Manic Monday

by Hal Bent

I realize I should change the Monday Daily Comics Review title from Manic Monday to Monday Funday, if only because I spend the rest of the evening getting odd looks from my wife as I hum Bangles tunes like it was 1987.  Too late, I'm already humming along: "I wish it was Sunday!"

Fred Basset by Alex Graham:

Sorry, no choice but to cal you out: Now that's what I call mailing it in!  Somewhere a smart, new comic is deprived precious newspaper space to print this drivel. 


For Heaven's Sake by Mike Morgan:

What the? I don' t look anything like this "Hal". Though that is a rocking mustache.  While I'm at this comic (which I usually blatantly ignore) what is the deal with the main priest character? Is he a chicken?  Is he supposed to be a chicken-man? He looks like Garfield's Jim Davis was contracted to draw a man-chicken priest. 


Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom:

In comics news today,the entire community of print comics mourns the loss of Brutus, the Born Loser.  Now, the dead loser after having a catastrophic heart attack while at his annual physical, the strip has been renamed "the Dead Loser" and will focus on casket, mortuary, and funeral humor involving his widow, a man-beast of a wife, and his child, whose dutch haircut threw me off for the first ten years I read comics and this reader and commentator believed was a pre-pubescent girl. Wait...that sounds better than this boring comic that peaked in 1979. 


Birdbrains by Thom Bluemel:

I really don't know what to say about this comic.  I can't ignore it, but it's not really funny or anything. Maybe it's that the creator drew a female bee with boobs (they're not boobies, they're bee-boobs); maybe it's the waggling antennae, slumped forward posture, and drool from the horney bee; Maybe its that hiney bee is so out of place.  How about a harpy bee, with claws and bird of prey design?  No, it's definitely the drool.


Alley Oop by Jack and Carole Bender:

After an entire week of a caveman lawyer introducing himself to various cavemen and being disgusted that none of them know what an attorney is and does, the "joke" continues this week with the "hilarity" continuing, just in case anyone missed all the "humor" last week. After investing more time than this "hilarious" strip deserves, I will be very, very angry if this ends with anything other than this Mel Brooks look-alike lawyer getting what all lawyers deserve: his head prominently displayed on a pike.

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Monday Remembered

Meekrat here again, with more comic stuff. Rubes

I think this joke may have worked better without the word balloons.

For Heaven's Sake

Credit where it's due, this isn't a bad joke so much as it is a really poorly-executed one. The composition is terrible and is the priest on the lacrosse field? Is Hal playing lacrosse in the church? Why does the priest look like fat drunken Dilbert? We shall never know these answers.

The Wizard of Id

I know this strip has a history of anachronism, but this is just carrying it to an absurd degree. So I'm just going to imagine this as a guy getting sent back to the time of Id and winding up on a golf course.

Weird Synchronicity: Ballard Street and Cul de Sac

Who'd have thought sink-holes would provide so much fodder?

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Revisiting Old Foes... but not really.

Meekrat is here again, and soon I will have things to promote again! MWA HA HA! For now, just read these reviews.


Pearls Before Swine

First off, Stephan Pastis is doing a reader interaction thing. There's no voting thing on his Facebook page yet, but soon, maybe? I wonder if the strip actually takes place in Pearlswood, though. Also, there's a Neighbor Bob AND a Bob and Patty? Methinks one of those Bobs needs to be taken out.

Frazz

You're not British, Frazz. Don't call it a loo.

Frank and Ernest

Frank and Ernest have a serious problem if, upon discovering the Lost Continent of Atlantis, their first instinct is to make a pun about a letter that has fallen off the sign.

Alley Oop

I just wanted to point out that guy in the second panel. Not many of these people have realistic body structures, but look at that guy. He has a tiny head and his body is all lumpy.

For Heaven's Sake

I guess this was a weekly thing or something. It's worth noting that the character in the second panel looks just as surprised at the terribleness of the joke as I was. I'm sure this won't be the last time we see this strip here on Mondays, as it's replaced "Girls and Sports" as my most hated strip, especially since that strip is gone now. Looking at that made me nostalgic for my old enemies, like The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee and the strips I used to blog about on my own time. Out of all of them, only The Phantom was interesting at all:

Not bad, but hey, luchadores. That's worth noting.

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Fashionably Late

It's Meekrat, and I actually remembered today was Monday! I remembered much earlier, but only had time to finish half the post before I had to go to work. Well, here's some review:

Rubes

I know the rhyme they're trying to evoke, but the joke doesn't work because all three children are different. Yes, one is a piece of silverware as opposed to a dish, but they're all different things when the parents are two spoons. If one parent had been a fork, it may have been different, but it's not. Also, wouldn't a fork/spoon pairing bring forth a spork, anyway?

Garfield

It's always nice to see Garfield not take place in one of its usual locations. It reminds me of the old cartoon, and when the strip was much better so many years ago.

F-Minus

You'd have to be tough, as every other animal would torment you endlessly. I also have no idea if that's a cat or dog.

Cow and Boy

Today, we have technology so advanced that we can use it for the most useless of tasks, like Twitter. Really, if you went back to even the seventies and told people there'd one day be the Internet and we'd use it for such foolishness, they'd be amazed and frightened. You'd likely end up in jail, or an asylum, as well.

B. C.

If you told them this strip was still running, though, they'd wonder why they should care. This is the first strip I can remember that didn't utilize one of its regular characters or tropes, featuring the raptors that have become so prevalent since the new guy took over.

For Heaven's Sake

For one, Jesus advocated that they shouldn't do eye for an eye and all that anymore. I looked it up! Second, the upside down dialog in the second panel is just dumb. No one is going to take that much effort to read such a lame punchline. I hate this strip.

Lio

On the flip side of God-ness, we have Lio staying true to character and not caring about any old thing. Good for you, Lio!

Well, that's it for today. Tune in tomorrow when there'll be more stuff!

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Hit List Grows and Shrinks

Meekrat again. Here's some stuff.

For Heaven's Sake, 07/25

Apparently, while I wasn't posting on here perennial punching-bag "Girls and Sports" was cancelled. With the similar demise of "Cleats" most of my hated comic strips are getting the axe. Unfortunately, new ones are popping up, like this one. This one is particularly terrible, since I'm reasonably sure church-going is at an all-time low in America and any good church-going man would never hit a lady. Also, why is he speaking in the first panel and thinking in the second? It's not as if they didn't hear his initial line.

Herb and Jamaal, 07/25

Those are huge Oreos. Also, it's rather amazing that they called them by name and not "Sandwich Cookie" or something.

Pearls Before Swine, 07/25

I just think the Mafia Frog is adorable.

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Heathcliff: No One Should

It's Meekrat, doing Mondays now, and you should read my site. There's a new comic up there. So yeah, here's some comic reviews:

Close to Home, 07/18

It's not a bad joke, but the caption for it is really clumsy. All we really need to know is that he's a doctor, while the bypass stuff is simply extraneous information. Perhaps a better way to tell it would simply to have the doctor walking into his office carrying the box of old, used medical supplies?

Dick Tracy, 07/18

Honeymoon's mother was a woman from space who married Dick Tracy's son and was later killed in a car bombing. Did you know that there was a whole thing around the sixties when stuff like that was normal? People from space and sci-fi related stuff, I mean. Not car bombing.

For Heaven's Sake, 07/18

This joke is lame and, while this is the first time I've seen this comic, I'm willing to bet it's even worse than "B. C." at its most religious. Let's keep a look out, shall we?

Heathcliff, 07/18

Heathcliff may have come first, but it was never more popular than Garfield. Even when both of them had cartoons, Garfield always had an edge over the one he usurped. The show is remembered now, but when I found out it was a comic strip, I was quite surprised. No one cares about Heathcliff, really, which is why I was quite surprised when I found this game at GameStop (I had photos of the game in the wild but they wouldn't transfer from my phone due to so many computer problems):

The fact that anyone would make any sort of video game about Heathcliff in 2011, or whenever this game came out, is absolutely absurd. At least they didn't put much effort into it, making it a simple "Spot the Differences" game using panels from the comic strip. Which doesn't explain this:

They actually put effort into making a Heathcliff game. What is this world coming to?

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Another Saturday Bites the Dust

Another Saturday, another look at the week in comics. Remember to tell your friend(s) to visit the site and donate if possible.





For Heavens Sake 4/6/09

You had a good run. How many centuries did you expect to be on top of Western civilization? Haven't you heard the saying that all good things must come to an end? And it's not even like you're not still on everyone's mind, it's just that we need to get away from the crazies that dominate your message. If you wanted to talk to the fundamentalists and try to get them to calm the f*ck down, we'd be all for that. But until they give it up, America has to get away from being seen as a Christian nation. I'm sure you'll make a comeback in the future; after all, religion booms when bad things happen and I'm sure that more bad things will happen. Just keep the crazies and the pedophiles away from your religion and we can be friends again.



Hazel 4/7/09

What in the hell is going on here? So, let me get this straight.

There are two women, sitting in chairs, talking to each other. There are two children with shovels being supervised by a man. The children are looking for worms. They find worms and head towards the women. The man takes the worms and throws them towards the women. The man then instructs the women to talk about worms.

What? So the joke is that women are afraid of worms? This makes as much sense as the infamous Gil Thorp.




Off The Mark 4/8/09

Ah, how I miss those simpler times. When a perverted man could only physically flash and rape a women instead of make fools out of other perverted men in a chat room. Those were the days.

Some people will tell you that sex crimes have risen in the digital age. These people are generally old and afraid that the internet, with its series of tubes, will anally assault them while they sleep.





Working It Out 4/10/09

Reginald was simply trying to emulate his favorite comic strip character. Little did he know that comic strips take place in a different reality, a reality where pants are optional and animals can talk. Unfortunately for Reginald, this was the last straw and he had to be committed to the asylum. Poor, poor Reginald.


Webcomic of the Week should really be renamed since it only happens every other week. It shall return next Saturday.

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And You Will Know My Name is The Lord

Saturday once again. Damn that was a quick week for me. It seems like only yesterday that I was talking about whatever the hell I was talking about last Saturday. Eh, whatever.

My lazy and/or forgetful boss almost didn't send me the comics he liked, or hated or whatever, this week. Lucky for him I forgot it was Saturday anyways. I woke up and checked my e-mail and I would have gone back to sleep, but there was an awesome deal that involved some guy in Nigeria giving $4 million. So I sent him my bank number, which I stole from some old guy, and checked my e-mail again and what do you know? Bryce sends me an e-mail subject line: sorry sorry sorry. I don't know why he's so sorry, it's not like anyone gives a shit about Saturday at the DCR.

Well that's my story. I hope I didn't bore you to death yet because here's the weeks comics:


Scary Gary 1/27/09So I am to understand that the guy who can't sleep is a vampire, right? So what is the little guy? And why does he say "'night"? Vampires sleep in the daytime, if I haven't lost my mind yet. At any rate, the vampire must be pretty stupid to think that it has been storming that violently for three days. If it had been, the basement that he sleeps in would have flooded by now.


Crankshaft 1/25/09
Dear god. I can actually empathize with Crankshaft. This happened to me just a few days ago. Only I didn't say "Blast", I said "Motherfucker, god-damnit, sonofa bitch".

I used to work as a waiter/bartender and I know it can be hard sometimes, but come on. How hard is it to push a button? I, at least, had to write everything down.

And no one would ever say that to a customer because they would be fired on the spot. If the customer says something is wrong, guess what? Something is wrong and you fix it for them.

Damn, I am pissed right now and I don't know why. The last one of the day:


For Heavens Sake 1/26/09
Wow, now I'm really pissed. I'll try not to go on too big of a rampage, but I can't promise anything.

What kind of Bible says GPS on it? I've never seen one. Real GPS systems aren't usually that awesome, they fuck up a lot and can lead you in the wrong direction, so I guess it is a good fit to call the Bible that.

And has anyone really tried to live their life according to the Bible? And don't tell me about that guy who wrote a book about it, I already know. Here's the thing, in the Bible women have only slightly higher stature than sand, anyone that doesn't believe in god* is a sinner and will suffer for eternity even if they are morally superior to people that do believe in god. Here's another thing, for Christians the Bible should be much shorter than it is. Does anyone recall when Jesus made a new covenant? That effectively makes the Old Testament meaningless, yet fundamentalists use the Old Testament for a variety of insanities. Yes, the Old Testament does say gay sex is bad, but it also says women that are accused of being adulterers should be stoned to death(that doesn't mean smoking a shit ton of weed).

OK, I'm starting to come down now. Wow, I hope I didn't offend anyone**. Well, I need to go and start drinking now. Sorry if I got a little heavy on you, I know you guys just want to laugh but it's good to think sometimes too.

Webcomic of the week will not be up today because I need to do some things unrelated to the internet(aka school).

*I know that god is supposed to be capitalized, but since I don't believe in him, I'm not going to. Suck on that god.
**Yes, I did, but only a little bit.

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Comics Contest Monday!

The DCR is bringing you the first contest where you can win something! It's not very comics related, but Pandora is an awesome music service that I use to listen to music at work and find new artists. It's free and amazing. Pandora and Energizer recently partnered together to launch the fabulous Energizer Forum. "On the Energizer Music Forum, users can share their Pandora music discoveries, ask questions of other users, give opinions on bands and artists and interact with musicians who want instant feedback on new material." Here's the link to the Energizer Music Forum - check it out!

The nice people associated with this new forum have sent along 3 $20 iTunes giftcards to give out to my readers. I've been thinking that we need to expand our reviewing goodness so here is the plan: Submit the worst web comics to us here at DCR and we will pick the 3 most terrible web comics from the bunch and whoever sent us those links will win a gift card! Some quick rules for the contest: 1-each person can submit up to 3 links, 2-We need your email address so we can give you your gift card so email your entries to dailycomicsreview@gmail.com. If you'd rather submit your links in a comment, make sure you leave the email there too. 3-The contest will be over this Friday and winners will be announced next Monday.
Now, on to the comics!

Working it out 12/22/08
Working it out 12/22/08">
If it tastes good, eat it! That's rule #14 in the Man Handbook.


Bound and Gagged 12/22/08
Bound and Gagged 12/22/08">
No holiday is more abused by the comics pages than Christmas. You can expect to see the same old and tired jokes every year without fail. Here in B&G, the favorite comic of every S&M fetishist, we learn they had a Jesus on Mars too. Small universe eh?


For Heaven's Sake 12/22/08
For Heaven's Sake 12/22/08">
Hey! Fuck you for trying to use the Jesus story to take a policatal shot! In the war on Christmas I hope someone takes a bayonette to FHS right away. You lost, now shut the hell up.


Marmaduke 12/22/08
Marmaduke 12/22/08">
Marmaduke looks awesome! Whoever has taken over the illustation duties really has a fine artistic touch. Now if we could just get a comedy writer in there...

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Two Days of Comic Strip Goodness

So we have a double-dose of comics today since I didn't have time yesterday to get everything done. The rest of the week will be better so deal with it!

Amazing Super Powers 9/22/08

My favorite flash banner of all time was the one where you punch George Bush in the face.


For Heaven's Sake 9/22/08

Rev. Righteous is such an amazing name, too bad it has been relegated to this lame-o. "How does your father see in to my private restroom?"


Liberty Meadows 9/22/08

So a male pig with "post-operative swelling", does that make them "poobs" then? Frank Cho, you are disturbed and hilarious.


Frank and Ernest 9/23/08

Horrible, horrible puns! I guess it's better than the old sexist F&E from the 50's that would have just been Wonder Woman cleaning the Hall of Justice.


Dilbert 9/23/08

Have you ever been talking with tech support for 30+ minutes and then you get disconnected? You call back and have to explain the whole thing over again and you know these people are sitting in the same room, laughing about your problem. You know this, because it's exactly what you would be doing if you had to work their shit job.


F Minus 9/23/08

Just a quick word of advice to all those kids who are going off to college: don't major in art history either.


The Flying McCoys 9/22/08

This is the last time DCR will post a comic about track marks and that's a promise. At first glance you're just kind of grossed out, until you take note of the fathers facial expression and then you don't want to eat lunch any more.

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