Blizzard of Comics

Whoo-hoo.  A rare day off as work is cancelled due to the impending blizzard here in the Northeast.  Time to peruse the comics and set my snark level to HIGH.  Hard to type with my fingers-crossed hoping this storm turns to rain and blows out to sea, but let's give it a shot: 

Bliss by Harry Bliss:

See, I say latched on.  I latched onto my wife and didn't let her shake me, no matter how hard she tried. Accept it and embrace, baldy. Attractive wives with less attractive guys is only supposed to happen in sitcoms, not real life. So if you're lucky enough to latch-on, don't ruin it by rolling your eyes and making that "disappointed" face.  Put your arm around her shoulder, say "Damn right I latched onto this sweet piece of ass, right here!) and let the glowering chick in the red sweater with the glass of wine have to make the uncomfortable "is he serious or joking? Do I chuckle? Are they fighting? Is he sarcastic?" face and then give a half-hearted chuckle/snort and walk away in embarrassment.   (Not that I've ever done this at a Christmas party at my wife's work or anything. Why do you ask?)

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Momma by Mell Lazarus:

This old bag (I never knew her name was Sonya--she doesn't look like a Sonya.  More of a Louise or Betty) is always complaining her grown children don't come to visit her. So she finally gets them all there for dinner (and no sign of her hated daughter-in-law) and what happens? Sonya/Momma is bitching and moaning about them sponging off her for dinner.  What else does she have to offer them? Scintillating conversation? 80 inch television? Pleasant demeanor? 

Food is what brings a family together. I hate to think of parents/in-laws complaining about family coming and visiting them.  So does that mean she really doesn't really want her miserable kids around?  Or, maybe she's just really a mean-spirited old biddy.

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Compu-toon by Charles Boyce:

Grammar police! Wheeeee-oooh-wheeeee-oooh! (Gotta validate that Liberal Arts degree my wife worked so hard to pay off).  Were these castaways wondering or wandering? If wandering, where the heck did they wander towards.  What is that on the left side of the panel under the sun? It looks like shrubbery. Are these idiots a 50 foot wade through waist-high water from the main land? What rescue options did they try? Are they IT Professionals? Is that the "Main menu" joke?  Maybe "joke" should be in quotes, as I'm missing the attempted humor here.

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Working It Out by Charlos Gary:

Remember when Starbucks started expanding across the country and the populace was enchanted and/or confused by terms like latte, venti, cappuccino, and grande?  Of course you don't, unless you're over 35 years old and remember 25 to 30 years ago when Starbucks exploded across the nation. Walk Like an Egyptian was the hit single and the Bangles were blowing up MTV.  More important than this outdated attempt at humor, I saw Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs on VH1 on one of those idiot shows that are great to put on the TV in the background when doing something else and I cannot believe that she is 53.  Not only that, but she married the geek who directed the Austin Powers movies, Jay Roach?  Did I mention not only is she 53, but Hoffs is still smoking hot. 


Fort Knox by Paul Jon:

This General is in the mood for some general cuddle-time around the fire with Army boy here. I don't see any graham crackers in hand, so which guy is the chocolate and which is the marshmallow? Didn't take long for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to end for the General to start making propositions. Look at the facial expression on Army boy in the last panel...he is FREAKING OUT AT THE PROSPECT OF "MAKING S'MORES" WITH HIS COMMANDING OFFICER.    


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

These freaky, naked Dutch folk (who were big in the late '70s/early '80s, as I recall) are actually wearing clothes! Praise the Lord, this Love is actually has the giant-head character wearing clothes. That's worth celebrating.


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Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers:

Humpty Dumpty was that kid in high school with the Pink Floyd t-shirt who was stoned all day? Don't seem to recall those kids having a bow-tie, bowler derby, and spats.  

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Fencing Tryouts

Adam@Home

Adam, 30 minutes is more than enough alone time with your wife.

B.C.

Since when do fence builders need agents?  Also, those other three are ready to go; no blunted tips for them!

Bottomliners

Aww... true story.

Fort Knox

Because being your Grandpa really isn't doing it for me, kid.

Overboard

There is an important life lesson here, and it is to never help anyone.

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Child Abuse and Sodomy Are Now Funny

Sorry I missed last week. I completely forgot about it then by the time I remembered I was like "what's the point?" but here are some strips for today. And you will get some strips tomorrow as well. Also, check out my site.

Adam @ Home

Ha! It's funny because Adam's about to have a gloved finger shoved up his butt.

Heathcliff

Is it just me or does anyone else think Heathcliff is getting really gross?

Fort Knox

Ha! It's funny because she's going to backhand her son.

The Doozies

Usually The Doozies are good for a chuckle. Good. Not great. But this one...this one is stretching it.

Frog Applause

You get to "cut and paste" and "photoshop" "comic" strips for living Person Who Does Frog Applause. You don't get to complain about your job.

Love Is...

So is she going to use his intestines as the spaghetti and his...well, you know...as the meatballs? "Love is...Cannibalism."

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Short and Sweet

It's Father's Day and you can barely tell it from today's comics. It is also Garfield's 33rd birthday today so he should really be dying soon and then Jon can get another cat that's a kitten that looks like Garfield and that soon becomes possessed by Garfield's spirit thus ensuring the strip goes on forever. Here's the link to today's Garfield strip and you can just imagine that Heathcliff is Garfield today.

Heathcliff

Fort Knox

Forget for moment that Grandma actually does need something and this strip is kind of mean. "Oh, thanks for calling Grandma. What do you need?" is kind of rude. And I'm not a fan of this strip but all the kids in do seem rather douchey from what I've read.

The Born Loser

"So when I take a bite, dial 9-1 then when I finish the sandwich, dial 1 again."

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Brutus Turns 45 and Two Comics' Editors Have Seemingly Given Up

We have got some amazing news that you may or may not have heard yet. MikeP mentioned earlier this week that Annie is coming to an end after 86 years. Now if only we could get rid of The Katzenjammer Kids. Also, the comic strip I have been neglecting lately on my own site has turned 45. The Born Loser is now 45 (how it got that old I have no idea) but I am proud of it because it has provided the bulk of Watch This Space for the last three years. You can view the official press release from United Media here. Also, join the Official Born Loser Facebook Fan Page if you dare.

The Born Loser 5/15/10 and 5/16/10

So we're supposed to assume that Brutus is indeed 45-years-old. I guess that makes sense. I guess the Brutus that was around from 1965 until 1989 was from Earth-2 and today's Brutus is from Earth-Prime.

In Wilberforce's defense, the coach said nothing about having to take the donut off.

Curtis and Dennis the Menace 5/16/10


Two strips with old people complaining about technology and how it's made everyone fat and lazy. Also, how menacing of Dennis to help a senior citizen learn to use a computer. Next thing you know Dennis will be helping set up Mr. Wilson's Facebook account and getting in touch with the class of 1947.

Also, how come Curtis says he's going to drop in on Gunther's Barbershop when it's clear he's there for a haircut?

Blondie 5/16/10

Yeah, Dagwood may be fired today but I'm pretty we will see him at work with J.C. Dithers some time in the next week. Continuity in the comic strips is teh s uck.

Girls & Sports 5/16/10

Hmm, I don't know what part of that yellow shirt screams blue but Bradley is a terrible friend no matter how many times he helps Marshall get laid.

Fort Knox 5/16/10

Last time I checked, it was called the Presidential Physical Fitness Test, not the Presidential Phyisical Fitness Test.

Sweet Lord, these things have editors still, right?

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Hot Young Swedish Teachers

It's late in the day, and if you haven't checked The Underfold out... you may be missing out on something that could save your life. No guarantees, but still.

Let's start some comics reviews, shall we?

Fort Knox (03.29.10)

Fine, since no one else is saying it, I will: This joke would be funnier if it was a MATH group.

F Minus (03.29.10)

I doubt it. They're never going to be as good at playing guitar because of their -1 finger situation, also their guitars have no strings. On another note, what's that guy in the vest and khakis so pissed about? He clearly doesn't understand rock and roll himself. The other guy is either Moby or the lead singer from Smashing Pumpkins. Either way, these guys are waaay too okay with aliens.

Daddy's Home (03.29.10)

If he's yelling about it, it sure seems like he's serious. Most of the time, this age-old joke is used with a more appropriate mumbling of the last line. Either way, this is a really old joke and needs to be retired. NO ONE LIKES SCHOOL.

Cow & Boy (03.29.10)

This is a serious stretch. You need more Fonzie references for this to really work. As of right now... it's just a cheap shot at the name, and that's kind of lame. This is when non-political comics try to be political... and fail.

Betty (03.29.10)

WHAT THE IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING HERE!? I have zero clue what this comic is supposed to be and where it's joke is and if it's supposed to be funny or avante garde. Either way, the one thing it does accomplish is being stupid.

Ben (03.29.10)

Jokes about retarded kids just aren't funny.

Big Nate (03.29.10)

Unless "jelly donut" is code for something, this joke is dumb. This guy is obviously disappointed that none of the kids are turned on by his rotund physique, bald head and pedophile mustache, and would rather have a young Swedish teachers. Notice the lack of gender declaration though... this whole thing is a big gay pedophile joke waiting to blossom.

The end.

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