Thursday Night Fashion Report

Good evening Blogistan, I it is I Stella Tamzarian, Action Librarian here to report to you the Weekly Fashion Report of the criminally color-blind comics! Now I suppose we shouldn't blame the characters themselves, they don't have a choice in what they wear. No, we should be chiding the drunken cartoonists themselves for creating the strange get-ups we see every day on the comics page. They get up at the crack of noon, do a couple lines of blow and start drawing Ziggy with no pants. T'aint right.

Anyway on to the coke fueled fashion nightmares.

Curtis: 01/25/2009


This gorgeous Bear Fest is provided by the Patriotic Three Stooges Society. Don't ask why three half naked hairy guys are whooping it up for Obama, crashing baby showers, grooming each other's chest hair. This is another example of Drug Induced Cartooning, a crime often committed by the folks over at Curtis Inc. If anyone understands the purpose of this cartoon please let me in on the secret.


Judge Parker: 01/25/2009


I've never read Judge Parker in my life. Not once. But I feel that I can make a guess as to what is going on in this scene. Abbey was the babysitter for wealthy businessman Sam and his psychotically violent daughter. An attempt to get "Soph" to take a nap went horribly awry and Sam came home to find the Babysitter/ his lover dead. Strangled by his mentally disturbed spawn. Luckally for him and his reputation, Sam Co Enterprises has just secretly developed time travel technology. Sam travelled back to 1992, when Abbey was just getting out of high school and her Boys II Men obsession, and brought her back to the present time to be the babysitter again.

How else would you explain that sweater/ vest combination?

9 Chickweed Lane 01/27/2009


I didn't know Seth was dating the 2nd runner up in the Charles Manson look alike contest. The beard needs to be poofier, like birds and other critters have taken up residence there. I will admit that I actually laughed at this particular comic, inside, where the shame lives in the dark. I think its the third panel. The look on that Homeless Professor's face made me chuckle, what can I say? Though, may I ask, why does Seth insist on wearing a neck brace around all the time?

Archie: 01/26/2009


If by "busy" you mean "like crazy Aunt Millie who has 15 cats and makes lewd gestures with potato salad at Family gatherings." Then yes Jughead, I would have to agree with you there. I feel for that librarian in the background of the first panel. It probably isn't the first time she's had to deal with pill popping teenagers who think they're insane church ladies, and it won't be the last time either.

Cleats: 01/23/2009


No, Blond girl whose pony tail is larger than her torso, your friend is not a "fashion-clown" as you so wittily state. She is suffering from what is known in some Doctor Comic circles as "Reverse Popeye Syndrome". Instead of the forarms becoming abnormally huge, the calves balloon up to 4 times their size. Oh you may scoff at their affliction but they go through a lot of pressure trying to hide their disease. Even buying Giant tube socks to cover their shame. Maybe instead of giving her names like "fashion-clown" or "dumpy stumps" you should give her the one thing she really needs, understanding.

Good night folks!