Funday Sunnies

by Hal Bent

Its Sunday, time for the Funday Sunnies.  A little matricide, a little cross-comics non-humor, some disgusting body hair, and a pinch of unattractive weirdos.  Sounds about right for the comic strips. Enjoy!

Thatababy by Paul Trap:

What is wrong with this comic? 
#1: What time is service that they don't have time to read the newspaper before church? If they have a baby, they aren't sleeping in anytime soon. Rushing home to read the newspaper? That would be quaint in a Norman Rockwell painting.
#2: Umm, read the comics on a computer, maybe?  I love newspapers, but I have long since given up buying them. Let alone wait all day to read something in this Internet age.
#3: In the comic strip, there is no doctor/hospital activity ever going on in Rex Morgan, M.D.  Ever.  It's just bitchy rich people with bitchy rich people problems. 


Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

"Remember those days when we were ugly and unattractive?"  
"Yeah, those were great days."
"Both of us too hideous to find another suitable mate.  Rejected by everyone else on those new-fangled dating websites."
"I miss AOL dial-up."
"Now we're still unattractive, with the same terrible personalities.."
"But we have each other!"

Ahh, a true love story, Betty style.


Momma by Mell Lazarus:

The fact that none of these idiot kids pushed the old wind-bag in and started shoveling is god-damn travesty considering how verbally abusive and mean she is to them.  The hole is dug, the hard work is done.  DO IT ALREADY!  END THE MISERABLE COMIC STRIP NOW!


Adam@Home by Brian Basset:

So first panel gives an up-the-nostril view of Adam with his fat stomach poking out under his shirt, then we the readers are forced to endure tales of his body hair.  Look at his expression in the last panel, this pig enjoys nothing more than regaling family with stories of his disgusting body.  Thank God these panels end, before he gets talking about more *cough cough* personal areas. 

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Saturday Specials

by Hal Bent

Welcome to the weekend! Apparently, the theme of the day in the newspaper comics is to have guys sitting on the coach.  Well, that's original. Oh yeah, I threw in some Born Loser, because that strip just raises my dander. 


Thatababy by Paul Trap:

"This Old House" because referencing a television show that was popular when Ronald Reagan defeated Jimmy Carter in the presidential election is how one connects their comic strip about a couple with a newborn baby to their audience.  Oh, wait, the couples creating a family are in the age range where they weren't born yet when Reagan left office, let alone when Carter left office.


Reality Check by Dave Whamond:

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly:

Yup, it's all about spaced-out fathers/husbands in a daze on the couch watching television, the drug of a nation. No laptop, no iPad, no other device. Out of date? Check. OK, let's keep the couch theme going!


Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

Gotta give props to Betty today: with that sentence construction in the second panel setting up the punchline in the third panel, I am excited to see next week's strips where the husband uses his phone to productively search craigslist and the personal sites for the white man he presumably is adding to his marriage.  I refer back to the first panel, as the husband's double-entendre is referencing what kink will be ongoing once he works out the kinks.  


Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom:

Umm, the answer is corn syrup.  Manufacturers load ketchup (and catsup) with high-fructose corn syrup (aka sugar) to sweeten it enough for the American public and their never-ending quest for the consumption of sweets.

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The Daily Comics Review: Terrible Tuesday

by Hal Bent

Tuesdays are terrible: They're like Mondays on steroids.  So Tuesday is now "Terrible Tuesday" and served with extra snark.  Speaking of terrible, I hate those LasVegas.com commercials with the guy named LasVegas.com. That's just stupid and annoying.  It has nothing to do with comics, but I just had to vent. Sorry, you get stuck reading it because it's Terrible Tuesday already.

Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

I think the dialogue here is lacking.  It doesn't exactly sound like a conversation real human beings would have.  Hmmm, what if they were robots? 
MAN: You are losing weight. I am still fat, unattractive, and have a huge nose.
WOMAN: I am ugly as sin and have 1957 glasses, but not as fat as you are. 
WOMAN: Therefore, I have posted my profile on dating websites and have received replies.
MAN: Holy crap. You are attractive to other people now that you are not obese?
WOMAN: Compared to your fat ass, apparently the answer is yes. 

Everything is better with robots!


Ziggy by Tom Wilson & Tom II:

Also, you'll be in my basement. In a hole. With your hands tied behind your back. And I broadcast it at a subscription rate to other Ziggy-haters.  I got seed money from some guy named Bent.  (Some day I'm gonna get a serious Ziggy fan to stumble across this site who will seethe in anger and tear me apart in the comments and on his/her own blog.  THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC!)


Pluggers by Gary Brookins:

Which means this fat Rhino Plugger is still fat, hasn't lost the weight his Doctor begged him too, is likely diabetic, eats at McDonalds five or six meals a week, doesn't get regular exercise, and is a walking health hazard who will cost the taxpayers and his future Union brothers millions as they over-run premiums and tax the healthcare system. Hold your heads up high, Pluggers. You are ruining America. Whoo-hoo! Represent!


Barney & Clyde by Gene Weingarten, Dan Weingarten & David Clark:

I usually like puns.  That said, this one does involve peeing, so despite the horrible pun, it passes the sniff test.  That said, it reminds me of a story about horrible puns. OK, I lied, it reminds of a story about peeing, and yoga.  Umm, you know what, that's a bad idea. I'm gonna stop now.

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Friday Funnies

It's Friday!  Friday should be the best comics of the week...story lines wrapping up, highest readers other than stand-alone Sundays, and syndicates juggling dailies for the best of the bunch.  Here's five funnies for Friday:

Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

Here's an idea, you two fat twits: go to a Doctor and ask him about the effects of a high wheat diet.  If there was a Doctor who had half a brain, he'd tell tubby here that he was at risk for a number of health issues due to his weight and especially due to his shape and storing fat in his belly. Maybe he's been going to the same idiot Doctors I went to for years begging them to help me lose weight.  I remember one who said "take it easy on the McDonalds, y'know. Heck, you're skinnier than I am! Huh-hah."  Then I finally found a Doctor who actually knew a thing or two and one proper diagnosis later I'm 60 pounds lighter and 100 times healthier.  But, hey, what the heck, let green sweater here keep filling up on those empty carbohydrates until he drives up health premiums even higher. 


Bewley by Anthony Blades: 

I only put this one here because it reminded me of yesterday when I had my kids at their grandparents and we were sitting in the living room when we went to pick them up.  My 9 year-old daughter made a comment about marriage or something, and my 11 year-old son pipes up "well, first you need to learn how to stimulate a man." IN FRONT OF HIS GRAND-PARENTS!  He later explained it as "I learned it in health class", but my parents had a heck of a laugh over that conversation. But like this comic, that's how I felt. "Good idea, son. Tell me all about the birds and bees!"


Close to Home by John McPherson:

Anyone who has ever worked in a call center will enjoy this Close to Home.  Hearing "I was on hold for XX minutes, what the #*@&^% are 'you people' doing there?"  I like to think that all of those options in the comic are running through their head.  


Love Is... by Kim Casali, conceived by and drawn by Bill Asprey;

Wait.  What??? Does that..wow. Follow your heart, don't go black? Is that the message? Black thoughts?  Think love, not black thoughts. How about "evil" instead, or something other than "black" that may have racial connotations. Is there an editor looking at these? Yeesh. 


Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler:

What are those the not nice words? She's showing him out in the morning, right? Otherwise he'd be calling her on the phone or texting her.  So what's the story? Sexually incompatible? Selfish? (I'm trying so hard to be nice here and not type anything inappropriate here.)  Of course, I have no ideas about the relationship of these two individuals.  This could be a nosy neighbor asking about those "goat noises" he thought he heard.  Maybe this guy is just picking-up his carpooling co-worker and he saw who she was with at last call?  This comic just gets more and more interesting the more I think about it!


Have a great weekend, all!  Thanks as always for reading!

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Valentine's Day Massacre

Happy Valentine's Day! Let's hope everyone spent lots of money to stimulate the economy (because nothing says eternal love like flowers that die in two days and sugar and cocoa snacks high in saturated fats and carbohydrates). I know, I missed yesterday. C'est la vie. Let's get to it!

Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos:

If you are not a regular Baldo reader (and really, why would anyone be reading Baldo on a regular basis?), you will be confused by this love-themed Valentine's Day cartoon as Baldo's fat friend (I really can't expend the brain cells to remember his name) is in love with a scooter or some nonsense.  It has a female personality and screen with a female face and tubs of love here is goo-goo gaga-gaga over the mechanical device.  Apparently he does obscene things with the motor, as far as I can tell about the final panel.

Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

Hmm, the comics with a Valentine's Day theme seem geared towards fat guys with disturbing machine issues. This tub of fun bought his not-very-attractive wife a rowing machine.  Um, I can't imagine a wife being too thrilled about getting a rowing machine. "Dear, your arms and body shape are pretty manly, so I got you a rowing machine to really give you that broad-shouldered look."  Nope, does not go over like this in real life. 

Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom:

OK, so it's a definite theme.  Unattractive people are going to consume candy and give sad gifts.  Then they will risk the future of mankind by engaging in reproductive practices.  END IT! STOP THE VALENTINE'S DAY MADNESS!

Broom Hilda by Russell Myers:

Well, at least these hideous creatures will not be reproducing in some bizarre cross-species three-way  this Valentine's Day.

 Café con Leche by Charlos Gary:

Welcome to the real America on Valentine's Day!  "Yeah, here's my effort. I spent some money on an empty gesture as required by society, and I won't lower myself to say I love you, either. But here's a weak attempt. Can I go back to doing what I want to do and detesting you?" How depressing.

Daddy's Home by Tony Rubino and Gary Markstein:

It's funny because she finds her husband unattractive and has lost all interest in having any kind of physical relationship and was hoping for a box of chocolates she could re-gift to young worker in the mail room she meets for occasional relations.

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Well, that was depressing.  Hope everyone has a better Valentine's Day than the comics page characters!  Thanks for reading!

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Herding Cats

Arlo and Janis

Congratulations Arlo!  You've successfully herded a single cat straight to his food dish.

The Barn

Pork Bellies are down?  How can that be?  They're delicious!  I'm sure it's just a temporary blip in an otherwise upward trend.

Betty

And it's hard to feel ridiculous when you're doing what 9 out of 10 people on their lunch breaks do.  The man in the orange shirt isn't looking over at Betty because he is silently judging her; rather, he is jealous of her download speeds and wishes he was watching TV on his phone instead of being stuck a boring conversation with his hipster acquaintance.

The Flying McCoy's

He also gets to have his arms violently ripped from their sockets.

Frazz

I'm not sure why the teacher would be thanking Caulfield for being very rude in class.  Perhaps she is preemptively thanking him for setting up Frazz's witty punchline in panel three.

Herb and Jamaal

Apparently, Herb enjoys being a dick to complete strangers.  Run away Herb!  They may be lost, but I bet they can find their way back to that corner to kick your ass.

Rubes

This comic is funny because it depicts a doctor about to beat a poor apple vendor to death with a baseball bat.  Yes, the physician will be kept away—kept (locked) away for a long, long time.

Ziggy

"I'm the star of this comic strip! Got it?!  If anyone is going to be fat and lazy it's me!"

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Milk Comes From Cows

Baldo

Yes, milk comes from cows. Bwahahahhaha!

Betty

Whoa.  Of all the job loss story lines that have been proliferating through the comics lately, I'd have to say that Betty being laid off by her best friend is the harshest.  I mean, it wasn't even that long ago that Alex was hired by Betty's company.

Herb and Jamaal

I guess according the creators of Herb and Jamaal, wearing "expensive designer logo clothes" means dressing up like Kim Jong Il.

Luann

Luann:  the only comic strip that makes sexual awkwardness a staple.

The Grizzwells

Finally, a clear job description for the daily grind of these two characters: eat, sleep.  Now, what do they do in their time off?

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Creepy Ponytails and Deodorant Trees

Betty

I'm not sure if the hipster glasses and the creepy ponytail are supposed to visually signify that this waiter is also a writer—I've noticed that the ancillary characters in this strip tend to have weird hair and looks.  Last week we saw squiggly hair guy; this week it's unfashionable ponytail man.

F Minus

What cracks me up is the thumbs-up and slight smile from the guy washing the dishes.  "No worries, I'm no threat to you, I'm just here to wash the dishes and perform other household chores... oh, and to have sex with your wife."

Love Is

Maybe if he had skills other than staring, love-struck, into his androgynous cherub soul-mate's eyes, he'd be more employable.

The Grizzwells

Good to know:  the critters in this strip are lazy and they smell bad.

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Fast Clocks and Useless Librarians

Adam@Home

A lot of people like to play this little trick on themselves; it isn't so unusual.  My question is why, after so many years of marriage, are they just arguing about this now?  Also, why is Adam the one setting clocks ahead?  He's the one that works from home, it's not like he needs to be anywhere.

Barney & Clyde

 Harold has no sense of humor, but he must at least have some sense of irony, judging from his ridiculous flat-top hair cut.

Betty

A smoke break? Guess who's getting laid off next for raising the insurance premiums, spending too much time outside, and for having bad breath? Mr. Squiggle-Hair, that's who!  Say, that's a nice pocket protector you've got there, is it company issued?

Diamond Lil

Just what I needed to read about in the comics this afternoon:  promiscuous old ladies with weird rashes.  Ug.  It cannot be unread.

Farcus

This comic poses several of unanswered questions.  Since when is a title not enough to locate a book?  Why does a priest need to check out the Bible from the library?  He already should have lots of his own copies.  And lastly, why is this comic funny? Dumb librarians must be hysterical, I guess.

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It Doesn't Matter If You're Black and White

Animal Crackers

Well, everything in your world IS in black and white, Mr. Unidentifiable-Animal-Thing.  Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the coloring book "industry"—I'm sure the publishing companies that spit out those toddler scribble pages have varied enough projects that they'll survive the Color Apocalypse.  Now, the Crayon Industry on the other hand...

Ballard Street

I shudder to think of what horrid mound of white flesh is disturbing enough to freak out that poor dog.

Betty

Whoa!  Did Betty's friend just give her a not-so-subtle jab there at the end? "Surprise, surprise.  I'm intelligent and well-spoken, unlike some people *cough*you*cough*. 'Funny friend' my ass!"

The Flying McCoys

Yes, this was a Superman diarrhea joke.  Fun times.

The Grizzwells

I guess it should come as no surprise that the bear's laziness extends to his parenting as well.  "The little tyke has been so annoying lately, I think I'll just avoid him altogether.  Ah... I feel better. I must be doing a good job!"

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