No Rest for the Wicked

Saturday. What does it mean to you? Traditionally, Saturday is a day of rest, especially if you are of the Jewish persuasion. For me Saturday has become a day of work. Working on the internet, working on school work, just plain going to work. I hope that you'll enjoy the fruits of my work on this Saturday as you rest and relax.

The length and quality of these reviews in in reply to a challenge from reader and creator of former Webcomic of the Week, The Underfold, Brian Russell. When I tweeted that today's post was going to be awesome, he outright challenged me and I accepted. So let this be a lesson, if you want personal recognition and a better than average Saturday post, challenge me. Use comments or twitter or email, it doesn't matter. I will do my best to meet your challenge. Onto the comics!

Those of you that do not like to read at length may want to skip today as it takes many words to be this awesome.


One Big Happy 4/20/09

Wait, you're telling me that kids still skip at recess?! I thought that they just milled around in the shade because everyone is too fat to run. That's what the news has been telling me. Are you suggesting the news is being over-dramatic? I find such a thing laughable. Hahahahaha. See? I just laughed at it.

Also, gambling should be encouraged at school. It teaches valuable skills about money management and breaking kneecaps. I've always found my knowledge of breaking kneecaps very useful in my life, haven't you?




The Argyle Sweater 4/20/09

So the weird, fat kid shit on his desk? I wanted to say that he shit his pants, but then I realized that he isn't wearing any pants. Must be Ziggy's kid.

Wait, that would mean that Ziggy has genitalia. And that someone had sex with Ziggy. *Shudder*. And now that imagine will never leave my mind. But since we're all scarred now anyway, let's examine this predicament.

Ziggy is a horrible, unfunny mutant that never wears pants and, even though he has no coverings, has no discernible genitalia. How would one such as Ziggy find a mate? What kind of sick person would willingly have intercourse with Ziggy? He's so tiny and weak that I think we can safely rule out rape as a factor. The only logical conclusion I have is that Ziggy, at some point, donated to a sperm bank or froze some eggs. It is nearly impossible to determine Ziggy's gender, but the result is the same either way. An infertile couple must have gone to the sperm/egg bank and unknowingly gotten Ziggy's sperm/eggs and had a child that is comprised of half Ziggy DNA. The other half appears to be a tire or marshmallow, which is greatly confusing.

And thus, we have the reason why this child does not wear pants.

If you skipped ahead, I advise you to go back and read that, for it is truly great. No really, it is.




Moe 4/23/09

The comic has a great joke and I will not attempt to deconstruct it, that is how great my respect for great comedy is.

However, there are some other things that concern me.

1) Since when has 'PIP' been a sound effect? What real-world sound does 'PIP' correlate to? I've never heard anything make a sound resembling 'PIP'.

2)Why is, what appears to be, a man shaving his axillary area (that's the armpit to those of you without medical backgrounds)? And why is he completely naked while doing so? Is he shaving his pubic area next? Why is the other guy not concerned about these things? Are they a gay couple? Will I ever stop asking questions?

No.

3)Why is there blood spurting forth from what would seem to be a very small wound? Is that guy's carotid artery in his forehead?

Except for those things, this is a very good comic.




Frog Applause 4/24/09

If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this author is writing about me in my own words. Not that I've ever said that, but I sure have thought it. I mean . . . I get tons of action, so I would never think anything like what the loser in this comic is thinking. Yeah, that's what I meant. Look, I've done tons of broads . . . internationally. It's really best if you just ignore what I said earlier and go about your business. But I do get all kinds of action. All kinds. Stop doubting me.

All right, fine. You caught me. I get no action. Are you happy now? Cause I feel like crap, you bunch of bastards. I hope you feel proud of yourselves for breaking the spirit of a once proud blogger.

I must go now and sulk in the darkness.

Once again, Webcomic of the Week is scheduled to return next week. However, scheduling conflicts may arise so there are no guarantees.