Friday Funnies

by Hal Bent

Happy Friday, I know I need a chuckle or three after a long work week. Of course, the humor is more likely  to be the snark humor after reading unfunny after unfunny comic. 


Farcus by David Waisglass and Gordon Coulthart:

It's funny because...umm, oh wait, it's not funny at all.  He is too dumb to go to the supermarket? He thinks canned fish live that way in the wild?  Is this a scathing denouncement of the American educational system that lags behind other nations in teaching science? This is really not humor, but commentary on America and it's role as a lagging superpower? No, I guess, it's just not funny.


Ben by Daniel Shelton:

Nothing funny at all about this comic.  I think this is a primer for the elderly readers (I'd say "fans", but are there any people who consider themselves "Ben fans"?  I imagine if I looked like the character, I might find it kind of a big deal, but otherwise...).  "How to unload your horrible junk in a yard sale since you cannot figure out eBay to save your life" is likely what the creator had in mind when writing and drawing this turd, I mean unfunny crap, I mean comic. 


Flo and Friends by Jenny Campbell:

Not to get all off-topic or anything, but when I was in college, I barely made over minimum wage, had no savings, no credit, was working to pay for school, movies and dates with my Sweetie-Pie, gas, groceries, and lots of beer, and somehow was pre-approved for a couple hundred credit cards.  I would sign up for the cards on my way between classes because they lured you in with a giant bag of Peanut M&Ms and that would be my free lunch for the day.  Paid for all those M&Ms later in life when I tried to buy our first house (bank didn't like all those credit cards in my shoebox under the bed) and being diagnosed with diabetes.


Last Kiss by John Lustig:

Bwahh-hahhh-hahhhh! As usual, Last Kiss steps up with some real humor. I am finally content with the comics this Friday with actually found a funny!

Read more...

The Daily Comics Review: Manic Monday

by Hal Bent

I realized today reading the comic strips, that a number of them seemed to have left off a panel or cut off the text a bit early.  So today I decided it was time to be charitable and finish the strips for the creators.

Andertoons by Mark Anderson:

...it was one of those babies from your child smuggling ring that crawled away.


Ziggy by Tom Wilson & Tom II:

...and the police are on their way to arrest you, you pants-less creep!


Zack Hill by John Deering:

...and now he's humping my leg. Thanks, you jerk.


Thin Lines by Randy Glasbergen:

...besides, your cholesterol is so high you'll be dead next week, so eat whatever the hell you want.


Rose is Rose by Don Wimmer / Created by Pat Brady:

...and I could get the hell away from my annoying wife and idiot kid for a few precious minutes each day.


Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich:

...What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a couple of hard, pipe-hittin' niggas to go to work on homes here with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.



Last Kiss by John Lustig:

that's right, I am different, Biff--I KNOW you're a whiny loser!


It's All About You by Tony Murphy:

..except for that weekend I went out for drinks with Larry on Friday night and he slipped me a rufinol cocktail and I woke up Sunday night in an alley---I shudder to imagine, but I got caught up on my rest for sure!.  

Read more...

The Daily Comics Review: Friday Funnies

by Hal Bent 

Friday is so named because by the end of the week I am much in need of a dash of humor after a long week of work. Sadly, these being newspaper comics, it is usually suppressed by snark. Be that as it may, let's kick of today's Daily Comics Review:

Herb and Jamaal by Stephen Bentley:

I truly detest Herb (and to be fair, I detest Jamaal as well) and not just because of his hideous little mustache poking out the sides of his nose (or are those just aggressive nose hairs?).  This little slice of his horrible life married to Sarah, who knows she cannot compete with Herb's love of Jamaal, is yet another example of a strip that someone, somewhere must have found humorous, but I find myself unable to garner a chuckle. That is, until I realized that what Herb said was not referenced and assumed he was making a comment to her about introducing his best friend and business partner, Jamaal (not in the strip today), into their bedroom. Then, his ham-handed apology at least makes a semblance of sense and has a pinch of bawdy humor to go with it.


Last Kiss by John Lustig:

When in doubt looking for humor, I turn to John Lustig's "Last Kiss". A great sense of humor, classic comic book art, and his uncanny ability to replace the dialogue with something actually funny.  


Pibgorn by Brooke McEldowney:

If you can't be funny, have incredible artwork. 

Read more...

Another Rough Day at the Gym

Happy Monday, everyone.  Hope everyone had a super Super Bowl Sunday yesterday.  Monday means new comics, so let's jump into it.  And in case I forget to say it later, thanks so much for stopping by!

Bliss by Harry Bliss and Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich:

This is great for everyone with the gym membership that, 5 weeks into the new year, is already dormant and unused.  I always hated going to the gym.  These two comics sum up two of the most annoying aspects of the hated gym experience: muscle-bound phys. ed. majors hitting on your girl at the gym and fat asses on the exer-bike.  If Bliss was drawn at another angle, you'd see "Mr. Benches 250" flexing his arm as he feels up some guys girlfriend as part of his "job duty".  Of course, in Real Life Adventures the blond wife was at the same gym with the same trainer....she was loving all that attention she doesn't get from tubby here.  A different angle, and you'd see the Cheetos, ding-dongs, ho-ho's and beer on the side table.  Why go to the gym when she can see the sweaty butt prints on tubby's chair when he drags himself to the bathroom for his only strenuous activity of the day.

*

 The Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom:

Yeah, there was something wrong with the first honeymoon, Buddy.  Big problems! (It's funny because the Born Loser has erectile dysfunction.)

*



Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos:

Is Baldo still in high school?  Is his father that annoyed with his kid that he's desperately trying to  marry him off and get him out of his hair?  There's a girl you like? Let me tell you about my experience.  Too bad it ended at four panels, add another two and you'd have: PANEL FIVE: Of course, the honeymoon was horrible." PANEL SIX: I had erectile dysfunction like that Born Loser!"

Seriously, look at that expression on the father's face when his son wants to have a serious father-son talk.  He hates this kid.  He wants no part of this conversation.  Do you get the impression that Baldo tries to have these talks every thirty minutes? Earlier that day, the conversation went: BALDO: "Dad, can we talk? I was pleasuring myself yesterday with your mustache scissors..."

*




Free Range by Bill Whitehead:

Wait a sec, where is her voice coming from?  Is it coming from his...It is! Way to kick it up a notch, Free Range!

*

Angry Little Girls by Lela Lee:

"I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Looking for love in too many places."  Nothing like a little 1980 country music by Johnny Lee from the Urban Cowboy soundtrack.  Of course, maybe little blond girl needs to stop being so negative. Or stop looking so hard and coming across as desperate.  Maybe she's unlikable.  How does she treat her friends?  Maybe she should hang out at the gym.  I bet there's a personal trainer more than happy to feel her up.

*


Café con Leche by Charlos Gary:

Wait, was this idiot with the 1990's hipster goatee was passed out the last six months?  That's a significant baby bump.  Gotta be looking about six months pregnant there.  Where the heck is he going? Buying baby clothes? That's what I did.  Potency! Virility! Manliness!  Shout it from the rooftops. This guy is disgrace to real men.  Either that, or he knows she just got back from three months abroad.

*

Last Kiss by John Lustig:

I have to put Last Kiss on here because I've been such a fan of the strip for so long.  John Lustig  bought the rights to a bunch of old romance comics and has been re-writing them with his unique humor.  (Plus, he accepted my Facebook friend request! Tee-hee,giddy fan boy alert!)  Consistently funny, always unique. Give him a read here: http://www.lastkisscomics.com

* * *

OK, now I'm done. Thanks as always for reading! (Hey, I remembered.)

Read more...

Monday Means Meekrat

It's Monday, and Monday means Meekrat!

Last Kiss

The only way the Hulk wouldn't pass a drug test would be if that drug test tested for gamma radiation.

Drabble

I've never been to an amusement park with single rider lines, but it just seems like a terrible idea that people would continually take advantage of.

The Doozies

Today was sort of slim pickings, but I didn't want to just put two things up here and be done with this. So yeah, this Doozie guy is sort of a punk if a little bird like that can strong-arm his camera away.

Read more...

RRAWR!!

Another glorious Wednesday has come! Well maybe not glorious, but it is Wednesday.

I don't usually plug my own stuff, but if you like what you see here on Wednesdays you should go here, where you can find stuff that's mostly like this here. Also, other things!



TOBY 1/13/10

Insane electronic pimp is now a part of my vocabulary. Thank you Corey Pandolph, thank you.

The City 1/13/10

I find this to be an accurate depiction of former Vice President Dick Cheney. Maybe a little exaggerated, but not much.



Last Kiss 1/13/10

I'm not sure what the hell is going on, I just like the spiky word balloon.



Garfield Minus Garfield 1/13/10

Garfield minus Garfield only works when Garfield is an essential part of the comic. This particular strip doesn't change at all when Garfield is removed.

I think this one should have added Odie doing something. That could be a new thing right? Garfield Plus Odie. That might have potential.

Read more...

Some Awesome Stuff, Then Some Other Stuff

Sorry about the late post. I swear, it's not you - it's me.

Last Kiss 11/23/09

Here is your first awesome thing in today's post, presuming you appreciate boobs (everyone should).

Bliss 11/23/09

That bird looks.... delicious. Unbeknownst to most people turkeys actually are one of the top five ugliest creatures currently in existence. If not for their tastiness they would have been wiped from the planet much like the ugly ass dodo and people who had mullets in the 80s.


Non Sequitur 11/23/09

A contest? Go forth DCR devotees and scare the world with your inappropriate suggestions!

Brainwaves 11/23/09

We had an awesome bird two comics back, so here we have 2 birds that are so fat there is no way they could achieve take-off. I'm not size-ist or nothin, but that lady-bird friend of yours might have left for some other reason than the song thing. Just saying.

Birdbrains 11/23/09

GOOD GOD THAT IS HORRIFYING!

Cul De Sac 11/23/09

And now you feel like you're hallucinating. I think my work today is done.

Read more...

Wednesday is the new Tuesday

Tuesday has come and gone leaving us with a Wednesday. Sorry about the other day but my computer was acting up and I lost my portal to the internet. My neighbor isn't getting service anymore. I'll figure something out. Today is extra large to make up for yesterday.



It's All About You 10/21/09

Are people really this petty? Would you go through all that work simply to win an argument? I wouldn't, not when I could just ignore the other person completely. That way I avoid an argument and cleaning. I am a genius.



Daddy's Home 10/21/09

This joke was almost funny when I saw it on a TV commercial 4 or 5 months ago.

The switcheroo doesn't work very well in comic strips in general and Daddy's Home has not shown the quality of writing to pull it off. I move to kill this strip immediately for going beyond it's bounds.



Garfield 10/21/09

How large is Garfield anyway? Most of the time he doesn't seem to be much larger than an average house cat, but one of the standby jokes is how enormous he is. And is he sitting on a stool when they are at the counter/table/whatever the hell they're at? Because if he's not, then he is really tall.



The Doozies 10/21/09

The setup for this joke is pretty terrible. The punchline has little to do with the first two panels other than the invisible guy likes to be naked.

Think of all the potentially naked invisible people around you right now. Makes you wonder if the schizophrenics know something we don't.



Last Kiss 10/21/09

I like Last Kiss, but this joke was old many moons ago.

The caption could make a great science fiction movie though. It would be about a supermodel that accidentally eats too many calories and grows to gigantic proportions and then destroys the city. It would only be shown in drive-in theaters to maximize the 1950's feel. Too bad there are only about 10 drive-ins left in the world.



Bizarro 10/21/09

Also known as a siezure. Somebody should call an ambulance.

Read more...

Plenty of Tongue

It's the last day of September. Only 86 more days 'till Christmas! Better start shopping now or you'll never get done.


The Boiling Point 9/30/09

Why is he shitting in the woods? Is he the Pope or something?



Bozo 9/30/09

This is one of subtlest jokes I've seen. I think most people that aren't English majors will miss it.



The Last Kiss 9/30/09

The last panel was subtle, but this one shouts the joke at you.

That's one reason I like The Last Kiss, it isn't afraid to put the punchline right in front of you. I'm not sure how it manages to get bestiality jokes past an editor though.

Read more...

Single Panel Madness

The Flying McCoys 9/16/09

A fart joke? Really? And why are those three guys all close together and away from the one guy? Is he naked or something? That would be awkward.

Nude and farting in a tub of water with other men. Gives me the willys.

Still not as awkward as this.



The Quigmans 9/16/09

That's not a personal pan pizza. That's a regular pizza. Probably an extra-large from the looks of it.

What's the difference you might ask? Well, a personal pan pizza is generally small and designed for one person to eat it quite easily. The pizza depicted would not qualify as a personal pizza because most human beings would not be able to comfortably eat the entire thing.

Also, you can't replace a relationship with a person with a food item. Believe me, I've tried. The logistics just don't work.



The Last Kiss 9/16/09

To be fair, you can't really tell that soon anyway.

And what kind of family keeps track of that? A pretty fucked up one if you ask me, and you did because I'm the only one here.

Read more...

Come one, come all!

Watch in awe and amazement as I start off coherently remarking upon comic strips, gradually slipping into incoherent babble and stream-of-consciousness, ending with the flourish of imagining that a comic strip was written to personally slight me! Oh, it shall be great fun for all*!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/24/09

If you have all your teeth and a full head of hair, you too can travel to Appalachia and have your pick of any woman there. In fact, from this strip, it looks like that guy won't have to pick. He can have them all, if he so chose, perhaps at once. The parson is understandably upset by this.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/24/09

Cindy Summers will undoubtedly die in Iraq. Either that, or she'll be captured by a terrorist cell and then fashion for herself a suit of technologically advanced armor which she shall use to save her own life and fight for the greater good.

Oh, wait, this is Funky Winkerbean. She's going to die. She is so going to die.

Retail, 7/24/09

Oh god. My job involves a folding board, and the stupid thing is basically useless because, unless you do it exactly right, it causes every shirt to become just a bit unfolded when you're done using it. Furthermore, 98% of the time the customers will just come in and mess up all the shirts anyway. So the folding board is useless, except maybe as an exceptionally shoddy weapon. What I'm saying is that Val should totally smack that guy with the folding board.

Last Kiss, 7/24/09

If the snake was radioactive, wouldn't it be just about dead too? Or perhaps the radioactivity just gave it the power to speak with Lucille Ball. Which, I'm guessing, is not a super-power a snake would want to have.

Mike Luckovich, 7/24/09

This is just in poor taste, as the man hasn't been dead for even a month yet. Also, that guy in the back of the group... he looks like Bert from "Sesame Street".

New Adventures of Queen Victoria, 7/24/09

You know, this would make a heck of a lot more sense if they hadn't just ellipsed out of initial statement. I have no idea who the heck the person in the third panel is supposed to be. Heck, I don't even know who the person who is not Queen Victoria is supposed to be. I might if I actually read this strip more than twice a week, but with shenanigans like this being pulled, I'm not really interested in doing that.

EDIT: An anonymous commentor says that it's Oscar Wilde. Now that the mystery has been cleared up, the strip makes marginally more sense. So thank you, anonymous commentor.

Tiny Sepuku, 7/24/09

I was nice to you last week, and then you have to go and do a thing like this. That hurts, Tiny Sepuku. That really hurts.

*This might be a lie. For more semi-coherent babble, go to the Meekrat Entertainment Group.

Read more...