Saturday Specials

by Hal Bent

"Some days are dry
Some days are leaky
Some days come clean
Other days are sneaky
Some days take less but most days take more
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor"
-Some Days are Better than Others by U2 (Zooropa)

Lot's of days slipping through my fingers these days.

"Hank says
The days, days, days
Run away like horses over the hill
The days, days, days
Run away like horses over the hill"

-Dirty Day by U2 (Zooropa)

The days are definitely getting away from me.  So since everyone reading knows now that the background soundtrack consists of the album that ran on repeat throughout my college days (God, I am old!).  Well, today is not slipping away, so onto the comic strips:

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:

I usually enjoy the Argyle Sweater, but I have to complain about this strip today. The men's room?  A cat wouldn't use a "men's room". The door should say "Litterbox".  Small point, I know, but it takes away from the humor.  

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Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen:

Wait, it's funny because he had a stroke?  That is some damned cruel humor there. 

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Ben by Daniel Shelton:

This is only intersting if the Sunday comic picks this discussion up tomorrow and the mom says "It was more of a brand, and I got it before I met father.  I was a 'member' at Sam & Maury's Dungeon, or the S&M Dungeon as its known today, and these seven fellows I was with at the time..."

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Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom

The Born Loser is auditioning for the role of Wilford Brimley.  Next week's strips are all about speaking to the reader about "diabeetus".

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9 Chickweed Lane by Brooke McEldowney:

I'm not sure the strip loses much by replacing "a heedless hubba-hubba wongbonga ding-dong rapturama" with "a bone-a-thon".  In fact, I think it makes it more relatable and realistic.

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Thursday Quickies

by Hal Bent

It's Thursday, which means it's time for the quickies...set the snark-o-meter to "zing!".

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:

The Great White Snark, that's gonna be my new DCR nickname for myself.  "Hi, I'm Hal. You may know me as the Great White Snark."  Aww, who am I kidding. They'd give the title to Fruhlinger, make him a shark costume, and hold a parade for him through downtown Baltimore.


Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson:

Wait, who the hell is Vic? "Vic, it's Arlo. Key party on Saturday. Be there and bring that sweet wife of yours.  Yeah, Janis is going too. What shape is her keychain?  Wait, what?"


Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen:

Gary Sanders is revered as a symbol of fertility and virility (and sponsored by Viagra) in his neighborhood.The balloons tied to garters are from the stay at home moms who live in the neighborhood and there is symbolism tied to the number of balloons tied to each garter.


The Flying McCoys by Glenn and Gary McCoy:

Look at dat ass.  I'd say this strip is shocking to the average 75 year old newspaper comics reader (letters to the editor are going to trickle in full of indignation), but certainly tame compared to the average Craigslist "Casual Encounters".



Gasoline Alley by Jim Scancarelli:

When you "pinch a loaf", Slim, it's not necessary to cook and serve it to yourself for dinner, no matter how many ham and cheese lunchables you had for dinner the night before. 

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Terrible Tuesday

by Hal Bent

Tuesdays somehow skate with Mondays getting all the Garfield-related anguish, grief and curses heaped upon it.  Tuesdays are as bad as Monday, if not worse since Monday is horrible going back to work and Tuesday is a Groundhog Day type repeat.  At least Wednesdays are Webcomics Wednesdays here at the DCR and bring a glimmer of hope.

Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen:

Speaking of terrible, how do metal bra/bikini's work like in this cartoon or a Thor comic book? Cold, uncomfortable, and constricting come to mind (of course, all brassieres could be that way for all I know).  I see this, and think that this is a concept that no sane woman would ever conceive, let alone wear.  "For the warrior woman who needs extra support!"  Also, what exactly is the blessing for in this cartoon? Is he leaving the house or entering? Not really sure this explains a lot after the reader gets past all the metal wear. 



Birdbrains by Thom Bluemel  //  Bliss by Harry Bliss  //  Eek! by Scott Nickel:

Is this a bizarre circumstance and random occurrence of the Universe? Do cartoonists correspond on a platform and bounce ideas off each other like "Let's have mythical creatures sitting down at a psych exam, at an awkward angle on a table, or in their waiting room--that would be funny."  Forget that none of these are actually funny in any way, shape or form: I am just fascinated that they all exist on the same day.  Kudos to Bliss for that great Wolfman, though.  



Shoe by Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins:

As a Massachusetts resident, I thoroughly enjoy seeing the hideous, drunken politician bird-creature representing long-time Senior Senator from Massachusetts--Ted Kennedy--is still alive and sneaking away with call girls at every opportunity.  And, yes, I read the Kennedy-Bird-Creature's voice in my head with that distinctive Kennedy accent. 

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Alley Oop Plays Quidditch

Alley Oop

Like Quidditch in the Harry Potter universe, this appears to be another poorly designed game where most of the game play is rendered moot by a single action.  Also like Harry Potter:  Alley Oop, a newcomer to the sport, is being set up to be the hero.

Andy Capp

How could Flo forget?  Andy exists in one of only two states: drunk or hungover.  At least she appropriately blames herself for this lapse in judgement.

Ballard Street

Arthur isn't horsing around.  He had a heart attack after laying out his clothes for the day.  His wife, in her demented state, fails to notice.

Scary Gary

For a comic that starts off discussing the history of vampires, the old joke of a punchline is especially disappointing.

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It Doesn't Matter If You're Black and White

Animal Crackers

Well, everything in your world IS in black and white, Mr. Unidentifiable-Animal-Thing.  Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the coloring book "industry"—I'm sure the publishing companies that spit out those toddler scribble pages have varied enough projects that they'll survive the Color Apocalypse.  Now, the Crayon Industry on the other hand...

Ballard Street

I shudder to think of what horrid mound of white flesh is disturbing enough to freak out that poor dog.

Betty

Whoa!  Did Betty's friend just give her a not-so-subtle jab there at the end? "Surprise, surprise.  I'm intelligent and well-spoken, unlike some people *cough*you*cough*. 'Funny friend' my ass!"

The Flying McCoys

Yes, this was a Superman diarrhea joke.  Fun times.

The Grizzwells

I guess it should come as no surprise that the bear's laziness extends to his parenting as well.  "The little tyke has been so annoying lately, I think I'll just avoid him altogether.  Ah... I feel better. I must be doing a good job!"

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Wednesday Comics

R.I.P. Bil Keane, creator of Family Circus. Family Circus wasn't always everyone's cups of tea (especially for snarky comics bloggers), but it was remarkably consistent over the years in its portrayal of family life. I will admit that it did make me smile on occasion.

Andertoons

"But even that's mostly spam anymore." Huh? At first I thought the strip might have been an import and the weird grammar was the result of a poor translation, but then I looked up Mark Anderson and found out he lives in Chicago.

Ballard Street

I need to feature more Ballard Street in my review. It is one of the most mystifyingly strange comics out there. Sometimes it's brilliantly weird; often it's just baffling. Today is one of the baffling days. Though I do enjoy Monty's crazy-proud expression.

Candorville

Looks like someone forgot to color in the Star Trek logo on Lemont's shirt... Gah! I notice too much!

Chuckle Bros

Typical Chuckle Bros: a clever gag ruined by a clunky delivery and bad art.

The Doozies

With customers like this, how does Dippin' Dots go bankrupt? I guess that explains the perplexed look on the man's face in the first panel. He's thinking, "How could my insatiable desire to gorge myself on sweet treats not keep this business afloat? Must be criminal mismanagement."

Gasoline Alley

Why call him Clarence? Oh I don't know... maybe because that's his real name, and "Chubby" is a ridiculous moniker for a grown man to have.

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Monday Remembered

Meekrat here again, with more comic stuff. Rubes

I think this joke may have worked better without the word balloons.

For Heaven's Sake

Credit where it's due, this isn't a bad joke so much as it is a really poorly-executed one. The composition is terrible and is the priest on the lacrosse field? Is Hal playing lacrosse in the church? Why does the priest look like fat drunken Dilbert? We shall never know these answers.

The Wizard of Id

I know this strip has a history of anachronism, but this is just carrying it to an absurd degree. So I'm just going to imagine this as a guy getting sent back to the time of Id and winding up on a golf course.

Weird Synchronicity: Ballard Street and Cul de Sac

Who'd have thought sink-holes would provide so much fodder?

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Viral Old Men

Hello all. New writer here at the DCR. My name is Peter. I have a web comic. My day will be Wednesday. Thank you to Bryce and everyone else at the Review for letting me join you in your daily evisceration of the funnies. Okay, that's enough chit-chat. On to today's comics!

F Minus

Why does the guy on the left look so put out to be holding the slice of pizza with his hands? You don't need dishes for pizza. Also, where is the pizza box? These guys messed up their ottoman for nothing!

Ballard Street

I don't think a shirtless old man would make for a good viral video. No one wants to see that. Although this briefly made the internet rounds a few years back, so who knows?

Cul de Sac

Cartoon camp? Historic cartoon sites in Ohio? Yeah... a bit of wishful thinking on the writer's part. Keep dreaming Mr. Thompson. One day....

Zach Hill

You'd think that having "poison" in the name of a plant would be enough of an indicator not to use it in lieu of toilet paper. That said, I look forward to several days worth of anus rash jokes from this strip.

Bob the Squirrel

Never mind the stupid wordplay at the end, are these parents really arguing whether or not their daughter should keep a journal? I think future Lauren is more likely to be embarrassed by pictures of her father's stupid hipster goatee than anything she ends up writing.

Free Range

This scenario is just weird. I didn't know ventriloquism worked this way. Although "throwing your bladder" would be a neat trick.

Alright, that's all for now. See you next week!

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We can't all be old, bald, masochistic dwarf planets.

I would be un-American if I didn't at least mention the fact that today's September 11th.  For those who find this to be saddening to them, here's some comic blurbs that may in fact cheer you up.


Compu-Toon:

Perhaps he wasn't meant to be draw that way, but the little kid looks like an old bald man.  Either that, or he's a mean child with leukemia.  If the latter is true, he's probably bitter and feels he deserves to be mean, but of course he at least has a quota of niceness for each day.  As long as his quota is not weekly or monthly, that seems reasonable.  Imagine what would happen if his quota was met early in the month.

By saying any of that, I am perhaps showing my ignorance of recurring characters in Compu-Toon, if there are any at all.  If so, feel free to correct me and call me ignorant.  I can take it.

Ballard Street:

Masochism is seldom seen on the comics page, although it is a well known fact that comic strip readers are often masochists, as evidenced by the large number of people who enjoy reading Marmaduke every morning.  All of them who were in reality sadomasochists took their children to see the Marmaduke movie.

Fastrack:

 
I knew it.  She's the one responsible for Pluto's demotion!  It was all a marketing scheme!  She should be ashamed.

Bob the Squirrel:

I was considering writing something about "putting himself into his work," but I thought better of it.  All I really have to say is that the glue sitting there is probably the latest in a large number of tubes of glue that he used.  There's no way there was enough in that one to glue all of that hair and nail clippings together.  Let's hope it's Gorilla Glue, too, or the thing might fall apart.

Beetle Bailey:

Sarge, don't you realize that Snoopy hardly ever wears clothes, and yet your dog puts on his own military uniform daily?  He also just drew a perfect dog paw print.  Otto should bite Sarge more.  Maybe then he'd understand.

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Hey everyone out there in comic strip land.

Ha, half an hour to spare! I spend a lot of this post talking directly to the comic strips, their creators, or characters within the comic strips. Tomorrow I am probably doing something foolishly complicated, so be sure to be here!

Ballard Street, 10/8/09

I don't know which one is Benny, but I'm willing to guess it's not the one whose head is smeared against a wall. You don't mess with Benny and live to tell the tale.

Farcus, 10/8/09

Dear comic strip people,

Please don't do anymore jokes where a character is at "Mom's Diner" and the waitress is actually acting like their mother. "Ziggy" has done it to death, and I don't think it's been funny since the first time you did it, and it probably wasn't that funny even then. Thank you.

Mike Podgorski

The Lockhorns, 10/8/09

Leroy, I say this not as someone who actually cares about your well-being at all, but as a concerned member of the human race and comic strip blogging community (which you should really e-mail me about joining if you've got a comic strip blog) who detests you and your wife and your stale antagonistic antics: if you're getting up to go to the bathroom five times a night, there's something wrong. Seek help immediately.

Andy Capp, 10/8/09

Why not just take one long nap, Andy Capp? By the way, your fries are pretty good.

Flight Deck and Close to Home, 10/8/09

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS, COMIC STRIPS. ESPECIALLY IF IT'S FOR FINANCIAL REASONS. WE CANNOT ALL BE SUCCESSFUL CARTOONISTS WITH MONEY BINS AND GOLDEN YACHTS LIKE YOU. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A LOSER. SO SCREW YOU.

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