Memorial Monday

Party people!

This is my day off, so let's get right down to it...

Zits

You ever wonder why the Zits mom and the Momma mom don't team up on their two male children for maximum Oedipus-creeposity?

9 Chickweed Lane

Anyone wanna take a stab at explaining this strip to me? Not today's in particular, just what the hell is the point of it? At least with the 70-year old legacy soap strips, you have a plodding - ableit lame - storyline, some rising action, a pseudo-conflict, and a schmaltzy resolution. Now, I've forced myself to follow 9 Chickweed Lane for the past few weeks, and it's basically consisted of 30 different ways of showing the following: A dork finally getting laid by a slut, some closeted cross-dressing dude trying on high-heels, and...yeah, that's about it.

Apartment 3G

Wow, you gotta give Tommie credit for at least trying to give a shit about Gary leaving town, what with her shouting "DENVER?!" all surprised-like, but then her boredom of both him and his network systems career path forces her slip into unconsciousness by panel three.

B.C.

Now that every cartoonist and their brother has made a joke about Twitter, beaten it to death, really; one of the few comics where you thought you'd never have to see one, B.C., spends two panels establishing Twitter NOT as an internet social networking site invented 10,000 years later, but instead as a gossiping flightless bird, finally working up to calling the fat cavewoman a gossip herself. So, if you're reading this B.C. and you know what Twitter really is, the comic doesn't make sense, and if you're reading this B.C. and you don't know what Twitter really is, then the setup is the same as the punchline and there is zero payoff.

Dick Tracy

I don't know how Dick Locker, Jim Brozman, and dozens of others who are putting food on the table by draining every last penny out of the Frankentracy franchise can NOT expect us to take this strip as tongue-in-cheek. "Time to cash in your chips, Tracy!" ??? ... "You killed my sister, the Queen of Diamonds!" ??? Someone named "One-eye" ??? Seriously, this is something you'd see on Adult Swim. Therefore, I have to convince myself that the authors know this is all completely ridiculously dated, and will henceforth laugh ironically WITH them, and not AT them for being talentless hacks. Ha ha haha.

Family Circus

Booyah! Yes!! Oh man, who would have thought a Family Circus strip - much less a Family Circus strip with a week-long garage sale storyline would have such an awesome payoff?


Not only is Big Daddy Keane giving a 50% discount to a smoking H-O-T babe, but your mind is left to imagine Miss Thing explaining to our grinning salesman that she really has no use for the lamp part, but could really use a bing strong man to install the pole in her bedroom and give her constructive feedback on her competitive pole-dancing skills.

Well, that's what my mind was left to anyway. Look, even the french gnome statue sitting on the table next to Mrs. Keane is getting off on it.

Hi & Lois

And after a 55 year-long run in the funny papers, Hi & Lois goes out with a bang by having son Ditto drown in a swimming pool filled with crude petroleum while Mom, Dad, and Sis crack wise. R.I.P., guys.

Mark Trail

Allow me to summarize today's developments:


Dick: "Let's find out why animals are dying in Lost Forest."


Doc: "We need to know why animals are dying in Lost Forest."


Dick: "Uh, yeah, I just SAID I'm going to find out why animals are dying in Lost Forest."


Dick: "Oh, and I'm not only going to find out why, I'm going to find out the CAUSE. Wait, I guess that's the same thing."

One Big Happy

(Spoiler alert!) Inspired by the twist-ending in Psycho, the One Big Happy gang pass their time by conversing with the stuffed-corpse of Miss Avis, who they pose in comical poses, such as this one where she appears to be staring at a raffle ticket and having a conversation. Ha ha, those crazy kids!


Er...am I thinking of Weekend at Bernie's?


I'm done.


Jorge