Horrors Unbeholden

Meekrat here, taking a break from making comics for the DCR because I need to figure out a way to do it that meshes well with a thrice-weekly comic. Still reviewing them, though, so here it is:

Prickly City, 05/10/2012:

From the first time I read this strip on the Houston Chronicle's site, I have hated it. Not as much as certain other comic strips (I'm looking at you, Edison Lee) but it's still a pretty terrible example of how to do a political comic strip. It's heavy-handed with unlikable characters, and while it's been trying, bless its heart, it's not nearly enough. For example, this week we've been looking into Winslow the Coyote's history that no one asked or cared about and is proving to be him inserting himself into various media properties awkwardly. Today, it's a poor mesh of "The Godfather" and "Bonnie and Clyde". About the only redeeming thing is that Carmen readily acknowledges that no one cares. It's entirely possible that if this strip was more self-aware then it would be better overall. Perhaps in a year I won't hate it so much. We shall see, I suppose.

Crankshaft, 05/10/2012:

Meanwhile, we have this Crankshaft which has always been one of those comics which exist but are only really on my radar because of where it takes place and how relentlessly grim they are. Today, for example, we're forced to contemplate an elderly woman in lingerie and, unless I'm misreading the second panel, the fact that Crankshaft likes to wear lingerie as well. Yes, you could argue that he simply admires it on its intended audience, but this is Crankshaft we're talking about. Anything he can do to undermine happiness will be done.

Break of Day/Bizarro: 05/10/2012

Finally, we have two comic strips that feature Frankenstein's Monster holding drinks. This sort of synergy is always interesting to behold. Retired Frankenstein looks very melancholic, though.

That's it. I might be back with a comic-like thing next week, but if you really want to see new comics from me, just go to my Emporium of Nonsensery.

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Odds and Ends

Happy Monday everyone. Hope all had a great Super Bowl weekend and looking forward to the start of another week. Winter has been balmy here in the Midwest so far and hoping it stays that way for a while.

Bizarro

Kind of a cute idea but the first line really bothers me with "Those Cuban dudes sat on me all day again". Since this is supposed to be Che Guevara's motorcycle, why are multiple people sitting on it? Do they take turns riding it? I have this image of the revolutionaries in the jungle going "Pick me! Pick me! My turn to ride it.".

Hi and Lois

.....and what your mom has to do to make money, we won't even discuss with you.

Mary Worth

Behold! The magic color changing walls of Mary Worth's apartment! First it's black and then it is a rather odd off-gray. Amazing! And what is on that bookshelf behind Nola? Is it a tomato, a pin cushion or some new tv set with an old fashioned atenna?

Hazel

Has the creator of Hazel ever actually owned or seen a cat? Good luck (a) trying to get them to wait at a line for some pre-determined start and (b) have them actually race at once for anything. And I love it's the second annual cat race, 'cause the first one was such a success.

Andy Capp

It's an old joke, but this one made me chuckle.

Have a great week, everyone!

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Recalculating....

What a beautiful day...at least in my neck of the woods.  Which mean tomorrow it will snow.  We'll lead off this entry with today's Garfield which will segue into some shameless self-promotion.

Garfield

I don't know what made Jon think he is handy around the house.  But at least we know Garfield has a Facebook page.  You know who else has a FB page?  Meekrat, Dog Spelled Forward, The Bird Feeder, Stupid Inventor and the DCR itself.  For some reason, I used to have one then got rid of it.  Maybe I will bring it back someday.  We all also have Twitter however @theDCR hasn't been updated since July 27, 2010.

Todd the Dinosaur

Instead of making a joke about eating dolphins and pandas, I would contact the grocery store manager who would kindly ask these two douchebags to get off his property.  I mean, it is clear that they approaching people in the parking lot.  Then I would mention dolphins and pandas.

Crock

Yeah.  Okay.  I guess this is kind of topical...

Bizarro

I love the Mayhem commercials from All State.  That's really all I have to say about this panel.

Hi and Lois

Along with it being the vernal equinox, tonight is also when the Devil visits Stull Cemetery.  I notice Hi doesn't mention that.

Wee Pals

The kids in Wee Pals are way too touchy about everyday phrases.  Even the handicapped/disabled girl in the chair seems very upset and offended that that boy is using the phrase "handicap" correctly!!

Family Circus

Great.  Those dogs are eating chocolate.  Now they are going to die.

New Adventures of Queen Victoria

Using the formula of comic book characters can use powers while the Archie and Newspaper side use popularity, my Final Four is Green Lantern, The Hulk, Jughead and, reluctantly, Calvin with Hulk and Calvin being the champions (based on popularity).  Who would win the championship...I'd go with Calvin.  What would your Final Four and such be?  Let us know in the comments.

Ziggy

Does Ziggy now live in a dystopian future that looks eerily like three weeks from now?

Wait.  On the bracket, are the Wee Folks the same as Wee Pals?

A quick search reveals 'Yes.  Yes it is.'

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As I was going through the comics today, I noticed FoxTrot was a little different. First of all, it was in Spanish so I couldn't understand it but I powered through it thinking there was going to be a great joke at the end...

But there wasn't so I went to foxtrot.com and saw that GoComics sent the email with the Spanish version. They also did this with Stone Soup but I didn't look at the English version of that.


Lockhorns 12/5/10

I don't know what happened to Loretta in the first panel but it's good to know a case of amnesia isn't clouding her hatred of Leroy.

It's good that Leroy beat her so hard that she forgot what happened so now she won't be able to press charges against him.

Close to Home 12/5/10

I don't get this. What's going on?

Wee Pals 12/5/10

I hate Wee Pals.

Bizarro 12/5/10

Won't somebody think of the children!?!

Hey, let's go see what going on over in Heathcliff

OH, DEAR GOD!! WHAT IS GOING ON?! BURN IT! SEND IT TO HELL!!

Ink Pen 12/5/10

P.J. got tall. And speaking of Family Circus...


I love all the looks on the kids' faces. It looks like they are all doing it for retribution and revenge. "How dare you drool on my pillow" (Mar), "How dare you be born therefore becoming the youngest." (Apr), "How dare Daddy spend more time in the garden than with me." (May), "I'm sick of brown dogs, white is better!" (July), "Qing Dynasty vases pale in comparison to Ming." (Oct), "This ponytail does not pass muster." (Nov)

Birdbrains 12/5/10

Ha! Bailout jokes are just as topical now as they were back in 2008.

Mary Worth 12/5/10

Who else reading Mary Worth is tired of Jill badmouthing marriage? Look, Jill, just because your marriage failed and you soften the pain with meaningless sex and booze doesn't mean everybody's marriage will fail. Have you ever thought that maybe your marriage failed because you are a bitch? No? Well, I suggest you think about that.

Born Loser 12/5/10

And Brutus is the master nitwit. Oh, yeah. I went there.

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Toast and tweets.

Arkholt is back with more comic blurbs, guaranteed to amuse and excite!

Todd the Dinosaur:

The kids obviously only need half a day in order to get so smart.  The juice breaks and nap times are the key, of course.  Kids don't learn as much in higher grades because they don't get them.  We ought to institute juice breaks and nap times for all grades.  I'm writing my senator.

Bizarro:

Have you ever considered trimming it for me as long as you're up there?

Pardon My Planet:

I prefer peanut butter and jelly commandments, myself.  I put butter on my Jesus and Virgin Mary toast.

Candorville:

 
Maybe it's just me, but this seems a bit lazy.  It's kind of interesting when it's done once, but when it's done over and over again it just seems silly.  There's already a TV sitcom about somebody's tweets.  We don't need a comic strip based on it.  Mr. Bell, please try harder next time.

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The week begins, and how better to begin your week than with Arkholt giving you some moderately amusing comic blurbs?

Grin and Bear It:

What Senator Snort doesn't realize is that gravy trains can be retrofitted to run solely on gravy.  No need for a battery even.  It's a proven fact that gravy produces electricity when given the right motivation.  Unfortunately, no one knows yet what exactly that motivation is.  More study is needed.

Moose and Molly:

If he moved, and the building's being demolished, you think they'd remove the sign and the doorway.  If I was the big guy with the hat, I'd take the sign home and hang it on the front of my house so people thought I was an eye doctor.  I may have to do an actual eye exam or two to keep up the ruse, but how hard is it to shine a light in someone's eyes?

Bizarro:

Last time I did a Bizarro panel I made a fool of myself by not knowing about the hidden "symbols." I don't read Bizarro that much...  This one caught my eye, though.  I get the point, but here's my question: Where does the power cord for the projector go?  That's not easily answered by posting a Wikipedia link, unlike my previous Bizarro question.

Crock:

"Have you ever been...?" Does this imply that it's just around somewhere and you can get on if you want?  It appears you can only go on if you have a counterpart of the opposite gender with you.  Is this some side business that Noah is running?  Also, what's with the tent/igloo made of sand?  I guess it must stay cool in there.

Ollie and Quentin:

Not men, but in fact barbershop singing worms.  They could have been a quartet, but the other worm didn't feel like joining in, I guess.  Perhaps they'll fall into a pond and be some lucky fish's lunch.

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The best way to ruin a kid's day: shoot him out of a cannon.

The weekend is here, which means you people get to hear from the infamous Arkholt.  Today's strips are in a particular order, but you have to figure out which.

Wizard of Id:

Because, of course, those two guard/soldier guys won't fit in that tiny cannon they have there, and the jester will.  The king would as well, but we can't fire the king at the enemy, can we?  Why they only have one cannon confuses me a bit, but the attacking army doesn't look that large so it should be enough.

Garfield:

When they're angry, don't cats usually hiss instead of meow?  Or at least "mMMRRrrOOWOOWWW!!!" instead of meow?  Or just bite, scratch, and claw instead of making any noises at all?

Only other thing I have to say about this one is I'd love to see it as a Garfield minus Garfield.

Rhymes with Orange:

He's in for a surprise when he gets to the coal and nuclear plant putts.  Those ones are tough.  The coal plant one has a hole that is extremely difficult to see due to the smog, and the nuclear plant one may cause your body to mutate into a bodily shape that may make it extremely difficult to play golf.

Comics for Kids:

If I was drawing one of these, I'd definitely make it incredibly difficult.  For instance, the only difference would be the absence of one of the tiny hairs on his face.  I'd also make sure to more thoroughly cover his face with little hairs.  Then they'd never be able to figure it out.  Even if they looked at the answer, many kids would look for hours to find out what the difference was.  When they finally see it, they'll show it to their parents insisting that that's the difference.  The parents will say "No, that can't be right.  Look again." Then they'll tear up their newspaper and storm off to their room, an entire day wasted.

Okay, fine, I wouldn't do that.  No reason to ruin a kid's day over a drooling pirate.

Bizarro:

One question here: What's up with the hidden eyeball, alien spaceship, dynamite, and pie?

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Today Only! Lois Lane and Billy Mays

Got home late today therefore it will be pretty short today.  Happy and safe Memorial Day to everyone.

Funky Winkerbean 5/30/10

I was always more of a fan of Lana than Lois.  Lois seemed aggressive and kind of a bitch.  Also, what are the odds that the women would wear the exact same clothes as Lois and Lana on the exact same day?  That's one weird kind of coordination.

Bizarro 5/30/10

Nothing to say.  I thought this was funny.

Beetle Bailey 5/30/10

Yeah, you better get on your knees and thank God for those soldiers who are actually shipped out unlike the troops at Camp Swampy.

Family Circus 5/30/10

Does anyone else here think the Keane's Nintendo Wii is the old NES from the '80s?

$5 says Dolly is the first Keane child strangled by this babysitter.

Mother Goose and Grimm 5/30/10

Nothing to say about this one either, I just wanted to post this:

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And to think... I used to like Mother Goose and Grimm

You missed me... right? I was out on vacation and I hope you didn't forget about Mondays and Tuesdays while I was gone. Because if you did, you're probably fired from your job already...

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee (05.17.10)

For starters... a catapult?! Are you shooting me into a lake or just an open field? Let's talk parameters here. If we're going into a lake... um, heck yes. Worth the $5. If it's into an open field where my body will be crushed, bruised, torn and ultimately eaten by vultures... Yeah... I'll just watch someone else do it.

To say that all entrepreneurial spirit is thwarted by informed consumers is just a symptom of you being a liar and a cheat. If you have an honest product to sell, then people will buy your stuff, even if they know what it is! *GASP*

Bizarro (05.17.10)

This is included because it's funny, but also because this guy's cubicle is lined with things that tell me that you don't want to be the one criticizing him. He's got a poster of dynamite, an eyeball and loafers... this guy is a ticking time bomb of crazy and you want to be the one that brought him a cupcake on his birthday so he doesn't mow you down with his AK-47 the day he finally snaps.

Just sayin'.

Mutts (05.17.10)

I honestly wish this is how my dog would shed. Seriously. This way, you could just clean it up one day and be done with it. BUT NOOOO... Dogs actually like to shed infinitely so that your house is a constant dog-awareness alarm.

Sin Chix (05.17.10)

"And, after thousands of years of degradation, I'll get a whole museum!"

Mother Goose & Grimm (05.17.10)

How long has it been since Sixth Sense came out? And when were the Dead Sea Scrolls found? Not to mention if you want to get technical about the fact that the scrolls were found in the MOUNTAINS and not near a strange grassy paradise... As if the "I see dead ______" hadn't been utterly beaten to death by EVERYONE about 10 years ago... we have to rehash it again with a horrendous Dead Sea Scrolls reference?

That deserves a HUGE, "WTH?!"

The end.

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