Have no fear, I'm not sampling German dance band, Snap!, and their one-hit in the states, "The Power". Rather, just happy to have the lights back on after surviving the two feet of snow dumped on the Northeast last night and the joy of shoveling for three hours. Not that I have it that bad, my poor wife (she's married to me, how can you not sympathize with the lovely lady...and yes, straight out of a sitcom, I married far above my station) has to pull a double-shift to make up for not being able to travel to work yesterday in the heart of the blizzard. So having survived entertaining my 9 and 11-year-old without television, internet, or lights, what a great time to relax with the funnies (until they drive me insane and I start ranting!).
Free Range by Bill Whitehead:
Yeah, Buddy. Kiss those fun nights of not having sex good-bye. Think of all those fun things you can do as a single guy...like spend hundreds of dollars on dating websites and hundreds of dollars on dates with women who have no interest in spending any time with you. Oh, the fun. Forget all those stupid movies and TV shows about going back to high school or being a kid. That all sucked. I like where I am. You couldn't pay me to go back now.
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Gil Thorp by Neal Rubin and Rod Whigham:
See, this is why I leave Gil Thorp to "This Week in Milford" and Josh F. at the Comics Curmudgeon (I'm not hyperlinking to them, they get 500 times the hits I do here. They can link to me, those fat cats of the Internet Comics Rantings). I don't read the strip for a few days and then the first panel has a high school boys locker room scene where a kid yells "We need your peacock, Dude" and the naked kid says "Like he said." WTF!!! "I never thought about sharing": What kind of "male bonding" hi-jinx are going on here and why isn't he keeping it on the down low per the code of the boys locker room?
After inspecting the prior days comics I skipped, Tiny Penis Peacock here hallucinates a peacock showing up in his backyard (like a wild turkey?) and has an increased shooting percentage when said hallucinated bird appears. I assume its a hallucination...where are peacocks running wild other than 1970's NBC executives boardrooms during one of their coke-fueled meetings while they churned out horrible television? Tiny Penis Peacock here also believes the bird is a reincarnation of a dead brother or some relative or some other nonsense...whatever.
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The Lost Bear by Bradley Trevor Grieve:
Dammit! Show, don't tell. SHOW, DON'T TELL! It's the number one rule of drawing comic strips. Who would draw pasties lying on the ground?
I sentence thee to three years of Rex Morgan strips to learn how to give the non-distinguished, immature, adolescent-at-heart comic strip fans what they want.
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PC and Pixel by ArtAttack Comix:
Again, I get to lampoon a lazy artist trotting out jokes so old that they predate my kids' birth a decade ago. E-bay/E-babe. Funny (NOT!!!). Second, it is a baby human child and the guy is looking at the cat when he's asking the question. The cat used the computer to order a stork-delivered human baby? WHY??????? Cats hate little kids...they steal all the attention, they drink all the milk, they get the warm blankets, they grow up and pull the cat's tail. What logical reason would a cat order a baby?
Now, make the joke with the guy talking to a 13 year old boy and a Russian Mail Order Bride bursting out of a box labeled "E-babe" and at least it makes sense. Or have the guy at a convention named "Desperate Single Women Alliance" or something and it makes sense (why e-Babe and not e-Baby either?).
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OK, I'm tired. Have a great, safe night!
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