Love Is Cob Marley 'Round the Mulberry Bush

by Hal Bent

OK, no time to dawdle...time for the comic strips!

Rubes by Leigh Rubin:

Now that is just perfect.  Everyone knows "Pop Goes the Weasel", a classic: Then, BAM! punchline, and it's a poop joke (you can't go wrong with the poop jokes!).  I'm loving the facial expressions on the monkey and weasel.  Just wrapping it all up in a funny comic that made me laugh out loud.


Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers:

I love the dog's facial expression on finding the cat food. Just lovely.  However, if that were my dog, he'd be doing cartwheels as all he eats is cat food.  He'll have treats and stuff, but he's a finicky, spoiled brat.  All the dog foods we bought him when we got him, he turned his nose up and went to the cat food bowl.  So now, he has steals people food and eats the cat food. So, yeah, one dog  would be happy.


Jen Sorensen by Jen Sorensen:

This is great!  I so want a Mountain Dewbie. Boo-yah. (No, I'm a diabetic, so I'd probably die. I do like the Cob Marley, though). 


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

Normally, being grabbed by a naked woman after graduation is either a Porky's movie or the beginning of a porno, but Love Is somehow manages to ruin the whole thought. Thanks, Love is!  Ruin a vague memory of a Porky's movie or porno I watched and.or had a dream about a long time ago, or something. 

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Blizzard of Comics

Whoo-hoo.  A rare day off as work is cancelled due to the impending blizzard here in the Northeast.  Time to peruse the comics and set my snark level to HIGH.  Hard to type with my fingers-crossed hoping this storm turns to rain and blows out to sea, but let's give it a shot: 

Bliss by Harry Bliss:

See, I say latched on.  I latched onto my wife and didn't let her shake me, no matter how hard she tried. Accept it and embrace, baldy. Attractive wives with less attractive guys is only supposed to happen in sitcoms, not real life. So if you're lucky enough to latch-on, don't ruin it by rolling your eyes and making that "disappointed" face.  Put your arm around her shoulder, say "Damn right I latched onto this sweet piece of ass, right here!) and let the glowering chick in the red sweater with the glass of wine have to make the uncomfortable "is he serious or joking? Do I chuckle? Are they fighting? Is he sarcastic?" face and then give a half-hearted chuckle/snort and walk away in embarrassment.   (Not that I've ever done this at a Christmas party at my wife's work or anything. Why do you ask?)

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Momma by Mell Lazarus:

This old bag (I never knew her name was Sonya--she doesn't look like a Sonya.  More of a Louise or Betty) is always complaining her grown children don't come to visit her. So she finally gets them all there for dinner (and no sign of her hated daughter-in-law) and what happens? Sonya/Momma is bitching and moaning about them sponging off her for dinner.  What else does she have to offer them? Scintillating conversation? 80 inch television? Pleasant demeanor? 

Food is what brings a family together. I hate to think of parents/in-laws complaining about family coming and visiting them.  So does that mean she really doesn't really want her miserable kids around?  Or, maybe she's just really a mean-spirited old biddy.

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Compu-toon by Charles Boyce:

Grammar police! Wheeeee-oooh-wheeeee-oooh! (Gotta validate that Liberal Arts degree my wife worked so hard to pay off).  Were these castaways wondering or wandering? If wandering, where the heck did they wander towards.  What is that on the left side of the panel under the sun? It looks like shrubbery. Are these idiots a 50 foot wade through waist-high water from the main land? What rescue options did they try? Are they IT Professionals? Is that the "Main menu" joke?  Maybe "joke" should be in quotes, as I'm missing the attempted humor here.

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Working It Out by Charlos Gary:

Remember when Starbucks started expanding across the country and the populace was enchanted and/or confused by terms like latte, venti, cappuccino, and grande?  Of course you don't, unless you're over 35 years old and remember 25 to 30 years ago when Starbucks exploded across the nation. Walk Like an Egyptian was the hit single and the Bangles were blowing up MTV.  More important than this outdated attempt at humor, I saw Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs on VH1 on one of those idiot shows that are great to put on the TV in the background when doing something else and I cannot believe that she is 53.  Not only that, but she married the geek who directed the Austin Powers movies, Jay Roach?  Did I mention not only is she 53, but Hoffs is still smoking hot. 


Fort Knox by Paul Jon:

This General is in the mood for some general cuddle-time around the fire with Army boy here. I don't see any graham crackers in hand, so which guy is the chocolate and which is the marshmallow? Didn't take long for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to end for the General to start making propositions. Look at the facial expression on Army boy in the last panel...he is FREAKING OUT AT THE PROSPECT OF "MAKING S'MORES" WITH HIS COMMANDING OFFICER.    


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey:

These freaky, naked Dutch folk (who were big in the late '70s/early '80s, as I recall) are actually wearing clothes! Praise the Lord, this Love is actually has the giant-head character wearing clothes. That's worth celebrating.


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Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers:

Humpty Dumpty was that kid in high school with the Pink Floyd t-shirt who was stoned all day? Don't seem to recall those kids having a bow-tie, bowler derby, and spats.  

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Of Human Bondage

Boomerangs

Pun alert! And it involves the name of the author of a nearly 100 year old book!  With dry humor like this, why isn't Boomerangs still pumping out new strips?

Bound and Gaged

I don't believe inmates are allowed cell phones and other such electronics, so most likely what the man on the floor has in his hand is a bar of soap carved into the shape of an iPhone—carved for the express purpose of annoying his cell mate with this inane pun.  Mission accomplished.  Though he should be careful, lest he wind up with those 4 bars shoved somewhere unpleasant.

Broom Hilda

What's wrong with Broom Hilda flying on her broomstick?  She is a a witch with magical powers after all.  She should be able to save all kinds in travel expenses.

Jump Start

Looks like the food truck craze has finally found its way to the comics page.  Hmm... I'm a bit hungry, I could go for some "Mobile Gourmet Food" right about now.

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Supersize Man

The Born Loser

You don't see much human contact or affection in The Born Loser.  It's rather unsettling.

Bound and Gagged

It's funny because this man is a simpleton who never took high school biology.  Though I suppose that makes him a perfect test subject for Buzzy's horrific genetic experiments.

Cornered

Judging from the size of his waistline, it appears Superman has been supersizing it for quite some time.

The Flying McCoys

Wow.  That has to be the perfect example of "cruel and unusual" punishment.

Loose Parts

Not so much "insensitive" as "I hate you all, why don't you dunk your head in this electrified water and drop dead!"

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Morbid Obesity and Shaq Carpeting

Baldo

Tia Carmen is old—a few nips from the bottle won't hurt her much probably.  Cruz, on the other hand, is developing terrible habits that could lead to severe health problems down the road.  Look at his heavy-lidded stare in panels one and two:  just a teenager and already his obesity has made him listless and lethargic!

The Born Looser

"And on a totally unrelated note: if the neighbor calls, I may have set some these eggs free on his house."

Bound and Gagged

What's the joke here? I guess it's funny because vampires sleep every day in a confined space, thus making the doctor's question rather silly.  I was going to suggest that a doctor performing a blood test while also asking the vampire if he's squeamish at the sight of blood might be a more obvious execution of this gag, but then I remembered that vampires don't have their own blood, so never mind.

Brevity

Does anyone actually choose to install shag carpeting these days?  Rather retro-ish, no?  Regardless, having multiple etchings from the Kazaam poster on your floor is surely an improvement.

Lola

What's Lola doing picking up coffee on her way to a coffee shop?  Makes no sense!

The Grizzwells

So did the bear and porcupine find the fish in the garbage or did they catch it somewhere else and just like hanging around a turned over trashcan?  Knowing how lazy these guys are, my bet is that they raided the trash for the fish.  But who throws away whole fish?  By all rights, these two should have starved to death long ago.

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Wednesday Roundup

Alley Oop

Really? It's been nearly two months since this "I can't tell which of these women is my special lady friend because I'm pea-brained moron" plot-line started. That's two months for a roughly five minute conversation. Is this cartoonist so bereft of ideas that such an inane plot-point must be stretched out ad nauseam? On the plus side, we should get about a week's worth of strips depicting Oola slapping Oop across his fat face for guessing incorrectly.

The Argyle Sweater

Justin Bieber invades the comics page. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is safe.

Betty

Pretty Humdrum if you're just watching TV and not using your phone to talk to your friends or to look up directions to someplace more interesting than the local Starbucks.

Bound and Gaged

I'm no expert on fairly tales, or even the Disney adaption of those fairy tales, but I'm pretty sure it was Snow White lying in a glass casket in the middle of the forest. Sleeping Beauty had nice digs in a castle somewhere.

Break of Day

While literal interpretations of common expressions can be a good source of humor and can result in some delightful absurdism, I'm fairly certain this strip illustrates the exact scenario from where this saying originated, and thus is not funny at all.

Love is

Run away, androgynous cherub-man! Run away!

Overboard

Lame pun aside, kudos to the Overboard crew for doing some actual pirating. It's been a long time.

The Grizzwells

Stomach churning innuendo of forest critter on forest critter action? Check. Irrational discussion of workplace activities despite no depiction of anything actually resembling work? Check. Yup, today's Grizzwells covers all its usual topics.

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FoxTrot 9/26/10

I find it hard to believe, knowing Jason and reading FoxTrot since it started, that Jason does not already have any of this stuff.

Pluggers 9/26/10

I love cemeteries as much as the next guy but I find this a bit creepy.

Dick Tracy 9/26/10

"Speaking of sniffing, does my finger smell odd to you?"

Bound & Gagged 9/26/10

Benadryl is an allergy medicine which, after I looked it up on Wikipedia, can also help alleviate airsickness. I'm wondering why the cartoonist chose Benadryl instead of the more commonly used Dramamine.

Born Loser 9/26/10

Wow! That's pretty daring to say that to your mother-in-law. I'm just wondering why Mother Gargle cares considering Brutus does work hard all week. It's not like Brutus just stays at home all week watching reruns on TBS and goofing around on his crappy blog making his wife work and bring home the bacon like a certain comic strip commentator used to do.*




*Me.

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I had a garage sale yesterday and while we didn't do amazing, we did meet a pot-smoking Santa Claus.  He only plays Santa around the holiday season and focuses on pot-smoking the rest of the time (he wrote a book!).  He drives a red Chrysler LeBaron convertible with a wood colored sleigh details so the garage sale wasn't a complete disappointment.  Also, next week I won't be around as I will be in Chicago for the Jason Mraz-Dave Matthews Band concert at Wrigley Field.  I will also be going to the Willis Tower, the Art Institute, Millennium Park and doing a Lake Michigan cruise.  It should be fun.  Enjoy today's comics.

B.C. 9/12/10

Pretty sure Veliciraptors now have feathers. Which is something you would think someone who drew a strip about cavemen would know.

Bound and Gagged 9/12/10

Has anyone else noticed that Death (or Grim Reaper) tends to make a lot of mistakes in comic strips? I hope in real life, Death is a little better at his job.

Panel from Dick Tracy 9/12/10

I hate when children suddenly materialize from brick walls at crosswalks. I think if they spontaneously materialize from solid objects then it is their own fault that I ran them down with my car.

Girls & Sports 9/12/10

That fifth panel is possibly the gayest panel I've ever seen in this strip. And there's been a lot of gay panels in this strip.

Adam @ Home 9/12/10

I know they are talking about hockey but other than that I have no idea what's going on here.

The Born Loser 9/12/10

Brutus was there.

Ha, but seriously, so does this mean Wilberforce and Hattie have a new teacher that's not Ms. Fungus? I'll believe it when I see it.

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While I Breathe, I Hope

There's going to be some new stuff up at my own site starting on April 1st so you should go check it out. My writing is not going very good but what I do for mindless procrastination is going swimmingly. Onto the Sunday comics.

Soup to Nutz 3/28/10

In elementary school I was in a spelling bee and the word I got was "gaudy" and I had never heard that word before because I was only seven or eight. So I spelled it "g-o-d-d-y" and lost. I have yet to live it down and it happened twenty damn years ago.

Henry 3/28/10

Oh, sweet Lord. This is more disturbing than I ever thought possible. I need to go wash my eyes out with bleach now. Be right back.

Amazing Spider-Man 3/28/10

Yeah! You know what this means? New York can get along just fine without Spider-Man or Peter Parker because there are over a dozen other heroes that can pick up the slack.

Dipshit.

Real Life Adventures 3/28/10

The thing is, I think a lot of the teabaggers are already pretty drunk. We're just lucky they aren't armed......this time.

Pluggers 3/28/10

Do they only deserve every penny because they have dangerous jobs or because their job is to paint flagpoles? I'm guessing the latter.

Also, South Carolina? The state where their governor uses tax payer money to fly down to Argentina to visit his mistress, the lieutenant governor compared poor people (re: black people) to stray animals and people routinely have sex with horses? Yeah, that's patriotic.

Family Circus 3/28/10

I'm 95% certain that the adults in the Keane Kompound have received their Census form but just wrote "None of Your Business" across it in a thick, black Sharpie which resulted in getting a visit from a Census worker but I have other issues with this comic.

I currently work for the Census and first of all, it doesn't ask for your occupation. Second, Census workers now use computers. I realize Bil probably remembers when the Census asked how many slaves you own but all this stuff can easily be looked up.

And now for two comics that I don't understand:
Birdbrains and Bound and Gagged 3/28/10


Did that crow marry a scarecrow or am I missing something? Also, if Red Riding Hood was "packing heat", wouldn't that be just a gun? Did Red shoot the wolf in the arm and the ear or does this comic strip person not know what that phrase means? I'm mainly baffled by the crow-slash-divorce attorney comic.

Today's post is brought to you by the South Carolina Visitor's Bureau: "Please visit. Please? We also gave you Dizzy Gillespie, Jasper Johns and Stephen Colbert so you owe us!" Want to sponsor a post? Get a hold of me somehow, like email: east_of_eden1983[at]yahoo.com.

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