Very Bored Fish

Animal Crackers

I think there is supposed to be a joke in here somewhere...


Baldo

Or just wait here another few minutes while we continue with the wisecracks; when you collapse from whatever is ailing you somebody will call an ambulance probably.

Big Nate

Sigh. Another cartoonist's fantasy of relevance/coolness.  "Really? Are you famous?" is a reaction I don't think anyone would have to discovering doodles in someone's notebook.

The Born Loser

"Mathlete" is a term that already exists.  This kid is not being clever at all.  I guess that's just another example of Born Loserdom.

The Grizzwells

So not only can these bears speak, they're training themselves to be multilingual.  My head hurts.

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It's a Griffin!

Adam@Home

Eagle//lion hybrid?  That's just a Griffin.  Surely Clayton is smart enough to know what one is.

Animal Crackers

The joke doesn't work here because there is no misdirection.  What other number could the trampled moose/deer thing have given?  A DMV license number branded on the asses of the herd?

Candorville

The skid mark will haunt Lemont's dreams for months to come.

Pickles

It means you piss your pants, Nelson.  Old people have very poor bladder control.

The Grizzwells

Quick question:  why does the lady bear wear clothes but no one else in this strip does?  Perhaps she is the only character with any sense of shame.

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Paying for College

Adam@Home

"...And given that they've probably inherited my physical capabilities, athletic scholarships are also out of the question.  Oh well, I guess I'll have to finance their education with my baby ventriloquism act."

The Argyle Sweater

Ug.  That's three terrible puns in a single panel.  That has to be some kind of record.

Bliss

Okay, it's not a deer, so what is it?  A person?  A bear?  Judging from the kid's expression, perhaps it was his favorite superhero?  We'll never know.  That's Bliss for you.

Broom Hilda

Is Broom Hilda so hard up for compliments that when a cashier merely verifies the painfully obvious (given Hilda's grotesque physical appearance) that she flies broomlessly through the air to plant a kiss on said cashier?  What a wretched life indeed.

Cornered
 
Um... it's called a "deposit."

The Grizzwells

Actually, what's creepy is the lady porcupine's weird boob-lumps.

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Wednesday Roundup

Animal Crackers

You can't go home again because your home has been ruthlessly destroyed by loggers.

Baldo

I love this little girl's positive attitude, but dirt sprinkles are pretty gross.

Cornered

Wow.  This is kind of dark for the comics page.  I guess it's funny because this guy is very stubborn,  even after death.

Freshly Squeezed

Nate gets trapped in his fantasy world and starves to death.

The Grizzwells

It's already well established that these two are rather lazy, so it's nice to see a strip that focuses on their stupidity.

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Hair Pulling and Ugly Cats

Andy Capp

It's broad daylight and Andy is already so drunk he fell in a canal.  And not for the first time too.  No wonder this policeman is so fed up he left Andy to drown.

Arlo and Janis

This has to be the ugliest cat in all the comics.

Big Nate

Trichotillomania is a serious condition, and judging by his hairline, Nate's hair pulling is not limited to his eyelashes. He should seek treatment before it gets any worse.

The Born Loser

Ah, this explains so much.

Love Is

Love is... letting the house burn down while you are busy making whoopy in the next room.

The Grizzwells

Whoa.  Such an angry outburst from the bear.  Could this be the beginning of a breakdown in their relationship?  One that ends with the bear finally eating the porcupine?  We can only hope.

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Milk Comes From Cows

Baldo

Yes, milk comes from cows. Bwahahahhaha!

Betty

Whoa.  Of all the job loss story lines that have been proliferating through the comics lately, I'd have to say that Betty being laid off by her best friend is the harshest.  I mean, it wasn't even that long ago that Alex was hired by Betty's company.

Herb and Jamaal

I guess according the creators of Herb and Jamaal, wearing "expensive designer logo clothes" means dressing up like Kim Jong Il.

Luann

Luann:  the only comic strip that makes sexual awkwardness a staple.

The Grizzwells

Finally, a clear job description for the daily grind of these two characters: eat, sleep.  Now, what do they do in their time off?

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Creepy Ponytails and Deodorant Trees

Betty

I'm not sure if the hipster glasses and the creepy ponytail are supposed to visually signify that this waiter is also a writer—I've noticed that the ancillary characters in this strip tend to have weird hair and looks.  Last week we saw squiggly hair guy; this week it's unfashionable ponytail man.

F Minus

What cracks me up is the thumbs-up and slight smile from the guy washing the dishes.  "No worries, I'm no threat to you, I'm just here to wash the dishes and perform other household chores... oh, and to have sex with your wife."

Love Is

Maybe if he had skills other than staring, love-struck, into his androgynous cherub soul-mate's eyes, he'd be more employable.

The Grizzwells

Good to know:  the critters in this strip are lazy and they smell bad.

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It Doesn't Matter If You're Black and White

Animal Crackers

Well, everything in your world IS in black and white, Mr. Unidentifiable-Animal-Thing.  Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the coloring book "industry"—I'm sure the publishing companies that spit out those toddler scribble pages have varied enough projects that they'll survive the Color Apocalypse.  Now, the Crayon Industry on the other hand...

Ballard Street

I shudder to think of what horrid mound of white flesh is disturbing enough to freak out that poor dog.

Betty

Whoa!  Did Betty's friend just give her a not-so-subtle jab there at the end? "Surprise, surprise.  I'm intelligent and well-spoken, unlike some people *cough*you*cough*. 'Funny friend' my ass!"

The Flying McCoys

Yes, this was a Superman diarrhea joke.  Fun times.

The Grizzwells

I guess it should come as no surprise that the bear's laziness extends to his parenting as well.  "The little tyke has been so annoying lately, I think I'll just avoid him altogether.  Ah... I feel better. I must be doing a good job!"

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Morbid Obesity and Shaq Carpeting

Baldo

Tia Carmen is old—a few nips from the bottle won't hurt her much probably.  Cruz, on the other hand, is developing terrible habits that could lead to severe health problems down the road.  Look at his heavy-lidded stare in panels one and two:  just a teenager and already his obesity has made him listless and lethargic!

The Born Looser

"And on a totally unrelated note: if the neighbor calls, I may have set some these eggs free on his house."

Bound and Gagged

What's the joke here? I guess it's funny because vampires sleep every day in a confined space, thus making the doctor's question rather silly.  I was going to suggest that a doctor performing a blood test while also asking the vampire if he's squeamish at the sight of blood might be a more obvious execution of this gag, but then I remembered that vampires don't have their own blood, so never mind.

Brevity

Does anyone actually choose to install shag carpeting these days?  Rather retro-ish, no?  Regardless, having multiple etchings from the Kazaam poster on your floor is surely an improvement.

Lola

What's Lola doing picking up coffee on her way to a coffee shop?  Makes no sense!

The Grizzwells

So did the bear and porcupine find the fish in the garbage or did they catch it somewhere else and just like hanging around a turned over trashcan?  Knowing how lazy these guys are, my bet is that they raided the trash for the fish.  But who throws away whole fish?  By all rights, these two should have starved to death long ago.

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Botox and Snaggleteeth

Betty

So there are no smile lines on the boss's face even while she is in the act of smiling? That is scary. That's a lot of botox.

Big Nate

Speaking of scary body parts, here is Nate's short, tubby friend with an exploding nose. That isn't his nose and freckles are you are seeing—it's his right ear and the scarred remains of his once proud proboscus.

Big Top

Ug. This kind of rampant animal sexuality is usually reserved for The Grizzwells. Disturbing.

Freshly Squeezed

I don't know about you, but I find broken families to be HILARIOUS.

Jump Start

It seems like Joe is implying that his "Guy Talk" with Clarence usually devolves into Clarence revealing his man-crushes on various snaggletoothed celebrities. What I want to know is if Clarence is so asexual that he only takes pleasure in the prospect of such a big job, or if he really has some weird crooked-tooth fetish where is career is just a means of putting him into contact with his perverse desires. Either way, I think it's time Joe found somebody new to hang out with.

The Grizzwells

Ah, finally some implied violence from a strip about a bear that hangs out with various edible forest critters. I think the bear is much too lazy to act on his urge to nibble on the insides of his porcupine companion; though just to be safe, Pierpont might want to go into hiding for a few days.

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