The Daily Comics Review: Manic Monday

by Hal Bent

I came up with this great idea to kind of put together theme days, so today is Manic Monday. I guess it's manic since I go back to work after the weekend and rush around manic to get the column posted.  Or it's manic due to the content.  Or, based on today's comics, it's manic depressive.  

Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

Yeah, having your creepy nudist neighbors drinking tea and "watching" your house through binoculars is normal.  Who is to say anyone asked these Love Is weirdos to watch their house?  Who is to say the neighbors are away?  "Love is...a spot of tea and neighbors fornicating with the blinds open" is my guess.

The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn:

That one is a filthy four fucker! I don't blame old #2 for being pissed.  Now, here's my confusion: the technician is not a number. It's a human being.  Animate numbers and humans on the same sphere.  How do #1 and #2 survive in this brave new world without appendages? Are they genetically modified pets? They have faces and certainly understand the language. They can reproduce and live among human kind. That said, how'd you like to be #2?  Bad enough to be a pet of the human overlords, but to be named after a code for going human excrement? Bad day gets worse, that's all I'm saying here.

Compu-toon by Charles Boyce:

I'm going to be nice and say this has to be a reprint from 1987 and that's why it's talking about using a fax machine as an office tool for gossip instead of someone on a computer open to an email program or lapstop, or texting from an iphone or smartphone.  I mean, I worked in an office in the mid 90's and no one gossiped on a fax machine.  Phone, email, text: take your pick. 

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Love Is Cob Marley 'Round the Mulberry Bush

by Hal Bent

OK, no time to dawdle...time for the comic strips!

Rubes by Leigh Rubin:

Now that is just perfect.  Everyone knows "Pop Goes the Weasel", a classic: Then, BAM! punchline, and it's a poop joke (you can't go wrong with the poop jokes!).  I'm loving the facial expressions on the monkey and weasel.  Just wrapping it all up in a funny comic that made me laugh out loud.


Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers:

I love the dog's facial expression on finding the cat food. Just lovely.  However, if that were my dog, he'd be doing cartwheels as all he eats is cat food.  He'll have treats and stuff, but he's a finicky, spoiled brat.  All the dog foods we bought him when we got him, he turned his nose up and went to the cat food bowl.  So now, he has steals people food and eats the cat food. So, yeah, one dog  would be happy.


Jen Sorensen by Jen Sorensen:

This is great!  I so want a Mountain Dewbie. Boo-yah. (No, I'm a diabetic, so I'd probably die. I do like the Cob Marley, though). 


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

Normally, being grabbed by a naked woman after graduation is either a Porky's movie or the beginning of a porno, but Love Is somehow manages to ruin the whole thought. Thanks, Love is!  Ruin a vague memory of a Porky's movie or porno I watched and.or had a dream about a long time ago, or something. 

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Friday Funnies

It's Friday!  Friday should be the best comics of the week...story lines wrapping up, highest readers other than stand-alone Sundays, and syndicates juggling dailies for the best of the bunch.  Here's five funnies for Friday:

Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

Here's an idea, you two fat twits: go to a Doctor and ask him about the effects of a high wheat diet.  If there was a Doctor who had half a brain, he'd tell tubby here that he was at risk for a number of health issues due to his weight and especially due to his shape and storing fat in his belly. Maybe he's been going to the same idiot Doctors I went to for years begging them to help me lose weight.  I remember one who said "take it easy on the McDonalds, y'know. Heck, you're skinnier than I am! Huh-hah."  Then I finally found a Doctor who actually knew a thing or two and one proper diagnosis later I'm 60 pounds lighter and 100 times healthier.  But, hey, what the heck, let green sweater here keep filling up on those empty carbohydrates until he drives up health premiums even higher. 


Bewley by Anthony Blades: 

I only put this one here because it reminded me of yesterday when I had my kids at their grandparents and we were sitting in the living room when we went to pick them up.  My 9 year-old daughter made a comment about marriage or something, and my 11 year-old son pipes up "well, first you need to learn how to stimulate a man." IN FRONT OF HIS GRAND-PARENTS!  He later explained it as "I learned it in health class", but my parents had a heck of a laugh over that conversation. But like this comic, that's how I felt. "Good idea, son. Tell me all about the birds and bees!"


Close to Home by John McPherson:

Anyone who has ever worked in a call center will enjoy this Close to Home.  Hearing "I was on hold for XX minutes, what the #*@&^% are 'you people' doing there?"  I like to think that all of those options in the comic are running through their head.  


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey;

Wait.  What??? Does that..wow. Follow your heart, don't go black? Is that the message? Black thoughts?  Think love, not black thoughts. How about "evil" instead, or something other than "black" that may have racial connotations. Is there an editor looking at these? Yeesh. 


Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler:

What are those the not nice words? She's showing him out in the morning, right? Otherwise he'd be calling her on the phone or texting her.  So what's the story? Sexually incompatible? Selfish? (I'm trying so hard to be nice here and not type anything inappropriate here.)  Of course, I have no ideas about the relationship of these two individuals.  This could be a nosy neighbor asking about those "goat noises" he thought he heard.  Maybe this guy is just picking-up his carpooling co-worker and he saw who she was with at last call?  This comic just gets more and more interesting the more I think about it!


Have a great weekend, all!  Thanks as always for reading!

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Blizzard of Comics

Whoo-hoo.  A rare day off as work is cancelled due to the impending blizzard here in the Northeast.  Time to peruse the comics and set my snark level to HIGH.  Hard to type with my fingers-crossed hoping this storm turns to rain and blows out to sea, but let's give it a shot: 

Bliss by Harry Bliss:

See, I say latched on.  I latched onto my wife and didn't let her shake me, no matter how hard she tried. Accept it and embrace, baldy. Attractive wives with less attractive guys is only supposed to happen in sitcoms, not real life. So if you're lucky enough to latch-on, don't ruin it by rolling your eyes and making that "disappointed" face.  Put your arm around her shoulder, say "Damn right I latched onto this sweet piece of ass, right here!) and let the glowering chick in the red sweater with the glass of wine have to make the uncomfortable "is he serious or joking? Do I chuckle? Are they fighting? Is he sarcastic?" face and then give a half-hearted chuckle/snort and walk away in embarrassment.   (Not that I've ever done this at a Christmas party at my wife's work or anything. Why do you ask?)

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Momma by Mell Lazarus:

This old bag (I never knew her name was Sonya--she doesn't look like a Sonya.  More of a Louise or Betty) is always complaining her grown children don't come to visit her. So she finally gets them all there for dinner (and no sign of her hated daughter-in-law) and what happens? Sonya/Momma is bitching and moaning about them sponging off her for dinner.  What else does she have to offer them? Scintillating conversation? 80 inch television? Pleasant demeanor? 

Food is what brings a family together. I hate to think of parents/in-laws complaining about family coming and visiting them.  So does that mean she really doesn't really want her miserable kids around?  Or, maybe she's just really a mean-spirited old biddy.

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Compu-toon by Charles Boyce:

Grammar police! Wheeeee-oooh-wheeeee-oooh! (Gotta validate that Liberal Arts degree my wife worked so hard to pay off).  Were these castaways wondering or wandering? If wandering, where the heck did they wander towards.  What is that on the left side of the panel under the sun? It looks like shrubbery. Are these idiots a 50 foot wade through waist-high water from the main land? What rescue options did they try? Are they IT Professionals? Is that the "Main menu" joke?  Maybe "joke" should be in quotes, as I'm missing the attempted humor here.

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Working It Out by Charlos Gary:

Remember when Starbucks started expanding across the country and the populace was enchanted and/or confused by terms like latte, venti, cappuccino, and grande?  Of course you don't, unless you're over 35 years old and remember 25 to 30 years ago when Starbucks exploded across the nation. Walk Like an Egyptian was the hit single and the Bangles were blowing up MTV.  More important than this outdated attempt at humor, I saw Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs on VH1 on one of those idiot shows that are great to put on the TV in the background when doing something else and I cannot believe that she is 53.  Not only that, but she married the geek who directed the Austin Powers movies, Jay Roach?  Did I mention not only is she 53, but Hoffs is still smoking hot. 


Fort Knox by Paul Jon:

This General is in the mood for some general cuddle-time around the fire with Army boy here. I don't see any graham crackers in hand, so which guy is the chocolate and which is the marshmallow? Didn't take long for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to end for the General to start making propositions. Look at the facial expression on Army boy in the last panel...he is FREAKING OUT AT THE PROSPECT OF "MAKING S'MORES" WITH HIS COMMANDING OFFICER.    


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

These freaky, naked Dutch folk (who were big in the late '70s/early '80s, as I recall) are actually wearing clothes! Praise the Lord, this Love is actually has the giant-head character wearing clothes. That's worth celebrating.


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Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers:

Humpty Dumpty was that kid in high school with the Pink Floyd t-shirt who was stoned all day? Don't seem to recall those kids having a bow-tie, bowler derby, and spats.  

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Tighty Whities

Barney and Clyde

There is something disturbing about the little girl peering into the laundry basket and inquiring about her father's (probably skid-marked) tighty whities.  At least the maid has the good sense brush the discussion aside.

Bound and Gaged

So the witch is just going to toss aside her old broom without even trying to negotiate a good trade-in deal?  That's not so smart.

The Flying McCoys

Well, that's one way to toilet train a cat.

Love Is

Love is... making whoopee on a stack of textbooks.

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Happy Accidents

Bob the Squirrel

Wow.  That has to be the creepiest squirrel stalker ever.

The Born Loser

So Brutus has been outwitted by an eight-year-old.  Sounds about right.

Cow and Boy

Aww... Boy's father: crusher of dreams.

Love Is

That's not a look of sympathy on sexless boy-cherub's face.  He appears too pleased to be there; it's as if he's thinking, "Woo! I finally get to put my arms around the girl of my dreams... and all it took was a serious injury to a close family member!"

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Hair Pulling and Ugly Cats

Andy Capp

It's broad daylight and Andy is already so drunk he fell in a canal.  And not for the first time too.  No wonder this policeman is so fed up he left Andy to drown.

Arlo and Janis

This has to be the ugliest cat in all the comics.

Big Nate

Trichotillomania is a serious condition, and judging by his hairline, Nate's hair pulling is not limited to his eyelashes. He should seek treatment before it gets any worse.

The Born Loser

Ah, this explains so much.

Love Is

Love is... letting the house burn down while you are busy making whoopy in the next room.

The Grizzwells

Whoa.  Such an angry outburst from the bear.  Could this be the beginning of a breakdown in their relationship?  One that ends with the bear finally eating the porcupine?  We can only hope.

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Creepy Ponytails and Deodorant Trees

Betty

I'm not sure if the hipster glasses and the creepy ponytail are supposed to visually signify that this waiter is also a writer—I've noticed that the ancillary characters in this strip tend to have weird hair and looks.  Last week we saw squiggly hair guy; this week it's unfashionable ponytail man.

F Minus

What cracks me up is the thumbs-up and slight smile from the guy washing the dishes.  "No worries, I'm no threat to you, I'm just here to wash the dishes and perform other household chores... oh, and to have sex with your wife."

Love Is

Maybe if he had skills other than staring, love-struck, into his androgynous cherub soul-mate's eyes, he'd be more employable.

The Grizzwells

Good to know:  the critters in this strip are lazy and they smell bad.

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Wednesday Roundup

Alley Oop

Really? It's been nearly two months since this "I can't tell which of these women is my special lady friend because I'm pea-brained moron" plot-line started. That's two months for a roughly five minute conversation. Is this cartoonist so bereft of ideas that such an inane plot-point must be stretched out ad nauseam? On the plus side, we should get about a week's worth of strips depicting Oola slapping Oop across his fat face for guessing incorrectly.

The Argyle Sweater

Justin Bieber invades the comics page. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is safe.

Betty

Pretty Humdrum if you're just watching TV and not using your phone to talk to your friends or to look up directions to someplace more interesting than the local Starbucks.

Bound and Gaged

I'm no expert on fairly tales, or even the Disney adaption of those fairy tales, but I'm pretty sure it was Snow White lying in a glass casket in the middle of the forest. Sleeping Beauty had nice digs in a castle somewhere.

Break of Day

While literal interpretations of common expressions can be a good source of humor and can result in some delightful absurdism, I'm fairly certain this strip illustrates the exact scenario from where this saying originated, and thus is not funny at all.

Love is

Run away, androgynous cherub-man! Run away!

Overboard

Lame pun aside, kudos to the Overboard crew for doing some actual pirating. It's been a long time.

The Grizzwells

Stomach churning innuendo of forest critter on forest critter action? Check. Irrational discussion of workplace activities despite no depiction of anything actually resembling work? Check. Yup, today's Grizzwells covers all its usual topics.

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Dirty M&M's

Agnes

So Agnes is a cruel, sadistic child that tortures and murders helpless ants? Sounds about right.

The Argyle Sweater

Ick. That Super Bowl commercial was disturbing enough. I don't want to know what the green M&M myth is. You all can look it up if you want, just don't tell me.

The Flying McCoys

This is a very odd scene. The artist apparently thought these gentlemen needed to be crazy (straight-jacket, padded room crazy at that) for the gag to work. I think it distracts if anything. Too many unanswered questions. (Why is a hard metal object allowed in an otherwise padded room? How did he draw a face on the trophy if his arms are bound?) The man bringing his new bride to his quiet suburban home in front of two gossiping neighbors probably would have been funnier.

Lola

Ack! Another example of M&M love! I used to like them too. Sigh.

Love Is

"Paralyzed from the waist down you say? Need special care and attention for the rest of your life? Okay, how about I just wheel you over to this corner and be on my way?"

The Grizzwells

So their job is to hang out in the woods and do nothing? I always thought it odd that the bear and porcupine talked frequently about their jobs, yet never seemed to go. Little did I know that they have been at work this whole time.

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