Valentine's Day Massacre

Happy Valentine's Day! Let's hope everyone spent lots of money to stimulate the economy (because nothing says eternal love like flowers that die in two days and sugar and cocoa snacks high in saturated fats and carbohydrates). I know, I missed yesterday. C'est la vie. Let's get to it!

Baldo by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos:

If you are not a regular Baldo reader (and really, why would anyone be reading Baldo on a regular basis?), you will be confused by this love-themed Valentine's Day cartoon as Baldo's fat friend (I really can't expend the brain cells to remember his name) is in love with a scooter or some nonsense.  It has a female personality and screen with a female face and tubs of love here is goo-goo gaga-gaga over the mechanical device.  Apparently he does obscene things with the motor, as far as I can tell about the final panel.

Betty by Gary Delainey and Gerry Rasmussen:

Hmm, the comics with a Valentine's Day theme seem geared towards fat guys with disturbing machine issues. This tub of fun bought his not-very-attractive wife a rowing machine.  Um, I can't imagine a wife being too thrilled about getting a rowing machine. "Dear, your arms and body shape are pretty manly, so I got you a rowing machine to really give you that broad-shouldered look."  Nope, does not go over like this in real life. 

Born Loser, The by Chip Sansom:

OK, so it's a definite theme.  Unattractive people are going to consume candy and give sad gifts.  Then they will risk the future of mankind by engaging in reproductive practices.  END IT! STOP THE VALENTINE'S DAY MADNESS!

Broom Hilda by Russell Myers:

Well, at least these hideous creatures will not be reproducing in some bizarre cross-species three-way  this Valentine's Day.

 Café con Leche by Charlos Gary:

Welcome to the real America on Valentine's Day!  "Yeah, here's my effort. I spent some money on an empty gesture as required by society, and I won't lower myself to say I love you, either. But here's a weak attempt. Can I go back to doing what I want to do and detesting you?" How depressing.

Daddy's Home by Tony Rubino and Gary Markstein:

It's funny because she finds her husband unattractive and has lost all interest in having any kind of physical relationship and was hoping for a box of chocolates she could re-gift to young worker in the mail room she meets for occasional relations.

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Well, that was depressing.  Hope everyone has a better Valentine's Day than the comics page characters!  Thanks for reading!