isn't as good as the Class of '10.  I hope they all die."

"Well, considering this is 'Funky Winkerbean' that is a plausible storyline."

Blondie

I love how Dithers hit Dagwood so hard with a pillow that it knocked Dag's shoe off.  Now that's a wallop.

Mary Worth

Sweet Jesus.  First Wilbur takes his fake son fishing and then takes his real daughter kite flying?  Does Wilbur not know how to have a good time?

Zits

I love Bazooka Joe comics.  I kind of wish there a book that reprinted the thousands of strips that have been produced.  I also hope somewhere in those strips is the story of why Joe wears that eyepatch.  Some horrible marble accident I assume.

Gasoline Alley

Hmm, considering birds could give a flying fig about our timekeeping methods I don't think they really notice our time change because they still wake up at the crack of dawn.

Now you all need to go over to my site and follow me on Twitter.

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It Was the Best of Comics. It Was the Worst of Comics

Let's get going on today's (and a couple from last week) comics.

Mallard Fillmore

Mallard has been yammering on about this stupid study for a week--possibly more.  Mallard also apparently doesn't know how this study works.  This is an article about the study and it says that only 2,300 college students were followed at two dozens universities.  45% of those 2,300 students “demonstrated no significant gains in critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and written communications during the first two years of college.”  How many people are in college?  Why does Mallard hate education?

Mary Worth 2/20/11

I have been loving this recent Mary Worth storyline where it's Wilbur vs. Dawn vs. Mary vs. technology. Only one will win!

Mary Worth 2/27/11

"How dare Sarah 'like' my relationship status. I'll show her. I will untag her in all of my pictures and write a Twitter diatribe about how much of a bitch she is."

Here are couple strips that I just found really funny.

Pickles

In the Sticks

Brewster Rockit: Space Guy

Momma

In Francis' defense, he did read "A Tale of Two Cities" and anyone from my generation and younger that can read an entire book by Charles Dickens deserves praise.

Blondie 2/20/11

Twitter has really been making the rounds in the comics lately (psst.  you can follow the DCR and it's authors on Twitter as well) so of course it has to make its way into the Bumstead's lives as well.  Whereas Mary Worth just seemed skeptical about the Internet and all of it's shiny flashy ads, Dagwood is overreacting and is afraid that if he says or does something stupid that a pair of Internet goons will drag him away to be "rehabilitated".

Gasoline Alley

That's not how 3D TVs work. Also, is 3DTV really going to become the next big thing? Somehow I doubt that because there is not enough stuff being broadcast in 3D--ESPN has an entire channel dedicated to 3D but I'm already paying enough for ESPN through my cable bill.

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Typographical Errors

Well, it's that time again when I take a break from my duties at the Meekrat Entertainment Group and blather on about comic strips. Let's get to it, shall we?

Compu-Toon

The first thing that struck me about this panel was that the joke is sort of clever. Of course a wireless network would work at a wire company, though that's not why this is posted here. For one, the caption seems clumsily written. If they just replaced the "if" with the "that", it would read better, though it may not be grammatically correct. Second, all the words in the panel are skewed. The type at the bottom should be slanted to match the sign, and the lettering on the door is a bit better, though not perfect. Also, "We sale all types of wires"? I'm going out on a limb and guessing this is another "Yenny" type incident, where the strip's grammatical and typographical mistakes stems from the strip being produced in a non-English language. If not, there's really no reason for a syndicated strip to be so lazy.

Gasoline Alley

On a semi-related note, this joke only makes sense if Slim hasn't been reliably portrayed as a well-meaning but slightly dim character every other time I've seen him in this strip. There's no way on Earth he'd be confused about the double meaning of fine.

Spider-Man

Meanwhile, it looks like the marriage I've been pushing for is going to be dashed by a rampaging monster, hopefully Fin Fang Foom but likely not him. Chances are, the Mole Man will either vanish, leading Aunt May to return to the surface a heart-broken mess, or Aunt May will realize the constant danger she might be in living underground and call off the wedding. In either case, I won't be happy.

Crock and Piranha Club


I leave you with two strips about rump roast. Bizarre? Yes.

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Awesome Sunday Comics*

Why does Comics.com send out the comic strip email so late? I know I could just go to their site and read the comics there but I shouldn't have to. That's why I have them send the email to me.

I was going to post the comics that mentioned the Oscars today but I'm against the Oscars this year since they basically nominated every movie that came out this year for Best Picture. Yes, I understand "The Dark Knight" not getting nominated was very heartbreaking but jumping from five nominees to ten just seems stupid. Why not six or seven?

Gasoline Alley 3/7/10

HAHAHAHA!!! Then Cain slew Abel. The Bible is full of fun, lighthearted stories like that.

Dog Eat Doug 3/7/10

At first I thought those animals were kangaroos but then I realized they must be deer. Right? They are deer, right?

And what happened to the snow we see in the second, third and fourth panel?

Curtis 3/7/10

I think Curtis is slightly overreacting to his hatred of the word "awesome". It's just a word and I think, like "cool", it's here to stay.

Doodles 3/7/10

Um, I guess that's one way you could leave the dragon's stomach.

Family Circus 3/7/10

Why do Bil and Jeff continue to make strips that just perpetuate the already universal hatred of Jeffy?

Mary Worth 3/7/10

So Mary Worth did absolutely nothing to solve this problem? Somehow I think she'll still be able to lecture Dawn and Wilbur though.

La Cucuracha 3/7/10

Yeah, the Na'vi don't really exist. It was just a movie. They will not actually be at the Oscars. (At least I hope not.)

Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids 3/7/10

Okay, Slylock has given up trying to help the idiotic denizens of Forest City and has just started making stuff up.

*Not technically awesome

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