Come one, come all!

Watch in awe and amazement as I start off coherently remarking upon comic strips, gradually slipping into incoherent babble and stream-of-consciousness, ending with the flourish of imagining that a comic strip was written to personally slight me! Oh, it shall be great fun for all*!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/24/09

If you have all your teeth and a full head of hair, you too can travel to Appalachia and have your pick of any woman there. In fact, from this strip, it looks like that guy won't have to pick. He can have them all, if he so chose, perhaps at once. The parson is understandably upset by this.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/24/09

Cindy Summers will undoubtedly die in Iraq. Either that, or she'll be captured by a terrorist cell and then fashion for herself a suit of technologically advanced armor which she shall use to save her own life and fight for the greater good.

Oh, wait, this is Funky Winkerbean. She's going to die. She is so going to die.

Retail, 7/24/09

Oh god. My job involves a folding board, and the stupid thing is basically useless because, unless you do it exactly right, it causes every shirt to become just a bit unfolded when you're done using it. Furthermore, 98% of the time the customers will just come in and mess up all the shirts anyway. So the folding board is useless, except maybe as an exceptionally shoddy weapon. What I'm saying is that Val should totally smack that guy with the folding board.

Last Kiss, 7/24/09

If the snake was radioactive, wouldn't it be just about dead too? Or perhaps the radioactivity just gave it the power to speak with Lucille Ball. Which, I'm guessing, is not a super-power a snake would want to have.

Mike Luckovich, 7/24/09

This is just in poor taste, as the man hasn't been dead for even a month yet. Also, that guy in the back of the group... he looks like Bert from "Sesame Street".

New Adventures of Queen Victoria, 7/24/09

You know, this would make a heck of a lot more sense if they hadn't just ellipsed out of initial statement. I have no idea who the heck the person in the third panel is supposed to be. Heck, I don't even know who the person who is not Queen Victoria is supposed to be. I might if I actually read this strip more than twice a week, but with shenanigans like this being pulled, I'm not really interested in doing that.

EDIT: An anonymous commentor says that it's Oscar Wilde. Now that the mystery has been cleared up, the strip makes marginally more sense. So thank you, anonymous commentor.

Tiny Sepuku, 7/24/09

I was nice to you last week, and then you have to go and do a thing like this. That hurts, Tiny Sepuku. That really hurts.

*This might be a lie. For more semi-coherent babble, go to the Meekrat Entertainment Group.