Sunday Funnies: Satchel, Baseball, Bass, Lake Ass, and more Dinosaur Fights!

It's Sunday! Time for full-color, expanded panels, and...MORE DINOSAUR FIGHTS!

Alley Oop by Jack and Carole Bender:

On Sunday, the comics either have their extended space utilized to diverge from the weekly serial, introduce a new serial, or wrap-up the week for the Sunday reader.  Today, Alley Oop did the weekly wrap-up, which usually I abhor as laziness.  Today, however, it allows more Dinosaur Fights! YES!!!


Big Nate by Lincoln Peirce:

Big Nate hits a home run today. As you can see by my website/email/other blog, I am a huge Boston sports fan. As a kid, I did this exact report, but used the 1896 Baltimore Orioles National League franchise (I was a MUCH bigger nerd than Nate). I feel for him, because the rest of the class and teacher obviously thought I was a bizarre weirdo. That said, I remember my sophomore year in high school, I did my first assignment on baseball and the teacher made a comment that she detested baseball and hoped that I would something better to write about. After that, I made sure every assignment I could include baseball in any way would happen.  Whether it was sabermetrics, the 1944 World Series, the Sporting News, or the previous evening's baseball game on television, I was going to write about it, and do it well so she had to grit her teeth and give me a good grade.  

That said, the whims of a teen-age boy change like the wind.  Music, comic books, girls, video games, and work began to intrude on my time and baseball began to fade to the background for a while.  Here in the comic strip, however, I completely agree with Nate: $13 million for Shane Victorino is a bit excessive considering the Red Sox were bidding against themselves for him and paid him double what anyone else would pay. Also, Nate is absolutely correct as well in stating that Bobby Valentine was an absolute clown last season as the manager in Boston.  If there is any consolation for Nate and his Red Sox/Baseball oppressing teacher, at least the Yankees are lined-up for a down year due to age and injury.


Get Fuzzy by Darby Conley:

I just love Satchel.  The perfect capture of a big, sweet dog. In Satch's defense, my poor dog is abused by the cat just as much as him. 



Brevity by Dan Thompson:

Six for six, bee-yotches! Got 'em all.  All those music videos, all those hours alone in my room listening to music, it all pays off now: Michael Anthony from Van Halen rocking the Jack Daniels bass, Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue, Gene Simmons and his omnipresent tongue from KISS, the great Paul McCartney of the Beatles with the left-handed bass, and Bootsy Collins getting the funk on for the P-Funk with George Clinton/Parliament.  I will now issue the only criticism I can muster: Where is Adam Clayton from U2? C'mon, he should be there. Is that him being roasted over the fire? 


Little Dog Lost by Steve Boreman:

Being intimately familiar with Lakeville, MA I cannot ignore any pun utilizing the pond (yes, Lake Assawompset is a pond) that I used to skip rocks in when my Dad finally let me skip out of Palm Sunday Mass at the church across the street from the pond.  My mother is Catholic, but we went to a Baptist church (it was in walking distance) and now am a Methodist (No, none of it makes sense, I know), but on Palm Sunday my father always relented to my mother and we went to the church across from Assawompset Pond for our one day pretending to be Catholic. As I got older, I got to skip out with my Dad (he wouldn't sit still for an hour for anything) and go across the street to skip rocks. 

Ahh, a slightly funny pun leads to stories of ponds disguised as lakes, a riff on the breakdown of the protestant and catholic rift, and a short history lesson on the area (here it comes!) as Lake Assawompset is currently a reservoir for the City of New Bedford (don't pee in the water, people drink that water there, we were often told), was largely involved in the start of King Phillips War (dead body hidden under the ice! Whooo! Wait, no one outside of this area knows or cares about a minor dispute between Puritan settlers and Native Americans), and IT IS A POND, NOT A LAKE!!!



OK, I'm done. Have a great rest of the weekend, and thanks as always for reading!

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Very Bored Fish

Animal Crackers

I think there is supposed to be a joke in here somewhere...


Baldo

Or just wait here another few minutes while we continue with the wisecracks; when you collapse from whatever is ailing you somebody will call an ambulance probably.

Big Nate

Sigh. Another cartoonist's fantasy of relevance/coolness.  "Really? Are you famous?" is a reaction I don't think anyone would have to discovering doodles in someone's notebook.

The Born Loser

"Mathlete" is a term that already exists.  This kid is not being clever at all.  I guess that's just another example of Born Loserdom.

The Grizzwells

So not only can these bears speak, they're training themselves to be multilingual.  My head hurts.

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Hair Pulling and Ugly Cats

Andy Capp

It's broad daylight and Andy is already so drunk he fell in a canal.  And not for the first time too.  No wonder this policeman is so fed up he left Andy to drown.

Arlo and Janis

This has to be the ugliest cat in all the comics.

Big Nate

Trichotillomania is a serious condition, and judging by his hairline, Nate's hair pulling is not limited to his eyelashes. He should seek treatment before it gets any worse.

The Born Loser

Ah, this explains so much.

Love Is

Love is... letting the house burn down while you are busy making whoopy in the next room.

The Grizzwells

Whoa.  Such an angry outburst from the bear.  Could this be the beginning of a breakdown in their relationship?  One that ends with the bear finally eating the porcupine?  We can only hope.

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Introducing the Hand 'Stache

9 Chickweed Lane

In the absence of dialog in today's 9 Chickweed Lane, I've decided to write in some in the hope of making sense of this strip.  Here goes:

"The man in front of me in line at the post office had a big bushy mustache like this."

"Dear God!!  Not a big bushy mustache?!!!"

"My gravitational pull is suddenly reversed and now I'm floating away!  And it's making me sick!  Urp!"

"Grab my hand!  I've got you... noooooooooooo!"

Hmm... I don't think that helps much.  I suppose I could always check the last week's worth of strips to see what's going on, but I'm probably going to be disappointed.  Whatever relationship drama these two are going through isn't going to top the startling-mustache/floating-away-into-space storyline. 

Betty

Are you gonna stand for that shit, Betty?!  You're getting laid off anyhow, better to go out in a blaze of glory!  You can start by shoving that Danish back your new boss's face.

Big Nate 

Here you go: a comic wherein a sixth-grader casually inquires as to the sex-life of a frumpy, older school teacher.  Enjoy!

Rose is Rose

Don't get angry little bird, in a few days you'll have a fresh squirrel carcass to nibble on.

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Botox and Snaggleteeth

Betty

So there are no smile lines on the boss's face even while she is in the act of smiling? That is scary. That's a lot of botox.

Big Nate

Speaking of scary body parts, here is Nate's short, tubby friend with an exploding nose. That isn't his nose and freckles are you are seeing—it's his right ear and the scarred remains of his once proud proboscus.

Big Top

Ug. This kind of rampant animal sexuality is usually reserved for The Grizzwells. Disturbing.

Freshly Squeezed

I don't know about you, but I find broken families to be HILARIOUS.

Jump Start

It seems like Joe is implying that his "Guy Talk" with Clarence usually devolves into Clarence revealing his man-crushes on various snaggletoothed celebrities. What I want to know is if Clarence is so asexual that he only takes pleasure in the prospect of such a big job, or if he really has some weird crooked-tooth fetish where is career is just a means of putting him into contact with his perverse desires. Either way, I think it's time Joe found somebody new to hang out with.

The Grizzwells

Ah, finally some implied violence from a strip about a bear that hangs out with various edible forest critters. I think the bear is much too lazy to act on his urge to nibble on the insides of his porcupine companion; though just to be safe, Pierpont might want to go into hiding for a few days.

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Happy (Porcupine) Hump Day!

Big Nate

Ah, it's funny because Mrs. Godfrey is DIS-couraging Nate's passion for having Gina shut the fuck up.

Candorville

Let me get this straight... Lemont is saying that, unlike Jobs with Apple, these other companies' founders are useless deadweight, and if their the shareholders could get away with offing them somehow they'd probably go through with it? Um... okay...

Agnes

Agnes finds the whole human race repulsive and a blight on the Earth. Guess who is brewing the next super virus in her basement?

The Grizzwells

Big rock... Charlie Sheen... Did the Grizzwells just make a cocaine reference? Either that or Pierpoint likes to hump an actual rock. And this comes just after last week's strip, where we learned that the rabbit gets turned on by tortoise-hare action. Kids, don't go hiking anywhere near this forest.

In the Sticks

That bear thing doesn't need a costume, he's already dressed a little like Han Solo.

Rubes

I'll end with another example of anthropomorphic animals acting sick and depraved. Ah comics... you make the animal kingdom a truly disturbing place.

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Fridays Just Got Slightly Better

It's Brian, now on Fridays and Saturdays for your enjoyment*. I actually happen to have a lot of strips for you today so let's get on it.

Big Nate

I get Nate's frustration with these Cheez Doodles. I consider myself a baked cheese cracker connoisseur (although I get the feeling these Doodles and Weezies are more like Cheetos) and I can tell you that Cheez-Its are more salty while Cheese Nips are more cheesy. To get a good mix you usually have to go to a generic brand but then you risk the chance that the crackers taste like the box they come in.

Adam@Home

Does anyone else get tired of the coffee jokes in this strip? I know I do.

Dick Tracy

I really like the art on Dick Tracy now especially since the last artist couldn't draw his way out of a paper bag because his paper bags looked like hands. When I heard Joe Staton was taking over I was excited because that's an artist I know. I know him best from his work on DC's Guy Gardner. There was a time where you couldn't see Guy Gardner without Staton's signature.

Birdbrains

That man actually looks like he's about to have an Alien burst out of his chest. But what do I know? I, too, am a spectator.

Arlo and Janis

Wait--What? Ew.

Frazz

For my new job I now have to wear shorts or I will die of heat exhaustion and I can tell you right now that I hate it. My once soft, milky-white legs are now cut, scrapped, dirty and bug bitten. I hate wearing shorts. Fun fact: Before now, I haven't worn shorts since 2005 when I was trying to impress a girl.**

Drabble

Drabble should lift with his legs...and get closer to the box...and pick up the box from the bottom...or do a "team lift"...




*Enjoyment not guaranteed.
**Sidenote: Mission accomplished.

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Why Was the Breast Milk in the Freezer?

I don't think I have any Sunday to post today but I did get a good stash of Saturday comics so let's get on with it. Don't forget to check out my site which comes back from a Garfield-related hiatus.

All strips are from 5/14/11:

Pickles

If anybody is going to be a zombie, it would be Earl. A perfect end to a good storyline.

Dick Tracy

"Oh, I don't think we need a drug-sniffing dog. Do you have a straw or a rolled-up dollar bill?"

Big Nate

Why doesn't he just say "Thank you very much" and leave it at that?

Why do I do "what-if" scenarios with fictional characters.

Frazz

I know playing "cowboy vs. Indians" is politically incorrect and it should technically be "U.S. Cavalry vs. Indians" or something like that but I'm starting to get to sneaking suspicion that Jef Mallett had a terrible childhood and that he sniffs his own farts.

Speed Bump

Speaking of farts, that's what that web address looks like "fartin' cookie dot com". You know, a quick search shows that fortunecookie.com is taken but fortune_cookie.com isn't. Why didn't Speed Bump guy use fortune_cookie.com instead of frtn_cookie.com?

The Knight Life

Ew.

Brewster Rockit! Space Guy

Brewster Rockit. If he's ever been not funny then I don't want to hear about it.

Zack Hill

I completely agree with the boy's sentiment here. But MySpace's biggest draw is that it has Friendster? No wonder MySpace sucks.

Argyle Sweater

Uh, oh Billy. I'd quit taunting the zombies if I were you.

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Yep, it's Monday.  Hopefully there's some comic blurbs in here that will cheer you up on the depressing beginning of your new week.

Big Nate:
 

Yes, it certainly begins early, doesn't it?  Young boys justify their drawing of scantily clad women by saying "It's my comic book!  I'm gonna be a comic book artist!" Only a small fraction of them actually become comic book artists, and fortunately only a fraction of those draw comics with a number of panels featuring "just one big butt." The majority of them live in Japan.

Wizard of Id:

This is why the rule in golf is to yell "fore" prior to swinging the club, and not after, so that people can look out for the ball and not get hit by it.  In the meantime, the king ought to begin training an army of elite golf soldiers.  I bet they could take out quite a few people.

F-Minus:

Oh, but that IS sheep's clothing.  Don't you know that sheep these days are only wearing the finest designer suits?

Agnes:

Can someone from Eastern Europe tell me if this is a real thing, and if so, if it's actually a popular snack?  It sounds odd, to say the least.  That's just the type of esoteric humor you expect from Agnes.

B.C.:

Awesome.  The wolf became a porcupine.  Hopefully they use the spiky wolf in the future.  It could be highly dangerous, and highly amusing.

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