Identities, lies, and the cakes who tell them

Time for an afternoon snack and a cool glass of comic blurb goodness, brought to you by the one and only Arkholt (seriously, have you ever heard of anyone else named Arkholt?).

Watch Your Head:

 

Wow.  I've never had an ID, student or otherwise, that identified me so thoroughly.  I'd be afraid of how the institution knew all of these things about me.  I guess sometimes you can just tell from the photo, as in this case.  Usually my photos just send the message of "I'm smiling because I have to, but I hate pictures because I always end up blinking, and please take it as quickly as possible." At least, that's what I see when I look at them.

Over the Hedge:

Verne truly has an amazing body.  Not only is he a turtle who can take his shell completely off, exposing his tiny censor barred turtle butt, but the top of his head apparently flips open as well, revealing...  nothing, I guess.  If you opened Hammy's head, though, you may be disturbed by what you find.

Brevity:

 
I'm a little confused here.  I understand that the tornado caused the entire cake to be finished, sans icing, of course.  However, did the rapid stirring cause the tornado, or was she stirring and a random tornado happened to come by while she was stirring?  If it was the latter, she's in luck because she has a cake despite her house being destroyed.  If the former, she's in terrible shape because even though she now has a cake, she's destroyed her own house in the process.  I don't believe that getting a cake at the expense of your house is a fair trade-off.

The Argyle Sweater:

 
The only problem is you have to keep shaking it in order for the spirits to show you your future.  She also must never have anyone look at the other side of the table, because if they did they'd definitely spot the snow globe box.  Maybe it's one of those places where it's really dark anyway, so they wouldn't see it even if they looked.  Who knows.  I just know I would have hidden it underneath the table instead of beside it.

And finally, today's classic Calvin and Hobbes strip from Uclick:

Little do both Calvin and Hobbes know that it's actually already the middle of August.  Not only is time marching on, but both his calendar and his watch are entirely incorrect. 

That is unless he's going by the lunar calendar.  He'd be about right then.

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I Scream...You Scream

It's Sunday.

Self-promotion.

Onto the comics.

Mary Worth 7/18/10

At least we now know why the good doctor hasn't called. He doesn't know how to operate his cell phone. And all of Jenna's email (from her @charterstone.net address) immediately get sent, unread, into the spam folder.

Panels from B.C. and Sherman's Lagoon 7/18/10


I'm just fascinated by the synchronicity going on in these strips. Move on to the next comic.

The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee 7/18/10

The problem I have with people comparing Facebook and other social networking sites to Orwell's "1984" is that posted any and everything on Facebook is voluntary whereas Big Brother in "1984" was against everybody's will. You don't have to post stuff on Facebook or Twitter, however you do have to obey Big Brother.

The Family Circus 7/18/10

Yeah, like your wimp of a father will protect you from a killer whale, great white shark, piranhas, jellyfish and octopi.

Watch Your Head 7/18/10

Hmm, I wonder what happened in Calvin's childhood that caused him to run off and create an entirely different identity. My guess is Calvin's parents let him roam around in the woods one too many times and Calvin was abducted. Or something happened to Suzie and it caused Calvin to become unhinged.

The Born Loser 7/18/10

Today is Ice Cream Day. Go out and get yourself some ice cream. Ice cream is good and good for you.* As for the comic: what? But if you are out of small, how can you still have medium and large? The mind...she hurts. I guess this could be a way to get people to spend more in these troubling economic times.

Or the ice cream man just wants a punch in the face.



*While ice cream is good, it is not necessarily good for you.

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I Brake For Cannibals With Fake Diamonds

Monday brings a bounty of comic commentary. Did you see that? Two alliterations in one sentence! Only two words still counts as alliteration, right?

Now that I've completely lost the entire audience, on to the strips.

Also, you can discuss the DCR at The Mighty Comic Strip Blog Collective.

Mother Goose & Grimm 10/5/09

Above 'Massage' there are more words. They are 'Potato Cannibal'. Why else would they be using sour cream, chives, and butter? Humans don't massage each other with wines and spices, do they?

Also, it kind of looks like Mr. Potato-head already got the 'full release', if you know what I mean.



Watch Your Head 10/5/09

In summation, some people are crazy if you touch their stuff. You would do well to remember that.



Luann 10/5/09

At last we learn that Elwood, the supposed millionaire after Luann's jailbait ass, is not rich. Or at least, an asshole of large magnitude.

Also, why is the jeweler being so bitchy? There's no need to get the poor girl's hopes up like that only to dash them. She was already proposed to by a midget pretending to be a millionaire, I think she's suffered enough.



The Doozies 10/5/09

Why is he having a garage sale in the middle of the street?

Actually on closer inspection, it appears that the whole thing is set in some kind of void.

Also, it makes sense that she didn't brake because the sign that designates the pile of crap as a garage sale is facing the opposite direction that the vehicle is traveling making it impossible for the driver to know that the collection of junk is in fact a garage sale and not simply the result of a tipped over garbage truck.



Pluggers 10/5/09

Usually Pluggers is just lame, but this time it's just wrong. There is, in fact, airmail (it is one word, Google told me so). How do you think mail gets to other countries? And yes, they don't call domestic mail 'airmail' anymore, but how do you think express mail gets to where it needs to go so quickly? You didn't get that package from Portland, Maine to Portland, Oregon overnight by truck, I can tell you that.

If there's one thing I know, it's the Post Office, so don't fuck with me Pluggers.



Compu-Toon 10/5/09

By completely destroying the damn thing. Maybe it the heat won't damage the phone beyond repair, but the tumble will likely break the case open and otherwise render the phone inoperable.

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Turkey Baster

I hate Mondays. Now you know and knowing is part of the conflict.


Cornered 9/28/09

"By remembering to be considerate of your cell mate's feelings when you're raping and/or stabbing him for looking at you wrong. It's the little things that make a relationship work."



Nest Heads 9/28/09

Actually, from what I hear it causes drowsiness right from the start of the show because it sucks. But I haven't seen it because I have better things to do. Such as write this stuff.



Bottomliners 9/28/09

This joke is as unoriginal as me pointing out how unoriginal it is.



The Knight Life 9/28/09

Well, she is lying. Blacks and whites haven't magically lived happily ever after since the Emancipation Proclamation. I'm not sure why anyone would even try to teach that; it's wrongness is quite amazing. It took another 100 years after the Civil War to get somewhat equal rights for black people. And there's still a long way to go before whites and blacks live in peace.

In summation: She lie!



Watch Your Head 9/28/09

"Turkey baster thighs"? What the hell does that mean? I've never heard that before, although I am from a Midwestern state and have little interaction with people so I guess this could be something really popular that I don't know about.

Has anybody heard any other crazy things like this?

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A Lot of Really Strange Comics

Watch Your Head 3/20/09

Watch Your Head borrows some style from Mark Trail today and brings us quite possibly the worlds first talking crotch on the funny pages. The truly disturbing thing is that from this angle, there is no way to tell what part of this man's anatomy is doing the berating.


Ben 3/20/09

Two lovers, in the last gasp before oblivion, reaching as hard as they can, just to express their undying affection and devotion. The moment, ruined by two stupid little boys.


Dinosaur Comics 3/19/09

We've been struggling with branding here at the DCR lately so maybe this is a good way to ask for your suggestions? What nickname would you give our little blog here? Bad people reviewing bad comics? Stupid crappy crap stuff? The Snark Department?


Mike Peters 3/20/09

We don't ever do editorial cartoons, largely because they're not funny. One sure-fire way to get noticed though is to cover a very famous person in an over-sized condom. Hilarious visual!


Medium Large 3/20/09

There's only one true Portland and it's the one I live in! That's right, fuck you Maine! This Tom guy is an idiot too, no one would ever make this mistake. EVER.

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Merry Boxing Day!

Watch Your Head 12/26/08I'm not sure why this is supposed to be funny. Most people I know don't like to tell people bad news, especially not to the female types that are already feeling vulnerable. It's just not a smart thing to do.

Girls & Sports 12/26/08This one made me chuckle inside(which means I thought it was really funny). Mostly because it sounds like something I would do in real life. Not that I'm boring or anything ladies ;)

Graffiti 12/26/08A couple things: 1. If that were true the networks wouldn't have so many of them. 2. How is this a comic? Doesn't a comic need to have a drawing of some kind, not just words? Those things with just words are called commentaries.

Well, that's one more day down. As you might recall I said something about Boxing Day yesterday. Well, here's the thing, I don't know anything about Boxing Day because I don't live in Canada or where ever they celebrate that crazy holiday. Sorry to disappoint you but you can always go to Wiki to find out.

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