The Daily Comics Review: Nest Heads Throw Down

by Hal Bent

Oh my gosh, where I have I been? Busy with life I guess. Glad to be back here after a few days away from the pages of the Daily Comics Review. You know what, I'm feeling frisky and ready to throw down. Some comic must be trying to step up and challenge.  Let's get on with it already!

Nest Heads by John Allen:

Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it Nest Heads?  Saying stupid things and being proven wrong? Reality Shows? Bottled Water. That's just weak. Let's see you top these (yes, I actually said these things):
"New Coke tastes even better than old Coca-Cola";
"Dad, wake up, the Red Sox are about to beat the Mets here and win the World Series in six games";
"What in the world did you do to your hair?";
"It's possible to make a decent living with a Liberal Arts degree";
"Star Trek: Voyager is going to be the best of all the Star Trek series!";
"This Kobe Bryant kid is gonna flame out of basketball in two years";
"No one is going to want to watch a bunch of washed up celebrities dancing on television"; 
"Glam Metal and Hair Bands are never going to go out of style"
"I can drink the whole bottle without it affecting me"
Yeah, go hang your head in shame, Nest Heads, you just got beat down.

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly:

This was the story of my life in high school.  "Look at that gaggle of Geeks."  Actually, no one would use gaggle, we were the only geeks who knew the definition of "gaggle". 

Broom Hilda by Russell Myers:

Where is panel three?  I want to see the carnage.  I need to see that hideous Broom Hilda devoured. Oh what a treat the comics would be. 

Brevity by Dan Thompson:

I don't have many rules in my life, but one of them I firmly believe in is that no toilet paper with a sword is allowed anywhere near me.  Not many rule, but that is definitely one of them!

B.C. by Hart:

You mean the pretentious, know-it-all, overspending douche-bag?  Yeah, the country is full of them. Too bad the blonde lady is already glassy-eyed and ready to throw herself at him, as always happens with these walking, talking turds. Just saying...

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Aluminum hats, 50 years out of date, freaky-deaky, and Ziggy steals my thunder

No time to waste! Let's get the comic fun started: 

Pickles by Brian Crane:

This child is an idiot.  If you want people not to read your thoughts, your hat has to be made out of aluminum foil at minimum, and if it's a super telepathic mutant like Professor X, you need a sweet metal helmet like Magneto wears.  Jeez, that is some lazy writing.  Pick up an X-Men comic book (they publish about 20 of them a month, it seems these days) or watch one of the  movies already...Well, not X-Men 3,  The Last Stand. That was an un-watchable catastrophe of epic proportions.  In fact, I think its time to pretend that the movie never happened. Yup, wiped it from my memory right there.

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Rose is Rose by Don Wimmer / Created by Pat Brady

I don't have anything to say about this strip. I find it kinda boring and predicable, and hardly ever funny. I do find it fascinating (I read all the comics, even the ones I don't like, because....well, they're comics!) that in this strip, the husband, Jimbo, hates that his skinny wife is thin and fantasizes about her being fat like her mother.  FREAKY!  Rose, the wife, is a wall-flower who imagines that she's a motorcycle chick clad in leather and kicking ass all over town.  S&M and LEATHER, yee-hah! 

Today's strip? Who cares, no one is getting their freaky imagination on and there's no point in reading.

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Soup to Nutz by Rick Stromoski:

Give me a break! Kids watching the Lone Ranger? I am a male in the 25 to 49 year old range...I AM YOUR TARGET MARKET! APPEAL TO ME, I DEMAND YOU APPEAL TO ME!!!!  

The Lone Ranger? A show popular around World War II? Are these two really watching the Lone Ranger?  My kids are the age these two are drawn as, and they'd identify the Lone Ranger as....no one, nothing.  And I cram culture down their throats: I make them watch M*A*S*H and WKRP in Cincinnati. The Lone Ranger was old and out-of-date when I was young.  Heck, the Lone Ranger was classic TV when my mother was a child.  Are cartoonists reduced to stealing punchlines from the 1950s? What next, the strip going to recycle Daisy Mae going to try to marry L'il Abner? Cultural references 50 years out-of-date...so much fun.

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Nest Heads by John Allen:

Um, the woman in the picture is ripping off his shirt because they are gonna get super freaky-deaky!  Wait, you wouldn't say that to the kid?  Oh, and instead you;d go and give the kid a complex about human reproduction? That's what you want to teach them?  What is with the facial expression on goggles  lady in the third panel? She is pissed  off that there is sex going on somewhere.  Laundry.  Yeah, great response, you spinster Puritan.   Hope you get stuck with the kid's psychiatric bills when she's a teen.

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Ziggy by Tom Wilson & Tom II:

You know, some days they take the words right out of your mouth...ain't that the truth, Ziggy. Ain't that the truth!

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Super Bowl Sunday Funnies

Since most comics today were focused on the Super Bowl and how most people watch only for the commercials, I'm specifically weeding those out, because it seems it was too tempting to take the easy way out.  Or maybe I should make a point to ridicule them all. No, twenty or so comics with the same punchline on the same day deserve to be ignored. Instead, let's look at some more interesting fare:

Does anyone like Ziggy? Seriously, is there a crowd of 50/60-year-olds who worshiped at the Church of Ziggy in the late 70's still opening their newspapers and chortling at the adventures of the big nosed-no-pants-wearing Zigmeister?  So forget the stupid joke.  Voted off the iceberg? Like voted off the island? A Survivor reference. Like a joke that was relevant in 2000 used in 2013? Well, I guess it's the same century, so that's kind of a win for Ziggy.  

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Wait, a spilled milkshake causes the brakes to not work?  How does that make someone stick to the seat?  What hellish physics is at work with this milkshake from...what is that burger jockey wearing in the first panel? Is he working at BoyScoutBurgers? What did he put in the shake to make it so sticky? What is the need for water being so desperate to drive off a cliff instead of driving to a car wash?  Where did the snorkel come from in the final panel? Is she supposed to still be stuck to the seat of the convertible she's driving? 

Forget all those messed up logic gaps, why am I even reading Broom Hilda?

* 

My mother was a huge Pogo fan, so I had access to numerous copies of various collected Pogo comics.  In fact, I probably learned more about the Cold War reading Pogo than I ever learned in all the History classes I took in school combined.  That, and I can sing along to "Deck us all with Boston Charlie."

As far as the strip..ehh. It's like saying: "I saw an obese orange tabby cat and it at no time did it sit up and try to steal my lasagna, throw an upper-cut at a dog, nor make any unfunny or mean-spirited comments to its owner. I never realized what an inaccurate comic strip Garfield was."  I guess the lady wearing the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar goggles to do the dishes is just making a snide comment to express disdain for donut-goatee's extreme ignorance and inability to see a comic strip as different from reality.  To that, then I say bravo, goggle-wearing lady. Bravo. 

*

 

Momma is blind without her glasses: Age-related macular degeneration is such a laugh.  

One theme often employed in the strip is that the title character is always trying to get her youngest daughter, Marylou, married off. Her youngest son, Francis, is a never-do-well slacker who can't hold a job, etc. So the "joke" (I use that term loosely here) in the strip is that she is trying to get Marylou together with her nice-looking friend.  Now, I don't know if she's referring to the snowman, or the guy building the snowman with her, who is none other than her brother Francis.  I'm not sure which it is, but one is not funny and the other is just plain disturbing! 

It's scary when the lesser of two evils is that Momma wants her daughter to hook up with a snowman and makes some snow-babies.

*

Sorry, I know I said I was ignoring the Super Bowl themed comics but bare rear in the Sunday Funnies is too much to ignore. Personally, I'm disappointed that the censors don't have water dripping since we all know she took a little fanny-dip into the bowl. 

Now this begs the bigger question I've always pondered (I have nine older sisters: believe me, I was trained to be putting the toilet seat down after making numero uno from from my first day of toilet training.), if these angry women with their wet heinies are not looking to see if the seat is down before sitting down on the can, what happens when a well-trained, considerate male such as myself puts BOTH seats down (both the seat and the cover, I guess they'd be called).  If the cover is down over the seat over the toilet...well, that won't be pretty.  Is that why we buy the fuzzy covers for the toilet seat covers? Is it an early warning system? 

See, these are the real issues.  This is the eternal question that begs an answer. Oh yeah. Guys, don't ask your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/etc for an answer...you will regret it. Trust the old man with experience and just apologize (even if it was your friend/relative/child), put the seat down, and ponder the question in your own mind.

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Have a great Super Bowl Sunday! As always, thanks for reading!

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Sunday Comics Featuring a Fist O' Justice

Hope you all had a good Christmas or whatever you all celebrate. How many of you checked out the massive X-Mas X-Travaganza on the 25th? Well, if you haven't, do it after this entry. The odd panel featuring someone apparently about to punch a helpless old lady is from today's Brenda Starr. I enjoyed the fist so much that I just had to include it because, in all honesty, there are surprisingly few fist close-ups on the comics pages anymore. Now, onto the comics.


The Argyle Sweater 12/27/09

It took me a minute to understand the joke in this comic. Somehow I don't see Jimmy Stewart going into a Hooters.

Cul De Sac 12/27/09

I'm not making any resolutions this year. I typically fail mine sometime in February or March anyway. What the hell is going on in the first four panels?

Mary Worth 12/27/09

Ignoring the awesomeness of Wilbur's possible illegitimate son arriving spontaneously on his doorstoop, Wilbur can't get off of his fat ass to answer the door but he'll haul his butt into the kitchen to fix those 17 bologna sandwiches he made a week ago?

Nest Heads 12/27/09

Ooh, a history lesson. Archduke Ferdinand (not to be confused with silent comic strip star Ferd'nand) was assassinated in 1914 which ultimately led to World War I. The thing is, Gavrilo Princip killed Ferdinand, not the year 1914 so I think all the year is going to do is be moody and ignore everyone by either texting or not taking his damned iPod earbuds out.

Ziggy 12/27/09

Goddammit, Ziggy! It's 10 degrees outside! Do you ever wear any pants?!!

Todd the Dinosaur 12/27/09

Why didn't they throw those oranges away when they got that bad? I agree that men suck at doing grocery shopping. They need to have a list or 1)they'll buy a bunch of junk that will just sit around or 2)they'll buy just enough for a couple of days so they will just have to get out and get more.

My Cage 12/27/09

I've never watched "It's a Wonderful Life" all the way through. I want to and I do like the movie but I've never watched it all the way through. And I'm sorry but not liking a movie is no reason to throw someone off of a bridge.

Adam @ Home 12/27/09

Yeah, no one wants to see Adam's sweatpant bulge anyway.

Heaven's Love Thrift Shop 12/27/09

Yeah, and do you know why it worked for "A Charlie Brown Christmas"? Because even in 1965, Peanuts was a beloved comic strip and everyone could identify with Charlie Brown's hatred of Christmas commercialism and Linus basically reminding all of us that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ. You, Heaven's Love... whatever it is, are just usurping a wonderful Christmas tradition and using it for your own idiotic purposes.

Fun fact: CBS originally didn't want Linus to quote from the Bible but Charles Schulz and Bill Melendez fought to keep it in. I'm not religious but good for them.

The Buckets 12/27/09

Uh, the creepy yellow insane kid in my kitchen?

The Phantom 12/27/09

Is...Is the Phantom going to rape that kid?

Sherman's Lagoon 12/27/09

Is...Is Sherman going to rape Fillmore?

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Shortest Day Comics

Hope you all are out and enjoying the day because it's the shortest day of the year. On the downside, the sun will be gone at, like 5:30 this evening but on the plus side, the days will now start to get longer leading us into spring and away from this horrible winter which has turned my skin all dry and splotchy. Onward, comics!!

Bizarro 12/21/09

Oh, those wacky Mayans. Sadly, this comic makes a lot more sense then the apocalyptic 2012 theories making the rounds do.

Nest Heads 12/21/09

Not being a regular reader of Nest Heads, do Uncle Albert and Tammy always go off by themselves? Are Uncle Albert and Tammy seeing each other on the side and Little Girl is about to walk in on them? And is Uncle Albert showing Tammy what I think he's showing her?

The Dinette Set 12/21/09

I often wonder what is wrong with The Dinette Set. What are they all looking at? The found keys basket? The to-do list? Why does Julie Larson insist on shoving multiple "jokes" into each panel? Does she think if the actual joke falls flat, people will forgive her because of the clever rhyme in the Valentine's heart on the wall? That's not the way it works.

Also, I found the dumbbell, can you? And I know that you'll be tempted to just circle the entire panel but that doesn't count.

Graffiti 12/21/09

"One false move"? Shouldn't that be "one wrong move"? Wouldn't a false move be a fake move? However I do find it creepy that not only is this comic comparing romance to chess but also to rape.

Reality Check 12/21/09

"I went down to the health department. They were having an H1N1 clinic. They had plenty."

I'd be more worried about how he was able to get that needle and the vaccine out the door.

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Thanksgiving: The Aftermath

Hey there, folks. Hope everyone had a fine Thanksgiving yesterday (or Thursday, if you're not in the United States) and that you didn't die from turkey overdose or excessive football watching or some other drastically real problem you could have experienced yesterday. Anyway, here's comic strip commentary:

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/27/09

So does this mean that Loweezy or whatever her name is isn't, in fact, a woman? That explains quite a lot, actually.

Sally Forth, 11/27/09

As someone who has watched the "Star Wars Holiday Special", and owns a bootleg copy, I can honestly say that there is no greater revenge that Ted can have against his parents than making him watch it. For the record, it's not so bad until you get to the part with the holographic circus. Of course, the holographic circus is within the first five minutes.

Candorville, 11/27/09

I would never pay the guy to leave me alone if all his stories are as delightful as the one he's telling now.

Graffiti, 11/27/09

All I remember about Moby Dick is that Ishmael was freaked out by Queeqeg, Moby Dick demolished their boat and Ishmael had to use Queeqeg's coffin as a life-raft, Captain Ahab ate some fresh whale-meat, and there was a chapter about Ishmael having a flash-back to some island he went to with whale-bones on it or something. What I'm getting at here is that it's a pretty boring book and far too long. Sorry if opinion's too funky fresh for all you squares.

The Quigmans, 11/27/09

The headless horseman wasn't Ichabod Crane, comic strip. Even if you're not willing to read the story (or even watch the Disney version) then you should at least have the presence of mind to look it up on Wikipedia.

Real Life Adventures, 11/27/09

I'm going to have to protest "Real Life Adventures" "People who play Dungeons and Dragons aren't qualified to reproduce" stand-point. It is a stupid standpoint and I hate it, especially since I play the game on occasion. And I will fight you on this if I have to, comic strip.

Daddy's Home and Nest Heads, 11/27/09


Here, we have two comics about the "Black Friday" phenomenon. While most people (rightfully) believe that the reasons the first comic strip posits is the reason that the day after Thanksgiving is called that, the minor amount of research I've done actually puts the reason "Nest Heads" forth to be the real reason that it's called that. So it's not because consumers act like raving savages, but because businesses are desperately hoping that one day out of the entire year will allow them to actually make a profit.

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Turkey Baster

I hate Mondays. Now you know and knowing is part of the conflict.


Cornered 9/28/09

"By remembering to be considerate of your cell mate's feelings when you're raping and/or stabbing him for looking at you wrong. It's the little things that make a relationship work."



Nest Heads 9/28/09

Actually, from what I hear it causes drowsiness right from the start of the show because it sucks. But I haven't seen it because I have better things to do. Such as write this stuff.



Bottomliners 9/28/09

This joke is as unoriginal as me pointing out how unoriginal it is.



The Knight Life 9/28/09

Well, she is lying. Blacks and whites haven't magically lived happily ever after since the Emancipation Proclamation. I'm not sure why anyone would even try to teach that; it's wrongness is quite amazing. It took another 100 years after the Civil War to get somewhat equal rights for black people. And there's still a long way to go before whites and blacks live in peace.

In summation: She lie!



Watch Your Head 9/28/09

"Turkey baster thighs"? What the hell does that mean? I've never heard that before, although I am from a Midwestern state and have little interaction with people so I guess this could be something really popular that I don't know about.

Has anybody heard any other crazy things like this?

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Saturday Happened Again, Looks Like I Owe Somebody A Dollar

Welcome, true believers, to the first DCR Saturday free from that tyrant Bryce. Since he's off in the drug underworld or whatever it is that he's doing, These are my choices. They don't encompass the week because I didn't have access to Bryce's magical comic machine that spits out all the worst comic strips. Rest assured, next Saturday will have the worst comics of next week. And I formally extend a welcome to our two new writers, I apologize that I do not yet know your names and am too lazy to go read Bryce's post that included them.

Onward, to adventure. Well, maybe not adventure, but comics.


Nest Heads 5/15/09

File under Horrible Word Play.

And does anyone under 14 or so even know who Hugh Hefner is? They shouldn't.




Ginger Meggs 5/15/09

The biggest problem with fishing for silverfish? They aren't fish and if you are near them, you are in a disgusting place. They should just go to the nearest public bathroom, there's alway gross things in there.



Crankshaft 5/15/09

What is 'retroactive arousal'? Would that mean that now you remember yourself being aroused when you didn't used to remember yourself being aroused? Or that your memory of the event now makes you aroused? Come on Crankshaft, if you're going to invent new forms of arousal, you should at least have them well defined.



Oh and I almost forgot: *hurl*



Between Friends 5/15/09

Those of you that are lucky enough to be my Facebook friend read an insightful thought by me on that very site. It was about how ridiculous Facebook status updates are and how it would be exceedingly easy to burgel or murder someone based on their Facebook status updates. I swear that some people want to be stalked because they make it so easy to track their every more by telling you exactly what they're doing. We don't need to fear Big Brother peering over our shoulder anymore because we willingly broadcast everything we do to a public audience. People, we need to retake some of our privacy. Even though we gave it away voluntarily, it is still ours and if you don't take it back, someone just might stab you while you are picking up Tommy from daycare then getting ready for my last evening of working at McDonalds!


And now back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm.



Tina's Groove 5/15/09

I am what some would call an alcohol snob. But I graduated from an actual school of Bartending so I get the final say in what is a good drink and what isn't a good drink. Wine mixed with beer is not a good drink. Ignoring the fact that it would give you an enormous headache, it would taste terrible. Wheat and grapes are only good together if you have grape jelly on your toast.



Be warned: the last comic review contains graphic language and will be offensive to the majority of people, if you do not want to read this kind of content, stop now.

Tiger 5/15/09

So he feels greedy when he's giving BJs to strangers for money, but not when he swallows the fruits of his labor? Weird. I just feel ashamed and disgusted when I give BJs to strangers for money. He must be charging more than $10 a head (pun intended).

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